To think birthday etiquette is going downhill?

[Doglover321]

I recently organised a birthday meal out to a local Indian restaurant. It was booked and announced 4 months in advance and a whopping 31 people attended, however only 5 people didn’t come empty-handed. AIBU to think this is rude? I’ve been brought up to believe it is basic birthday etiquette to bring SOMETHING with you, even if it’s just a cheap bag of sweets. Has been playing on my mind!

Even something from the charity or 99p shop. A gift is better than no gift.

why do you need 31 packets of sweets or tat? I’d rather have a good friends company and them say Happy Birthday than have a load of shite.

Like I said, I would have absolutely loved just a bag of sweets, cheap chocolates or drink bought and been very happy

I wasn’t expecting anything extravagant, from anyone

But that's only your opinion on gifts. I don't want cheap shit. I don't want 31 cheap bags of sweets. I'd rather have no present.

The best presents I get are from my best friend of 30+ years. We don't always buy gifts for each other, but if we do it's because we've seen "the perfect thing".

of course. You're being very entitled to expect a gift when they're already paying for their meal. I'm pretty shocked you had so many attend.

You are giving off pouty princess vibes now. It's not a good look. Hopefully your friends won't recognise you from the posts.

Maybe next time be explicit about your need for a gift when you invite people if it means that much. I’m sure they’ll be falling over themselves to express their love for you via the medium of haribo.

I agree with you @QueenOfTheEntireFuckingUniverse if somebody does something unexpected it is far nicer.
As I've gotten older I've learnt to not feel pressured into doing things I don't agree with to appease others. The fact there is a whole ungrateful thread on the 'issue' ppl turned up for a birthday meal they paid for is ridiculous. Op 99p? You're being petty.

Going out for a birthday meal, that I'm paying for, for an adult, I'd only take a gift if it was someone I'd have bought a gift for if they hadn't had a celebration. I'd probably buy the birthday boy/girl a drink.

If it was a properly hosted party, I'd take a gift.

ooooOOOOoooo

You invited 30-odd people, half of whom you barely know, in the hopes of 30-odd small gifts/gift vouchers so you'd make a profit on your night out. Okay then.

But did you buy a gift for the birthdays of the other 29 invitees who didn't have a celebration?

Because if not then you are equating a gift with going out for food rather than to mark their birthdays.

And "ill buy you a present because you've booked a table in a restaurant but not if you havent" is completely illogical.

The etiquette of it is not to invite a whole bunch of strangers/people you’ve met once via Meet Up along with your actual friends to a sort-of birthday meal, sort-of Meet Up event, advertised on Meet Up? It confuses everyone and probably irritates the hell out of your actual friends, who are paying to go for a meal with strangers.

This is all very odd....

Are the 17 people you describe as close friends people that you met online?

How long have you known them all?

Are you autistic? I don't mean that offensively - I'm also autistic.

I definitely wouldn't expect people I didn't know well to both bring gifts and pay for themselves.

Yes. If you were paying for the meal then fair enough to expect a gift, but you are expecting people to pay to celebrate your birthday AND buy a gift.

It's not the same as throwing a party.

I would do, yes. Two of my attendees had their birthdays in January after I quit my job and I still forked out for birthday cards and gifts for them despite having to pay for my own meal. First friend was a jokey card and travel mug, second was a more girly card and several chocolate items.

Agree with PP, it's an unusual event (part communal meet up and part birthday celebration) that I don't think traditional etiquette covers.

Surely if anything you're the rude one by saying that anyone who doesn't follow your illogical idea of what is right is rude and doesnt have a "basic idea of etiquette"

It's not like your post was "I always bring a present when I go out for someone's birthday but on my recent birthday most people didn't get me anything so what is the norm?" Which would be a general query.

It was "I do this and therefore anyone who doesn't do the same as me is wrong and rude."

Nope, not autistic or anything like that.

I’m at similar age group, and all my friends are too and we still do presents, even if they are just token gifts. I wouldn’t turn up anywhere empty handed!

Someone gets it! 👏

I can't believe you're expecting that when you're already making them pay for a meal out

Gets what? The materialistic grabbiness? How lovely.

But it sounds like half of these people are not actually your friends?

They're just internet strangers that have joined an online meet up group to meet other possibly lonely people?

Why wouldn't you pay for your own meal?

I think maybe you'd be better off hosting a traditional party for a smaller number of friends.