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Original poster

Alcohol free home having guests

55 replies

Egh443 · 25/03/2023 18:41

My house is an alcohol free home I don’t allow alcohol or people who have been drinking into my house for personal reasons. I live with my partner and our son. My MIL is staying over soon and knows my feelings towards alcohol the day she is staying at ours she is going out for a meal with her friends which will involve drinking. Had I known this before she would not have been invited to stay at my home. I don’t want her coming into my home having consumed alcohol or holding my son. She lives abroad and doesn’t see us often I thought it would be safe to have her here as she was meant to be spending time with my son and partner while she was here as she’s only here 2 days I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Monstermunchmum · 25/03/2023 18:44

i would say as long as people respect your home rules and don’t drink in the house, you can’t really say what they do before they get to you, but if it upsets you this much tell her she can’t stay.

HangingOver · 25/03/2023 18:45

Tricky one. I do understand the need to have an AF home (for a variety of reasons) but unfortunately most drinkers simply will not understand why this an issue for you. Because what they put in their bodies is their business. Does she have a history of getting rowdy or is it a principal thing? If the former, could you just go to bed early and avoid her?

tribpot · 25/03/2023 18:45

How drunk is she likely to be? I don't keep or serve alcohol in my house, and I wouldn't want anyone obviously drunk in it (and I don't have a baby).

If she's going to be drunk I would ask your DP to ask her to stay away until she sobered up to a reasonable degree, and she won't be holding the baby until the next day.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 25/03/2023 18:46

You do nothing. She's not drinking in your house. You can't control what a grown woman does outside of your home. She can choose what she wants to do.

tribpot · 25/03/2023 18:48

She can choose whether to have a drunk guest in her home.

Anycolouryoulike · 25/03/2023 18:48

I don;t think you can tell a grown woman not to have a drink with her meal out.

Anycolouryoulike · 25/03/2023 18:49

Is she likely to be roaring drunk?

Lydiahateswashing · 25/03/2023 18:50

It doesn’t sound like she is breaking the rules whilst in your house.

You seem to have a strong dislike of drinking, which is fine. You’re perfectly entitled to ask her to not hold your DC after she’s had a drink if it makes you uncomfortable. Can you be open and honest about that?

If she’s had a drink outside of your house then (assuming she’s drinking in moderation) it’s perhaps a little unusual to feel uncomfortable with her coming into your house, but again only you know your personal circumstances. If you do feel uncomfortable then isn’t the best thing to have a conversation about that and find a workaround (Airbnb)?

Tapenade · 25/03/2023 18:51

Does she know you’re an alcohol-free home to this extent?

I’d get your partner to double-check with her and give her the choice to find somewhere else to stay that night or not to drink on the night out. I know if I was in that position I’d have already factored in the “no drinking” rule and arranged to meet my friend somewhere with decent mocktails, but I’m not a big drinker and I know others may just prefer to stay elsewhere for the night.

adriftabroad · 25/03/2023 18:53

How horrible for your DH. Your MIL can certainly drink outside your home if she wants. She is an adult.

Wereongunoil · 25/03/2023 18:53

I have an alcohol free home to the extent the op does.

In this situation I would ask her if she could stay with the friend for the night and come back the following morning

CombatBarbie · 25/03/2023 18:53

2nd thread you've made op...
I replied on your other one.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 25/03/2023 18:54

Rules once in your hoise are fine, but i don't kmow how you police what people do before. As long as she isn't drunk. Of its only glass with lunch it may basically be out her system by the time she gets to you

Wereongunoil · 25/03/2023 18:54

adriftabroad · 25/03/2023 18:53

How horrible for your DH. Your MIL can certainly drink outside your home if she wants. She is an adult.

And the op is perfectly entitled to not let her in if she has been drinking. It's her home after all 🤷

MaraScottie · 25/03/2023 18:55

One drink does not equate to drunk. I think you're being unreasonable.

adriftabroad · 25/03/2023 18:56

Wereongunoil · 25/03/2023 18:54

And the op is perfectly entitled to not let her in if she has been drinking. It's her home after all 🤷

Show quote history

Exactly. She sounds nuts. As I said, poor DH to be in this situation.

BAN THE MIL

supersonicginandtonic · 25/03/2023 18:57

How much is she likely to drink? I work with people with and recovering from addictions and I don't know anybody who acts this way towards others. Alcohol free home I can understand. Telling others what they can do in their free time is another story Entirely

Abyss23 · 25/03/2023 18:58

Your house, your rules.

Having said that, I don't think I'd risk a big fall out with MIL over this. Is she likely to have more than a couple of glasses of wine with lunch?

LightsOnNow · 25/03/2023 18:59

If I had more information about your "personal reasons" for abhorring alcohol before during and after being in your home, I might understand a bit better.

As it stands it sounds a bit extreme.

Pay for her to stay in a hotel. Your DH can visit her. To be honest it sounds that you don't like her much, because if you did you would accommodate her having a few glasses of vino with dinner with her friends.

CombatBarbie · 25/03/2023 18:59

Wereongunoil · 25/03/2023 18:54

And the op is perfectly entitled to not let her in if she has been drinking. It's her home after all 🤷

Show quote history

Not just her home though is it? Her DHs too. She says DH is respected to her wishes so that suggests he does drink outside the home? Does he have to stay with mates when he does?

I think op needs to give us the background on the rigidness.... That will dictate whether she's justified or precious.....

I would feel uncomfortable visiting someone like this unless there was very good reason.

OnaBegonia · 25/03/2023 19:00

I thought it would be safe to have her here
I doubt it's unsafe if she's having a glass of wine with dinner, your reaction is very OTT.

Littlecamellia · 25/03/2023 19:00

I think you need to chill out a bit. If your MIL wants a drink with her meal, it's a perfectly normal thing to do. She's not likely to come into your home totally smashed.

SD1978 · 25/03/2023 19:01

I understand you wanting to have rules within your own house- but there is a huge difference between a glass of wine with lunch, versus coming in to your home drunk. Your visceral reaction to the possibility of even a whiff of alcohol being consumed and then that person being in your house obviously you have reasons for but on the surface seem highly unreasonable. I don't think it's u fair to ask her not to be drunk, but a drink, maybe even two with a meal this seems an overly strong reaction.

SchoolTripDrama · 25/03/2023 19:01

Wow poor MIL and DH!

Alcohol is NOT unsafe! Wow

LindorDoubleChoc · 25/03/2023 19:03

Of course it is fine to have an alcohol free home but it's a bit much to ban anyone from visiting who might have had some alcohol outside of your home, especially a very close relative or friend. Unless she's likely to turn up pissed.