Safeguarding referral from A&E due to partner

[ChubbyChickadee]

I have a six year old son, have been in a relationship with someone with mental health issues for a year now.

On Thursday when DS and I were in our way to a funeral, my partner went for a walk and OD’d. We obviously met her in the hospital, and the A&E nurse stated that there was a safeguarding concern for my son.

Background, we don’t live together, she hasn’t ever been his sole caretaker. Nanny came and collected him from ha and he has stayed with her since. Spoke to other nurses and doctors and they were confused as to the reason but nobody could tell me what to expect.

j was given a lot of ‘it’s extra support for her’ and he shouldn’t be taken away from you etc. I tried googling and all I could find was a call within 24hrs which I haven’t had.

I’m petrified what is going to happen next. Don’t know how to tell my parents (very judgemental) about what is going on, so have literally no support. The hospital have done nothing to help and are literally discharging her whilst she is still having suicidal thoughts and yeah, I’m struggling and just want some reassurance what to expect in regards to my little boy, who is literally my whole world.

There is a place for children at funerals, if they want to be there.

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/children-young-people/funerals/

If the op is who i strongly suspect she is, this is the latest in a long line of incidents where her son has been treated badly/neglectfully and/or abusively because of her relationship with this woman. It's about time someone took steps to protect that little boy because his mother sure isn't.

If that's not you, op, then it stands that taking your son to the hospital to sit with someone who has had an overdose who isn't even related to him is such a huge, glaring error of judgement that they were right to refer it, and you are not putting your son first. Your son shouldn't be anywhere near this woman.

So your 6 year old son who is “your whole world” spent a day going to a funeral and then to a&e to witness mum/dads girlfriend having a mental health crisis having overdosed and was then shipped off with nanny for 3 days whilst his parent stayed with their new girlfriend.

The referral was necessary. Your poor boy.

Poor child.

The point is Ops post isn't very clear. How can anybody give an opinion when things are so vague.

I have a child the same age. There is no way in god's green earth that I would have taken them to the hospital to be around someone having a mental health crisis. They should be protected and shielded from all that.

Not only that, but you've now shipped him off so he's out of the way and you can focus your attention on your girlfriend. She should not be your priority, that little boy needs to be your priority.

You say he is your whole world but being blunt, you're not protecting him or prioritising him here. I would likely have made a safeguarding referral too.

Tell your parents what is happening. You've known this girl a year and she is already having a negative impact on your child. You need to walk away.

Bringing a 6 year old to a funeral is fine don’t be so ridiculous.

I would be very surprised if this meets any threshold for action to be taken.

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for anyone.

They were right to do a referral. You have shown a complete lack of judgement with your 6 year old, you should not have taken him to the hospital. No he is not your world or priority, she is. Same old same old.

My son was referred to safeguarding when my husband was going through a mental health crisis. Nothing happened, not even a phone call or email. Which is a worry if he’d actually been at serious risk. I’d have welcomed the support at that point in time tbh.

I could despair at the calibre of some parents sometimes. Why is it so hard to put the needs of a child over oneself? I brought up two children alone and prioritising their well being was as natural as breathing.

Son comes first …

Maybe it's time to listen to your parents? Maybe they have good reason to be judgemental and are actually just concerned for your little boy. Your girlfriend is not in the right place to have a relationship with a parent, time to get your kid back from nanny and concentrate on you and your child. You are definitely not putting your child first at the moment.

This could easily snow ball. Get rid of the gf. Your responsibility is to your DS.

There is no way I'd have subjected my DS to this.

I agree wholeheartedly.

I agree with other posters.

You took your 6yo to sit with someone in the hospital having a mental health crisis. This someone isn't a bio-relation of any sort, but is mums fairly new partner.
Yeah, I'm not massively surprised they raised a referral.

And your partners response to you going off to a funeral was to go for a walk and then OD? That's not normal in anyone's book. And this person has regular close contact with your child, and is obviously very unstable.

Now social services are involved, I'd be ending this relationship because it isn't worth the hassle. What's more important? This partner, or your child?

Prioritise your child who you have repsonsibility for and not a non resident girlfriend of a years standing who you don't, because your actions so far are genuinely concerning.

Well one of the women would be his birth mother, no?

As others have said, prioritise your child. Do you want your son to find your partner after she has attempted self harm? Or, worse still, after she has actually succeeded? While she is in your home the likelihood is that could happen. Sorry but no. This is not a healthy relationship, and it's very wrong to involve your son in it.

Taking (not bringing 🙄) a 6 year old child to a funeral is not something I would do.

I’m not sure if there is a lot of information missing but for what it is worth as an ex-social worker …
-How are the hospital aware of your sons details? Name/address etc. did you provide this or did your partner?

-If a safeguarding referral is made it should always be discussed with the person/parent it is being made for. Consent should be provided UNLESS the referrer assesses the risk is too high. However if the risk is this high you should have been contacted Friday and/or an unannounced visit would have taken place if contact could be made (this could have been via the school or a police welfare check).

-Again, your consent is required for a full Social Work assessment which will lead to final outcome (CIN or CP) UNLESS the risk is too high in which case consent is not required.

-It could be that the hospital were unaware of your son until you arrived with him for him to witness a person in a suicidal manner. For their own personal accountability may have felt better putting a referral in, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it will amount to anything.

-I do acknowledge that you are worried and wouldn’t want anything to happen, however in this scenario your sons safety and wellbeing is paramount. You need to protect your son from harm, and this will include keeping him safe from your current situation of your partner and their MH concerns. You may be asked why you took him to witness this and what you could have done differently. There will have to be trust this isn’t something you expose your son to regularly due to his age.

Overall, I would not worry too much based on the information provided here, however if there is missing information the above could be irrelevant - your son is paramount here, it is your role to protect him and it sounds positive he was able to stay with his Nanny (assuming maternal grandparent?) to keep him safe during a time where it sounds it would be pretty scary for him at home if exposed to this.

This - also PP mentioned you feel you can't talk to "judgmental parents" but I'd have a think about if you are also being slowly isolated.

I get why the referral was made - to protect your 6 year old son as this isn't great experience for him - but doubt much would happen if this was a one of incident or all SS are aware of.

Your child should never have been taken to the hospital to see sit with someone who had just tried to commit suicide. They are a child not a comfort blanket.

It was not a safe situation for the child to be in hence the safeguarding concerns to SW. You seriously need to rethink this whole relationship because your child is going to be paying the price for it. Also taking a young child to a funeral is questionable judgement to unless there is a massive back story and it's someone really close to them.

I am very sorry your partner has mental health issues but your child's safety including emotionally safety and well being must come first.

Also does your partner's suicide attempts coincide with you being busy with other things or your child? Unfortunately I have seen this happen and it's so damaging to the kids.

You need to end the relationship, and start making your son your priority.

He will only be little for a short time, don't ruin his childhood for someone you have only known for a year.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, and I understand she has MH issues, but if you carry on as you are, you will look back and regret it.