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Original poster

Can you please explain to me why you would choose not to help at a PTA event?

307 replies

Hassled · 15/07/2008 10:33

A genuine question, although I have to admit to being a tad exasperated at the moment. I feel I'm missing a point somewhere, but I'm not sure what.

Let's say that there was a big PTA fundraising event (BBQ) coming up. The PTA have sent out newsletters etc making it clear that they want to raise funds to improve the school playground and to replace existing sports strips. You plan to attend with your DP, you're not in any way unwell and don't have a baby in tow. Why would you not volunteer to run a stall for half an hour? If you were specifically asked if you could help, why would you say no?

All I can come up with is a) you value the rare time you have as a family too much to want to interrupt the evening by one parent being elsewhere for half an hour or b) you haven't really grasped the reason PTA events take place (i.e. the improved playground) and dismiss the events as not really your concern. Both of which are valid, I guess, but I really want to know what else goes on in people's minds in these cicumstances. Have I just turned into too much of a PTA harpy?

OP posts:
Fennel · 15/07/2008 11:41

I don't agree it's just "about the kids".

it's about expecting mothers to devote a lot of unpaid time to school fundraising. And it is nearly always mothers. And it's assuming people DO have free time to spend on such things, and that it really really matters whether the school has a free drum workshop or theatre trip (which I'd happily pay for anyway).

it's assuming, in the end, that mothers don't actually have maybe careers that they like and are already struggling to fit into their family lives.

zookeeper · 15/07/2008 11:42

I woud help but am a single mum and if I am going to pay for a sitter it won't be to man a stall for half an hour

Oliveoil · 15/07/2008 11:43

We don't appear to have a PTA

I have not been hounded anyhoo

I attend fairs, spend about £10, go home

DrNortherner · 15/07/2008 11:43

Who organises the school fairs then Olive?

The PTA fairies?

madamez · 15/07/2008 11:43

The thing is, so many of these 'fetes' are a wanky waste of time anyway. The kids quite often don't enjoy them (half a dozen boring stalls full of inedible cakes and broken toys, some or other novelty stall manned by someone's pevery uncle with a crap game that doesn't work, etc) and the parents certainly don't, it's just half a dozen clip-board-wielding officious twats who haven't actually got lives and get their jollies trying to turn the world into a fecking episode of Heartbeat.

katierocket · 15/07/2008 11:46

But I agree with you Fennel - your description is me to a tee but children do like fairs and all that go with them and no they wouldn't be traumised if they didn't happen but it would be a shame. And some people can't afford to give cash, and asking them to do so when they can't would put them in a very difficult position.

DrNortherner · 15/07/2008 11:46

People who are on the PTA, fab, you give up your time and that is wonderful.

But you are on dangerous ground katierocket if you then think because you do, that everyone else should. That's not how it works.

And if you don't enjoy it, or resent it, then perhaps it's time to jack it in?

lulumama · 15/07/2008 11:46

it is never just half an hour.. it is several hours or all day.

i did the xmas fair when DS was in reception, i had just foound out i was pregnant and i was knackered. I did 10.30 until 5.30 . I had to leave DS at a friends as my DH works every weekend.

i would not leave my DCs with friends for all of a saturday or sunday to help at the school. it is not fair on them , they have their own things they want to do.

nor would i pay a baby sitter so i could volunteer.

i do lots of unpaid work anyway, i choose to devote my time to something other than the PTA

Collision · 15/07/2008 11:47

madamez - I disagree! All the fetes we went to this year were fun!

We had

ferret racing
clown
Massive Noah's ark bouncy castle
tombolas
toy stalls
ice cream
burgers
African Treasure fossil digging
Craft stall to make and decorate things

and we made £6500!!!!

and my kids loved it!

katierocket · 15/07/2008 11:47

And what does all the money raised get spent on madamez?

lulumama · 15/07/2008 11:49

thing is, asking people to justify why they don;t help out automatically gets them on the defensive.

katierocket · 15/07/2008 11:49

No I don't think that because I do then everyone should - far from it (although I agree that I may have sounded that way!), I just get sick and tired of the apathy. If you can't spare the time / effort etc then surely you could at least buy some blinkin buns and donate them to the cake stall.

