Is there any situation in where you could stay

[dreamer1999]

Been with my partner 8/9 years, we're youngish, me 30 him 29.
We have 3 kids, 5,3 and 1.
Recently found out he had a brief affair with someone (not known to me) and she ended up pregnant and kept it. He only told me as she has opened a maintenance case with the cms.
Could you ever move on from this or forgive him? Will I ever not think about it or be able to look at him and not think about what he has done. Please help my head is going to explode.

How are you doing @dreamer1999 ?

@Golow thank you for asking, I'm ok, he's staying at his mums at the moment, I need time to think without him trying to rush us back to normal.
Strangely our house is a lot calmer and feels nicer without him here.
I'm not feeling upset, just used and abused!
I don't see any situation in which I tell him to come back, I'm not a mug. If I let him back I feel like I'd be saying what you did is fine and none of it is, he is a nasty person with zero morals.

It's amazing how your perspective shifts when you're given space. The fact he wants to rush you to make a quick decision is a massive red flag - he wants things to 'go back to normal', which means he has taken no accountability, feels no real remorse (maybe some guilt for being found out) and is unwilling / unable to self reflect. He didn't give a shit when he was cheating on you, having unprotected sex and lying to you, has seemingly just blamed the OW - and he's continuing to not give a shit about the impact his actions have had.

I hope you're able to hold on to that calm and peace. Well done for finding your self with 💕

@Golow I think he's very calculated and manipulative, it's only when you look back you see things you were blind to, like you say he wasn't bothered about lying to me and cheating on me, rejecting his own baby and that's not someone I want to be around. Even though I know my decision I'm going to let him sweat and see if he runs to ow as he's not getting what he wants. There's lots to sort but, rather now than when he's cheated on me again:

I commend you for keeping a cool head and not letting him sweet talk you into sweeping this whole sorry affair under the rug.

KOKO and you'll be fine!

I'm glad you've had some space to think. It's telling that you're finding the house calm without him there- I can't imagine what bad energy he must have been bringing to your home (even before you knew the truth- he has been carrying the weight of a huge deception and that is throughly toxic as an environment for you and your family.)
You're doing really well. We're all here for you.

It sounds like you can see him for who he is now - and it's not nice. But you're right, if you take him back you're.complicit in his behaviour- or morally you'll feel the need to you push him to be around for his son and you've got then 18 years of him as a reminder of his infidelity plus 18 years more contact with his affair partner. You just don't need that in your life. Leave him to sweat.
You're doing brilliantly 💕

I hope he's paying that out of his own money. I wouldn't letting him pay £600 out of our or my money