Can you please explain to me why you would choose not to help at a PTA event?

[Hassled]

A genuine question, although I have to admit to being a tad exasperated at the moment. I feel I'm missing a point somewhere, but I'm not sure what.

Let's say that there was a big PTA fundraising event (BBQ) coming up. The PTA have sent out newsletters etc making it clear that they want to raise funds to improve the school playground and to replace existing sports strips. You plan to attend with your DP, you're not in any way unwell and don't have a baby in tow. Why would you not volunteer to run a stall for half an hour? If you were specifically asked if you could help, why would you say no?

All I can come up with is a) you value the rare time you have as a family too much to want to interrupt the evening by one parent being elsewhere for half an hour or b) you haven't really grasped the reason PTA events take place (i.e. the improved playground) and dismiss the events as not really your concern. Both of which are valid, I guess, but I really want to know what else goes on in people's minds in these cicumstances. Have I just turned into too much of a PTA harpy?

I started off the school year by being a class rep but with work, studying and two kids I found it really stressful. There always seemed to be another cause to raise money for.

I myself dont have a spare pound at times and I felt bad myself bugging parents. I stopped approaching parents in the playground and got their email addresses and emailed out instead. That was I was not asking to their face, I could explain in detail about the event and the parents could just choose to ignore if tehy wanted.

Theadworm - the other side of the coin is the volunteer who wants to do what they want to do -" Ooh I'll organise a lovely ball to raise money" No you weon;t because they never m,ake any money they are just profile raising and they're bloody hard work.

I once slept rough in Soho for the night (sponsored) to raise money for the hostel I supported - funnily enough we didn't have many volunteers for that Thought we raised a shedload of money and didn't cost anything to run (local soup kitchen fed us)!

I usually do my bit.

It is quite tying as you end up having to attend the school fayre in the pooring rain when you would really have liked stay in bed. If you go then your reluctant dcs have to go and your dh as well to look after them. And it costs a fortune and was tedious and the dcs got about a pound of sugar down them from the various jar stalls etc and declared it boring. And you ended up having to do small talk for an hour with another parent who you vaguely disliked before but now have a passionate hatred of, and her bigoted arse of a dh.

Please could I just opt to give £20 to the fund instead next time so that I could spend the weekend doing something of my choice.

I don't even dear read this thread for fear of getting so pissed off. I work full time and have 2 kids and still manage to help out. NO I don't really want to do it, I can think of 10 gazillion things I'd rather do than put false tattoos on your little darlings but someone has to do it otherwise your kids don't get to have a summer/christmas fair etc let alone enjoy all the stuff that PTA money pays for.

And as for just giving money well you can guarantee that people would moan about that too pls agree with kewcumber:
"But doesn;t anyone feel that its a good example to your DC's to give up your time to help a community project"

Thing is no-one wants to do it (well there might be a few oddballs who do but they are defo in the minority), the point is that some people do.

Hassled. Some of it is shyness and social anxiety. Some of it is too busy - but in my experience the too busy also tend to bake a cake or send a bottle. One family at our school are politically opposed to any fundraising - they feel that everything should be provided by the school because they pay their taxes.

Most of it is can't be arsed. People are quite prepared to allow their children to benefit from the money raised, but aren't prepared to give up an hour of their time one Saturday a year to help raise that money.

"I would never run a stall at a school event as I have too many other things to do." I'm just gobsmacked at this. It's just bollocks sorry.

The reason I don't volunteer for most PTA things is that DP and I both work, I work full time, as a household we have, in the end, more spare money than time. I would rather just write a cheque once a year for all the various bits and pieces, than spend hours baking and selling cakes for a pittance to raise teeny amounts of money.

It's not an efficient use of time and money for us. And I don't particularly enjoy fundraising as an activity.

I do occasionally stand behind a stall at the school fete. Because it's a small school and I know it needs people and the PTA organisers are my friends here. If we were still in our old, bigger school, I would never have done this.

But hardly anyone bloody enjoys it Fennel, and I work full time and have two kids but still help out because I know that so few other feckers will.

