Could your marriage survive an affair?

[NovemberMorn]

What are your thoughts? Having read many threads on MN in the last month or so, I am guessing the majority of posters will say a resounding No.
Till it happens.
When I was younger, I would have said definitely not.
Now...possibly.

It depends on the reason for the affair. I certainly think it's possible but rare to get the trust back

No

Listening to friends, neighbours, even strangers sometimes (I must have one of those faces) affairs don't just happen out of the blue, people go looking for them.
I agree about the trust issue, but I think it can be built up again, very gradually.

I think if it was a one night stand on a night out, I wouldn't be happy with it, but could work through it. But if it was an emotional affair over months then it would be game over!

I'm single at the moment, but if I wasn't, I would never want to 'survive' an affair. I'm worth more than that.

Agree with this. I know my worth.

Nope. I deserve far better than a relationship wherein I am "surviving".

My husband knows full well my hard lines, if he ever cheats on me or betrays me financially I will definitely leave him and possibly kill him.

I'm a hard no, I know myself better than anyone and I wouldn't forgive, and trust can't be rebuilt once it's been obliterated by cheating.
I have 2 good friends, who are a couple, one cheated. They have stayed together. Each to their own but definitely not me.

No. Marriage is monogamy and an affair is not so the marriage would be dead. You can’t be “a little bit married”.

Even if I wanted to try and get over it I know I couldn't. I wouldn't want to spend my life waiting for it to happen again.

I don't think so. Not long term.

You may stay together (for whatever reason) but I don't think it would ever be the same.

Affairs can come out of the blue.

Never underestimate the occurrence of a sudden opportunity

Marriages and relationships in general 'survive' a lot of things, deaths, hardships, loss, etc....you can insert another word if you like.

No.
The question is put in an odd way.
I'm not interested in affairs (men) anymore
and my significantly older husband is 75.
That said, I would very happily live on my own and be single at any time, than put any effort into surviving (presumably husband's) affair.
Not happening here, anyways!
👍

My relationship would last just as long as the affair partners now tragically shortened life. Jk btw

No, I have worth and it's way above someone cheating. I can live alone, I did before partner for many years, I can again.

I've been through all of those things plus illness , addiction, near homelessness in my relationship and never once felt like the relationship was "surviving". We're a team and go through all of those things together and our relationship remained strong, an affair is a solo activity and not comparable nor something I have any interest in trying to survive.

Our marriage couldn't survive an affair, because I wouldn't tolerate my husband having one. I don't consider it a marriage worth saving if he respects me that little.

Asking if it "could" survive an affair is a weird question to me, because it implies that surviving an affair is an achievement and a desirable outcome. As if marriages that "can't survive" an affair were somehow inferior. Which I totally disagree with. By definition, a marriage where someone cheats was a broken one and choosing to overlook that doesn't make the relationship better than if you leave.

It kind of did but I was getting more miserable as time went on afterwards and his affair hadn't helped.

Divorced now over something else he did.

The question itself is odd. You make it sound as though the better and stronger the marriage, the more likely it is to survive infidelity. Whereas it seems to me that a good, strong marriage is founded on trust and respect, which are both obliterated by infidelity.

I've been with DH since we were kids and we couldn't be closer or happier. If either of us cheated, it would end that day. I'm comfortable with that.

Have you had an affair OP?

Totally this.

Yes it could. But I don't think we will get there..dh is in his 60s I am in my 50s and a bit overweight. However I don't think I would stop caring or want my marriage of dh did have an affair. But some work would need to be done.

This

It would end in blood.

Same unfortunately. he would need to start running.