Safeguarding referral from A&E due to partner

[ChubbyChickadee]

I have a six year old son, have been in a relationship with someone with mental health issues for a year now.

On Thursday when DS and I were in our way to a funeral, my partner went for a walk and OD’d. We obviously met her in the hospital, and the A&E nurse stated that there was a safeguarding concern for my son.

Background, we don’t live together, she hasn’t ever been his sole caretaker. Nanny came and collected him from ha and he has stayed with her since. Spoke to other nurses and doctors and they were confused as to the reason but nobody could tell me what to expect.

j was given a lot of ‘it’s extra support for her’ and he shouldn’t be taken away from you etc. I tried googling and all I could find was a call within 24hrs which I haven’t had.

I’m petrified what is going to happen next. Don’t know how to tell my parents (very judgemental) about what is going on, so have literally no support. The hospital have done nothing to help and are literally discharging her whilst she is still having suicidal thoughts and yeah, I’m struggling and just want some reassurance what to expect in regards to my little boy, who is literally my whole world.

The nanny can't be the grandmother because OP says she can't tell her parents:

"Don’t know how to tell my parents (very judgemental) about what is going on, so have literally no support."

Where is your boy now? Is it usual for him to be away last night and tonight? Who is nanny? Is she a grandparent?

If it were me, I'd be parking everything else and concentrating on getting my boy back home with me.

He's been taken to a funeral, been to a hospital, been around someone he knows who is suffering a MH crisis and then taken away by nanny. That's a lot for him to be processing.

Where is your sons other parent? Assuming there is one and it's not a sperm donor situation. And is 'nanny' an actual employed nanny or a grandmother?

Either way, your child absolutely should be subject to safeguarding concerns based on what you have said and done here. If you had any sense you would end the relationship, prioritise your child, work with social services to prove they are safe and not make any of these mistakes again.

Are you the poster in a same sex relationship with a 6 year old son and a hugely abusive partner who has a 10 ish year old dd?

If you don't live together, then you must protect and prioritise your son first and foremost. If your gf is still suicidal, the crisis team will be round daily to establish the severity of the crisis and work out what a care plan will look like going forwards. It's important that your gf engages with them fully, so try not to get suckered in as her carer - your priority must be your child. I know it's hard but only seeing your gf when you don't have your child with you is the correct boundary to maintain.

I'm sorry to say, OP, but I'm glad they did the referral. Your child needs someone to safeguard them. You should never have put them in that situation. I hope they get the support they need, and I really hope it helps you to see some sense.

My brother tried to end his life and called me in a panic regretting his decision, completely freaking out. Every fibre of my being wanted to just get in the car and go to him, but I was a lone parent to a 4yo at the time. I banged my neighbours door until they woke up and left him with them whilst on the phone to ambulance because I did not want him seeing his uncle in that state. I wouldn't have dreamt of subjecting him to that. You weren't protective OP.

@CherrySocks good point.
I'll be honest, I was giving benefit of the doubt because a gran in our family is a nanna. So I thought maybe....
Might still be gran on other side of the family?
If it's someone just paid to care for them then that's doubly shit. Having someone unrelated and only doing it because they are paid to looking after your son since Thursday so you can prioritise your girlfriend of a year is really worrying.

So your little boy was on the way to a funeral (did you get there?) then next thing, suddenly in A and E with a short term girl friend of parent, who had attempted suicide then taken away from parent by "nanny" - whoever that is? and has not seen parent since?

A child of 6 should not have heard of over doses and suicide attempts

Yes, these are safeguarding concerns

End the relationship and bring your child home and look after him

All of this.

Then add on the fact you have asked someone else to take him and have him overnight and .... for how long ?

Then you say your little boy is literally my whole world. when clearly, he isn't and he isn't your priority at the moment.

I am glad they have raised a safeguarding concern.

The title of this thread should be changed to "Safeguarding referral due to parent having clearly no sensible boundaries about how to protect a 6yo from emotionally traumatising situations and no ability to put son's needs above girlfriend's"

You prioritise your son over your gf.

Protect him from this.

Does your gf have anyone else to support her?

Does she have EUPD?

Why bring someone with such severe mental health issues into your child's life?

It's only been a year and you sensibly don't live together. I would end the relationship, your DC is more important. It is not your job to be your DP's support, they have to help themselves.

I agree with this.

We obviously met her in the hospital

There’s nothing ‘obvious’ about that. The obvious thing to do would have been to get someone to look after your son before you went to the hospital to sit with a woman you’ve only been dating for a relatively short time who is mentally unstable and overdosed. Your child was already having to deal with the emotional impact of one death, and taking him to A&E for another awful experience was a mad thing to do.

You don’t say what it was that your girlfriend overdosed on, but I would guess that the type of drug used could also be a factor in a safeguarding referral.

I think if your child really is your whole world you should probably start prioritising him and his welfare over your relationship with someone who is deemed a safeguarding risk. It doesn’t matter whether your unstable girlfriend lives with you or has sole care of your child - that doesn’t mean her presence in your life doesn’t pose a risk to your son. I personally would not be continuing what is actually a pretty new relationship with someone whose instability meant that my six year old was getting dragged to A&E to witness/hear about the aftermath of an overdose, and I’m pretty shocked that you don’t see the issue. No wonder your parents are judging you, frankly. I would too. You’re not putting your child first - you’re bringing a source of distress and instability into his life.

If he is your whole world prioritise him as such because he is your responsibility yiur partner of a year isbt

A suicidal adult who has contact with a child will always be a safeguarding concern, whether they live with them or not. Bringing your child to A&E probably didn't help, but I'd advise you to bring your child home, prioritise them and wait for a call from a social worker. Make it very obvious that your child's wellbeing is your number one priority, and that you are willing to end this relationship if necessary. You can support your partner if you wish from a distance, but do not let this impact on your child.

Dump her and prioritise your child who should not be anywhere near her.

As the PP has said, it will be an automatic call to safeguarding if an adult who has contact with a child tries to kill themselves. But you now need to think carefully about whether this woman is a good influence in your childs life.

This

That poor child☹️ makes me wonder what else he has seen in his short life

I haven't read the full thread. But I think I know why the situation is a safeguarding concern. It is considered emotional abuse if we allow our children to witness certain things.

I really don't understand why you don't get it OP. You arenot putting your child first. You are putting your love life first. Your poor child.

You’ve had a lot of replies Op and it’s hard to feel like you’ve done the wrong thing. Not going to a funeral and bringing your child to the hospital to someone who’s done this when you at your lowest is why they’ve done this I’m sorry. No one is taking your child away, they just want you to understand how this is impacting them and to protect them. Listen to what they advise and work with them.