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Original poster

My children aren’t attractive

337 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 09/09/2025 18:15

I know this probably makes me sound horribly shallow, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere anonymous.

I’ve always been considered attractive – not supermodel-level, but the type of person who is often told they have nice features. My DH is wonderful: kind, intelligent, successful, and a genuinely good man. He’s not conventionally attractive in terms of looks, but that has never mattered to me because he has so many other qualities.

Here’s the thing: our DC don’t seem to have inherited the “best of both worlds.” At the moment, they look much more like DH, and while they are beautiful to me as their mum, I can objectively see they aren’t conventionally good-looking children. I know children change as they grow, and features shift, so there’s every chance they will grow into their looks.

I’m aware how shallow and ridiculous this sounds – I don’t want to pass these thoughts onto my DC or make them feel any less loved or confident. But occasionally, when I see other people’s children who are striking or “pretty,” I feel that pang of comparison and guilt for even noticing.

I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere: that conflict between loving your children unconditionally but also being aware of how society views attractiveness. I hate that it even crosses my mind, but it does.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did your DC grow into their looks as they got older?

OP posts:
LeftFooter · 09/09/2025 19:45

I genuinely think my children are absolutely gorgeous. Ridiculously good-looking. I thought all mothers thought like this?

DiscoBob · 09/09/2025 19:47

They'll start to resemble you more as they grow. Nobody looks only like one parent.

That does sound bad that your disappointed that your DC resemble your DH though. Surely you must have thought it through when you agreed to have kids with him?

ForFunGoose · 09/09/2025 19:47

Mine look like various family members but not like us. I absolutely adore them and think they live a far more authentic life than dh or I did.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/09/2025 19:47

PilatesAndLattes · 09/09/2025 19:41

I think a lot of attractiveness, especially with kids, comes from presenting them nicely, managing their weight, and keeping their teeth clean . Nicely done hair and a pretty or cool outfit depending on the age will set them up well for building friendships and for preferable treatment from teachers at school.

My mum really failed me in this aspect even though I grew up and was told should be a model all the time, I had zero confidence from an upbringing of unbrushed teeth and hand me down clothes leading to me being labelled ugly. I really put effort into making sure my kids always look their best and have cool school bags etc

I think this is true, too. (and sorry you had that experience growing up, I kind of relate - my mum had no time for the latest fashions or trends, I never got any of the 'cool stuff', she insisted on this horrible pudding bowl short hair cut - when everyone else had long, long hair - and I wasn't able to take over deciding on that till mid / late teens! As a result when I went to university first I was so geeky and awkward and it really took a while to find my own style and realise, I was actually quite pretty and once I learnt how, could look well. Looking well has always been important to me since, I make an effort every single day, regardless of what I am doing).

MrsBlobby64 · 09/09/2025 19:48

My son was very short, skinny, had bad acne & wore glasses. But a heart of gold and really funny personality. He is now 27, 6ft 1, had eye laser surgery, got his teeth whitened, has beautiful skin & is a gym bunny sports nut with great pecs! He turns heads wherever he goes. He is still that funny kind, awkward kid underneath. He is currently living in Australia with a very beautiful Kiwi girl he met travelling. Relax - they will blossom into whatever they want to be. Just love them for themselves..

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/09/2025 19:49

Someone2025 · 09/09/2025 19:05

I haven’t given a 2nd thought about what my kids look

Huh?!….that’s very odd

Show quote history

Yes, very odd and patently not true .

What colour are your DD's eyes? Dunno
Does DS take after any of your family members in particular? Dunno - I see nothing

spoonbillstretford · 09/09/2025 19:50

Better to blossom later than early.

MaryBeardsShoes · 09/09/2025 19:50

I love it when beautiful people have potato-y kids. It’s like HA your success isn’t down just to merit. It’s also chance genetics.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 09/09/2025 19:50

I think that most people are much more attracted to glamour, outgoing-ness and general niceness to be around than they are conventional beauty in the sense of stunning bone structure or even features.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 09/09/2025 19:50

When my children were born, in a haze of hormones I thought they were just the most insanely beautiful babies ever. I wanted to eat them up. I’d look at other babies and feel sorry for their parents (I know I know but HORMONES).

To be honest, I’ve never really grown out of this. I think they are just wondrous. I would never tell them, and if we ever talk about appearances, I tell them that how they look is the least important thing about them. I also know they are just normal looking kids really but I’m caught between adoring everything about them (they are perfect) and knowing that they are completely ordinary. Which is as it should be (in my mind).