Oliveoil · 15/07/2008 11:50

I have no idea!

we get a form saying FAIR, I put it on the calendar, I turn up

nobody asks for time, only bottles and tombola prizes

I have helped out at the playgroup one and done stalls there, but not for school

I work though so do not have time to (wo)man a stall

life is busy enough tyvm

seeker · 15/07/2008 11:52

And I don't expect everyone to join in - lots of people have really good reasons why they don't - but I really think that a school with 416 pupils might muster more than 9 parents to organize the summer fair? Even allowing for social phobics, people who work 24 hours a day, people who are pillars of the community in other areas, people who are allergic to coconut shies and people who are politically opposed to schools raising money SURELY there should be more than 9 out of about 250 parents willing to help?

yorkshirepudding · 15/07/2008 11:53

Message withdrawn

Uriel · 15/07/2008 11:55

but do they tell their children not to ride the tricycles, read the books, use the whiteboards, come to the discos , drink the drinks at sports day, go on the school trips on the subsidized coaches, accept the prizes, hunt the easter eggs, go see the Father Christmas, play with the cricket sets or sit in the sensory garden?

But the money's come from the parents and kids who attend the fair/fete/whatever, or has the PTA magicked it out of thin air?

Threadwworm · 15/07/2008 11:56

But WHY buy buns so that they can be resold at a stall? It's just white noise -- pointless busyness. Our children would benefit more from fewer activities and more leisured parents.

Half of the benefits seeker lists are ones that our taxes should provide. The other half are arguably not benefits at all. Half the sensory gardens I see are neglected white elephants. Yet one more Easter egg hunt is a fairly tawdry affair. And so on.

sagacious · 15/07/2008 12:04

should provide half of those

should

But taxes don't.

Threadwworm · 15/07/2008 12:05

And the more we step in and pay for them, the easier it is for the govt to dodge a commitment to proper funding.

sagacious · 15/07/2008 12:05

Hence PTA "clip-board-wielding officious twats who haven't actually got lives and get their jollies trying to turn the world into a fecking episode of Heartbeat."

Madamez you've made me larf

sagacious · 15/07/2008 12:07

AGREED Threadworm

But I'd rather not make a big political statement out of it it when ds's chip and biff books are 1987 editions and held together with spit and selotape.

RubberDuck · 15/07/2008 12:08

"People don't have to justify themselves to the PTA - but do they tell their children not to ride the tricycles, read the books, use the whiteboards, come to the discos , drink the drinks at sports day, go on the school trips on the subsidized coaches, accept the prizes, hunt the easter eggs, go see the Father Christmas, play with the cricket sets or sit in the sensory garden?"

Erm, but seeker... why shouldn't the children use the tricycles, whiteboards etc? Their parents ATTENDED and CONTRIBUTED MONEY.

You could have the best organised fete in the world but if no-one bothered to attend or stump up cash then it would be a pretty crap fundraiser. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, and all that.

yorkshirepudding · 15/07/2008 12:12

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 15/07/2008 12:15

Work would be my excuse - many activities are in school time. But apart from that I am manically busy all the time. And what free time I have I really value. I realise that might sound selfish and if I lived a different life I'd happily volunteer.

FWIW I really appreciate all the PTA volunteers who give them time.

Have had this sort of discussion with my mum many times. She can't seem to understand that when you work and have DCs and no paid help round the house, there really isn't any significant free time. She thinks the 'modern generation' are selfish She never did paid work after she got married and was always volunteering for charities and the church etc,

Doodle2U · 15/07/2008 12:16

"The thing is, so many of these 'fetes' are a wanky waste of time anyway. The kids quite often don't enjoy them (half a dozen boring stalls full of inedible cakes and broken toys, some or other novelty stall manned by someone's pevery uncle with a crap game that doesn't work, etc)"

OR

They could be so much better if a few more parents stepped up to the plate and offered their time to improve what is there.

I fucking loathe the whinging gits who complain that these do's are 'crap' but do precisely fuck all to help improve matters.

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