I can't read anymore of this, it pisses me off.

Having helped organise a big BBQ a few years ago, I would say never again, they are such hard work. But I am happy to help, and do help at other PTA activities - for example making the speghetti bolognese for a speghetti evening at my child's school last year.

It can also be quite good fun helping out at these things, a chance to gossip with the other parents

My dh always said he'd rather just donate a fixed amount to the school each year than have to help out at events.

I was PTA chair for a while so I can see your point, Hassled. It was always hard to find people to help out and it was nearly always the same teachers and parents.

We had a home support officer at our school who managed to persuade some parents to get involved who would have been very reluctant otherwise, perhaps because they couldn't speak English very well or were not literate. You have to adopt a softly, softly approach and even then many will just say no. Fair enough. Tbh I often felt quite ambigious about the PTA, but it was nice when events ran smoothly and most people had a good time.

You're not me katierocket (well, not last time I looked)

"I would never run a stall at a school event as I have too many other things to do." -
tis true for me unfortunately.

And no, I've no intention of justifying or explaining it to some random stranger on the net.

It is true for me - maybe not so much for you

Well if noone enjoys it they shouldn't be doing it. I don't expect anyone else to do it. Let it not happen. the world wouldn't stop.

I do resent people doing it and then resenting the people who "don't bother". If you don't want to do it then stop complaining and don't do it.

It can be the type of people who are on the PTA who make others not want to join in. When I was a single mother working full time, I was made to feel like a complete outsider by not being part of the PTA/committee clique. I literally had no time to help out! I remember going on a PTA organised picnic and sitting alone with my lo whilst the committee sat together. I remember how desperately sad and isolated I felt

Now I am in a different circumstances and have friends who are PTAers/committee members, they seem to spend their lives stressing about PTA work, with it becoming all consuming as if a full time job!They also spend a lot of time bitching about women who do not help for whatever reason. As a working mum of 3 it does not make joining a tempting prospect!

fine, whatever. It's not about you though is it, it's about your kids.

Well for me, I work 4 days a week and I ma secretary of a volutary committee that takes up a bit of my spare time, plus I had ds and dh, life is busy.

I support the school events by attending and donating.

I choose not to donate my time though.

My choice.

katierocket - easy tiger!
I have two voluntary roles already within school, am chair and trustee of a local charity, mature student, job, and 3 dcs inc 1 with a disability. get off your high horse. i absolutely do have enough to do thanks - i'll make the biscuits and send them in a box to school for the fayre, but i'm not standing behind the stall to sell them. take my money and give me a cup of tea - i am contributing by being there and spending my money, usually in a twenty minute slot before having to be somewhere else. sheesh.
militant PTA? not round here, obv! is it any wonder we're clamouring to be a part of it!

With us, its because we're not asked Our PTA are so self-sufficient they organise it all themselves, and then complain it's back breaking work. Nothing is ever terribly exciting, but they are not keen to involve the wider parents. Theoretically we are all members of 'The Friends of....School', but in practice, we are not really welcome. Our money on the day is of course

Does your HT get involved? Ours doesn't, and I think that's one of the problems. If it was all a bit more personal, the wider 'school family' then others may want to get involved.

Agree with Fennel.

I know, I know, I sound chippy, I hold my hands up. I guess there will always be those that do and those that don't.

People don't have to justify themselves to the PTA - but do they tell their children not to ride the tricycles, read the books, use the whiteboards, come to the discos , drink the drinks at sports day, go on the school trips on the subsidized coaches, accept the prizes, hunt the easter eggs, go see the Father Christmas, play with the cricket sets or sit in the sensory garden?

true, and I am in the category of 'those that do' - just not pta/school events as have no more room for other voluntary work

I must admit to never putting my name down to help, as I am never sure if I can attend or not until the day. But when I get there I offer to cover coffeee breaks, sell raffle tickets etc.

I don't offer because:

1. I already help in the community at least once a week doing Beavers so chn from the school benefit from that.
2. When I did join and help the 'key' members weren't very nice and I can't be arsed with that kind of mentality.