Other people may say it is on the spectrum of normal to think your children are ugly, or to worry about their appearances. But I wonder if this is a deep insecurity you harbour, that one’s value is nothing more than skin deep and maybe this is something to work on.

KatMansfield6 · 09/09/2025 19:51

My mum is strikingly beautiful and even now in her 60s always looks like a model. My dad is...not. I was actually a fairly pretty child but by my teens it was clear that I took after my Dad. At times it was hard, people always said I didn't look much like her -- and I knew that they were really saying that I wasn't that attractive.

But she always affirmed me -- she never lied and said I was beautiful but she was clear that I was perfectly averagely attratcive and had many much more important things going for me. I always felt like she genuinely didn't care how pretty I was, her love wasnt contingent on my looks at all. She celebrated my academic achievements and was so much more bothered about what I was doing than how I looked.

She was also clear that her beauty had often been a hindrance more than anything. Shed always struggled to have male friends, work colleagues had always pursued her, she was followed and harassed abroad. Being a bit more "normal" looking wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

After normal teenage awkwardness I've ended up as an adult with good self esteem and a positive body image. I know I'm not beautiful but I have a wonderful husband who is gorgeous. I know part of this is due to my Mum -- she managed to help me inherit her confidence without inheriting her looks.

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2025 19:52

You never know what they'll turn into. I was so ugly as a child strangers turned away from me, now I'm fucking gorgeous.

theleafandnotthetree · 09/09/2025 19:53

LeftFooter · 09/09/2025 19:45

I genuinely think my children are absolutely gorgeous. Ridiculously good-looking. I thought all mothers thought like this?

I really don't get this at all. My son, yes, I can see that he is objectively quite nice looking good skin, symmetrical features etc but my daughter is really quite plain. Lots of people, perhaps most people, are. My children are nothing special. I haven't lost my sense of aesthetics just because I am looking at a face I love.

SleepQuest33 · 09/09/2025 19:53

I think it’s very brave of you to acknowledge those feelings OP.

I’ve now been for 5 decades on this planet and I can honestly say that personality, confidence, kindness is much much more attractive in the long run than good looks.

work on that with your DC.

Itstwelveoclocksomewhere · 09/09/2025 19:53

I think this is a refreshingly honest thread OP.

There are so many posts about people stopping to exclaim how beautiful some posters kids are when of course most people pass these meaningless remarks for want of something to say about a baby.

My kids are not particularly good looking. One was a very pretty toddler but quite honestly would be hard to pick out in a group of kids their age. The other is a teen and is completely ordinary looking and always was ordinary looking.

FlumpyFlimp · 09/09/2025 19:53

I think you have to convince yourself that looks don’t matter and model this to your kids.

I had 2 exceptionally attractive parents - model and actor - back in the day - and my mum at the age of 90 still judges people - well women - mostly on their looks.

Me and my sister were above average but always thought we were ugly as compared unfavourably to parents and others. I tried not to pass that on to my kids.

My kids are maybe a bit above average but are pretty confident, one rarely wears make up or dresses up and the other dresses well but otherwise does not bother so much - they are not self conscious because I did my best to show them that looks don’t matter.

PigletSanders · 09/09/2025 19:53

Fullofpudding · 09/09/2025 18:17

What a ridiculous post! I haven’t given a 2nd thought about what my kids look like. How old even are your kids?

Not sure I wholly believe you. My son when he was a baby was the apple of my eye, but I could identify he was a little unfortunate looking. 🤣 he’s grown into it now though and is a really handsome little boy. But it was rough for a while…

Gingernessy · 09/09/2025 19:54

GoldenGirl85 · 09/09/2025 18:15

I know this probably makes me sound horribly shallow, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere anonymous.

I’ve always been considered attractive – not supermodel-level, but the type of person who is often told they have nice features. My DH is wonderful: kind, intelligent, successful, and a genuinely good man. He’s not conventionally attractive in terms of looks, but that has never mattered to me because he has so many other qualities.

Here’s the thing: our DC don’t seem to have inherited the “best of both worlds.” At the moment, they look much more like DH, and while they are beautiful to me as their mum, I can objectively see they aren’t conventionally good-looking children. I know children change as they grow, and features shift, so there’s every chance they will grow into their looks.

I’m aware how shallow and ridiculous this sounds – I don’t want to pass these thoughts onto my DC or make them feel any less loved or confident. But occasionally, when I see other people’s children who are striking or “pretty,” I feel that pang of comparison and guilt for even noticing.

