Safeguarding referral from A&E due to partner

[ChubbyChickadee]

I have a six year old son, have been in a relationship with someone with mental health issues for a year now.

On Thursday when DS and I were in our way to a funeral, my partner went for a walk and OD’d. We obviously met her in the hospital, and the A&E nurse stated that there was a safeguarding concern for my son.

Background, we don’t live together, she hasn’t ever been his sole caretaker. Nanny came and collected him from ha and he has stayed with her since. Spoke to other nurses and doctors and they were confused as to the reason but nobody could tell me what to expect.

j was given a lot of ‘it’s extra support for her’ and he shouldn’t be taken away from you etc. I tried googling and all I could find was a call within 24hrs which I haven’t had.

I’m petrified what is going to happen next. Don’t know how to tell my parents (very judgemental) about what is going on, so have literally no support. The hospital have done nothing to help and are literally discharging her whilst she is still having suicidal thoughts and yeah, I’m struggling and just want some reassurance what to expect in regards to my little boy, who is literally my whole world.

Usually if there is a 'stable' parent involved who can provide safety for the child then nothing really.
Answer the questions work with them be clear how you will protect your child

Why on earth did you take your 6yr old to the hospital to sit with someone having a massive MH crisis? It isn't something I'd do, tbh. I'd have made every effort to keep my 6yr old very far away from that scenario.

And when you say "nanny" do you mean a nanny or a grandparent? Why isn't your son staying with you?

You’ve only known her a year.
She’s got mh issues and overdosed.
You took your 6 year old to the hospital with you.
I’d have raised a safeguarding referral too.
He’s 6, he needs protecting from all of this plus the hospital may know more about her MH than you and have more concerns they cannot share with you.

Who is the boy s mother? Where are they?

She took an overdose whilst you were attending a funeral? So you're now separated from your whole world and feeling you have to care for her 24/7 instead of being home with him? And worry about social services being involved?

It's a point to consider.

There is way too much wrong with this... I'm not sure I'd take a 6 year old too either a funeral or A&E to sit with someone who had taken an overdose... it's really NOT pretty.

I agree with a referral being made.

It's very sad that she's struggling but ultimately you need to protect your child. You can't be her carer and it's not fair to have him in the middle of this

Why are you assuming the OP is a man? Have gay relationships been banned all of a sudden?

Read what you have written.

This is not a normal happy life for a six year old.

I have a six year old and every fibre of my being would want to keep them away from pretty much everything you have described in your post.

If your son is your whole world you prioritise him over a troubled girlfriend of a year. I can’t believe you’ve shipped him out so you can care for someone you don’t live with. Where are her family and friends? How long will your child be kept from his home so you can prioritise your relationship?

They will likely give you a call and if satisfied with your answers that you can keep your child safe (by which they mean not exposed to her mental health or left alone with her if she could be suicidal) and schools answers shut it down. More concerned they will do an assessment and visits and meetings - don't think as you are a stable parent there is any chance they will remove him from you. It may be deeply unpleasant for her but their concern is the child not being exposed to mental health issues. There won't be any support just a lot of judgement.

Things that would help are not exposing your child to her mental health issues and ensuring good care for your child at all times and not leaving him alone with her at any point if she is ever suicidal. Use your parents as carers if needed. My daughter's friend Mum was sadly in this situation and she got banned from the child in the end (child remained with male parent) and she was so traumatised by it she attempted suicide but they don't care about the parent only about the child, she also got sentenced to a month in prison for ignoring the no contact. I would try if you are able to make sure she has support for her from friends / family / professionals, the judgement of this could well be a risk factor for further suicide attempts. It was really unhelpful the way they dealt with it imo but this is the system, 100% based on the child. Her own mother had spent her whole life in psychiatric hospital and she had been excluded from school so had no qualifications shortly after her Mum was admitted to hospital. She loved the children so much but desperately needed support which just wasn't available in the current climate. It did take several years for this process and it does depend who you get, some have some empathy others have none.

She hasn't been his sole carer but it sounds like he has been around her.

Taking a child to a funeral can be appropriate but you should never have taken him to hospital to see someone who has just O'D.

Someone close to you has just died (funeral). Your child does not need to be around someone who is trying to kill themselves

Protect your child from emotional distress.

If they do an assessment they may well contact your parents so it may be best to let them know. If they have never had mental health issues it may help your case if you can use them for care.

We obviously met her in the hospital, and the A&E nurse stated that there was a safeguarding concern for my son.

Honestly, I would have concerns about your judgement too.

A hospital with a person who has just OD’d is not a good place for a child and you should have dropped him off at your parents house before going to the hospital.

This person cannot be around your son, end of.

I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
You have only been together a year and someone with such severe MH issues is a massive ordeal to take on.

You need to protect your son and your own MH and I’m not sure how you can do that whilst in a relationship with someone so unstable.

At the very least you need to completely separate your relationship and child.
Only see your girlfriend when your son isn’t there.

I would end the relationship, and I say that as somebody who has mental health issues and children.

It's absolutely shit for children to be exposed to mental ill health and if there is a way of sparing them from it then that is what must be done.

If there ever comes a time I attempt to hurt myself (very unlikely, I'm not depressed I just get panic attacks which i try so hard to keep away from them) I would fully expect DH to shield them from that, even if it meant leaving me.

It isn't fair. This woman isn't even your child's parent, please don't allow them to be traumatised over a mere girlfriend of 1 year.

Lots of sound advice from PP. And the timing of this OD raised my eyebrow. Is there a pattern of your “partner” having acute episodes of feeling suicidal when you have your attention/emotional energy focused on something else (eg a funeral)?

The first thing that sprang to mind is BPD, but I know it's not helpful to demonise and speculate 😕

Where is the boy's other parent?

Do you have sole custody of him?

Honestly, taking a child to A & E when someone is having a mental health crisis is poor parenting.

This was my key takeaway as well. Attending a funeral triggers a MH event that requires you to drop everything in your world, at at time when you or people you love are grieving… I suspect it’s not the first or only time that a MH event or crisis has coincidentally happened at a time when your energy was focussed elsewhere

I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time and it’s kind of you to take care of your girlfriend but you need to prioritise your son.
Is there someone else your girlfriend could stay with whilst she’s going through this? You can still visit etc but it’s a safe guarding concern and now your child is staying with someone else so they don’t feel like the priority.

Because your child is not your priority. You said his nanny picked him up and stayed there since. Thats 3 days. You basically turfed your son off to look after this girl you met a year ago after bringing him to a hospital and exposing him to that.

You should be breaking up with this person and bringing your son home.

This.

your child takes priority not this person. She clearly has issues she needs to sort. You and your child need to be well away till it’s sorted.

I don't understand what is meant by 'Nanny came and collected him from ha' ?

Is this the little boy's usual nanny - is he used to staying overnight with her?

Or did social services send the nanny?

Taking him to the hospital wasn't great. A 6 year old should not be exposed to such things. I don't understand why you think taking him was an obvious move and the fact you think that's ok is a worry.
Honestly I would consider knocking this relationship on the head because someone who overdoses while you are at a funeral is far too much to take on if you have a young child. You've only been together a year and your child is exposed to this and spending several unplanned nights with gran because of it. Even if they make it out the other end of all this and get well it will take its toll on you, and so also your child because supporting your girlfriend is bound to deplete resources for your son.
Already you, your son and gran are affected and your judgement has gone off kilter. Just call it a day and focus on your son.

What everyone else said.

it’s blindingly obvious to everyone for your description of events why SS were called. Except you it seems.

Your child shouldn’t have been there. Your child shouldn’t have been exposed to the situation at all. Your child shouldn’t now be with ‘nanny’ because if he were your world, you’d be with him and not prioritising a gf of a year.