I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere: that conflict between loving your children unconditionally but also being aware of how society views attractiveness. I hate that it even crosses my mind, but it does.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did your DC grow into their looks as they got older?

Why do you think it matters?
I was an ugly child and have never really blossomed so I made sure I'm kind and fun to be with.
I have a great husband, fantastic extended family on both sides and loads of good friends. I'm happy in my job and get on well with my colleagues.
What more would being pretty have given me?

EarringsandLipstick · 09/09/2025 19:54

theleafandnotthetree · 09/09/2025 19:53

I really don't get this at all. My son, yes, I can see that he is objectively quite nice looking good skin, symmetrical features etc but my daughter is really quite plain. Lots of people, perhaps most people, are. My children are nothing special. I haven't lost my sense of aesthetics just because I am looking at a face I love.

Show quote history

I definitely thought my babies, as newborns, were the most beautiful creatures ever. I think we all do that, to make sure we are happy to get up and feed them at ungodly hours!

After that though, although I often thought they were cute of course, I definitely didn't think they were crazy good looking - I'm not sure I ever really assessed them in terms of their looks, in isolation anyway!

Rightandwrong · 09/09/2025 19:54

There are a lot of really depressing posts on MN and this is one of them.
Who on earth looks at their own children and judges them as not being attractive?
What a sad world we live in that is all about physical appearance.

ILoveWhales · 09/09/2025 19:54

GoldenGirl85 · 09/09/2025 18:15

I know this probably makes me sound horribly shallow, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere anonymous.

I’ve always been considered attractive – not supermodel-level, but the type of person who is often told they have nice features. My DH is wonderful: kind, intelligent, successful, and a genuinely good man. He’s not conventionally attractive in terms of looks, but that has never mattered to me because he has so many other qualities.

Here’s the thing: our DC don’t seem to have inherited the “best of both worlds.” At the moment, they look much more like DH, and while they are beautiful to me as their mum, I can objectively see they aren’t conventionally good-looking children. I know children change as they grow, and features shift, so there’s every chance they will grow into their looks.

I’m aware how shallow and ridiculous this sounds – I don’t want to pass these thoughts onto my DC or make them feel any less loved or confident. But occasionally, when I see other people’s children who are striking or “pretty,” I feel that pang of comparison and guilt for even noticing.

I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere: that conflict between loving your children unconditionally but also being aware of how society views attractiveness. I hate that it even crosses my mind, but it does.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did your DC grow into their looks as they got older?

I will say that my mom was full of nothing but criticism for my appearance. My clothes, my hair, my skin, the way I looked.
She wants at primary school age called me scruffy, when she's responsible for buying my clothes and washing my hair.

I recently, when she died, got the old photograph albums out and looked at me as a child and realized how lovely I was. I remember being fat and ugly and actually I was really skinny and really cute.

My mom got better as I aged and she was full of compliments for me when I was older. But childhood did the damage.

Your poor children. Post a picture of yourself, and let's see how beautiful you really are.Because it's in the eye of the beholder.

PigletSanders · 09/09/2025 19:56

LeftFooter · 09/09/2025 19:45

I genuinely think my children are absolutely gorgeous. Ridiculously good-looking. I thought all mothers thought like this?

Well, some do. They’re usually mistaken.

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 09/09/2025 19:56

@GoldenGirl85

I made a lot of money modelling for most of my adult life. A lot.

I was also bullied in primary school for being ugly.

Eldest DS also bullied for his looks is now college age and has been approached by two brands to model for them.

So what if we're ugly ducklings? I'd rather be a swan for 30yrs than cute in school for 5 minutes.

My daughter looks like a wide mouth frog. I genuinely couldn't give a shit. I know it's going to have no bearing on what she looks like at 18. She just needs to be happy.

Itstwelveoclocksomewhere · 09/09/2025 19:57

I definitely thought my babies, as newborns, were the most beautiful creatures ever. I think we all do that, to make sure we are happy to get up and feed them at ungodly hours!

They all look so similar really. I find it quite hard to know which one it was, when I look at baby photos.

PigletSanders · 09/09/2025 19:58

Rightandwrong · 09/09/2025 19:54

There are a lot of really depressing posts on MN and this is one of them.
Who on earth looks at their own children and judges them as not being attractive?
What a sad world we live in that is all about physical appearance.

I think it’s pretty honest and for many posters, seems to be pretty relatable.