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Original poster

Alcohol free home having guests

55 replies

Egh443 · 25/03/2023 18:41

My house is an alcohol free home I don’t allow alcohol or people who have been drinking into my house for personal reasons. I live with my partner and our son. My MIL is staying over soon and knows my feelings towards alcohol the day she is staying at ours she is going out for a meal with her friends which will involve drinking. Had I known this before she would not have been invited to stay at my home. I don’t want her coming into my home having consumed alcohol or holding my son. She lives abroad and doesn’t see us often I thought it would be safe to have her here as she was meant to be spending time with my son and partner while she was here as she’s only here 2 days I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 25/03/2023 19:03

tribpot · 25/03/2023 18:48

She can choose whether to have a drunk guest in her home.

She said her MIL will be drinking with dinner, not coming home drunk. There's a big difference

SchoolTripDrama · 25/03/2023 19:03

Abyss23 · 25/03/2023 18:58

Your house, your rules.

Having said that, I don't think I'd risk a big fall out with MIL over this. Is she likely to have more than a couple of glasses of wine with lunch?

It's not just her home though is it?!

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 25/03/2023 19:05

Is the issue her having any alcohol at all or turning up drunk?

Two very different things.

BillyNoM8s · 25/03/2023 19:07

Depends. If it's because you or your husband are recovering alcoholics, then she should respect your wishes, including not turning up inebriated.

If I went out and had a beer with my dinner, you wouldn't be able to tell though. If it's undetectable, I don't really see how it's any of your business.

headingtosun · 25/03/2023 19:07

Having a couple of glasses of wine with a meal outside of your house is very different to coming back to your house drunk after a night drinking.

Do you have past experience that indicates your MIL is likely to get drunk?

ditalini · 25/03/2023 19:12

People as sensitive to alcohol as the op will likely be able to tell if a single drink has been consumed (ime).

Op, what does your dh think about this? It's his home too, and his mother, and it sounds like she's travelled a distance to see you.

Yes, an option would be to ask her to stay away but I wouldn't necessarily blame your MIL if she was extremely offended if you requested this. Up to you and your relationships if this isn't something you care about.

Movinghouseatlast · 25/03/2023 19:18

If you don't want someone drunk in your house then fair enough, but a glass of wine with dinner somewhere else is different.

What's the cut off point? Is a glass of wine yesterday not allowed?

If you really don't want her to stay pay for her to stay in a hotel.

Mammyloveswine · 25/03/2023 19:19

Op I think you are being ott.. but no one knows your reasons for being so anti-alcohol that you are trying to control someone not in your house...

thimblewomble879 · 25/03/2023 19:21

Waiting for the big drip feed that's she's some abusive alcoholic.

But baring that you need to relax. Fair enough not to drink in your house or to drive at your house drunk. But you absolutely can't tell her she can't have a glass of wine or two with friends at lunch.

My mother is an alcoholic so I understand being sensitive about it but you can't let it dictate your life like this

LafayetteCwenchinglyMcQuaffen · 25/03/2023 19:23

As others have said it depends if she's likely to be drunk or not. YANBU to refuse a drunk guest. YABU to refuse your MIL if she's had a couple of drinks with dinner in my opinion.

SeeYouNextTLol · 25/03/2023 19:27

St Patrick’s Day must gave been a blast round yours. Sounds like Guinness Zero is evil too!

Wonnle · 25/03/2023 19:31

SeeYouNextTLol · 25/03/2023 19:27

St Patrick’s Day must gave been a blast round yours. Sounds like Guinness Zero is evil too!

Not everyone gives a toss about St Patrick's Day or drinks either !

I'm in both camps

Riverlee · 25/03/2023 19:35

So she’s staying with you for two days, and for one night she’s going out with friends, where there will be alcohol. There’s three possible outcomes , 1) she doesn’t drink, 2) She has one, or maybe two drinks, and three, she comes home drunk.

Option 1 and 2 aren’t really a problem.

Can you talk to her and remind her of your stance on alcohol, and ask her not to drink, or only have one with the meal?

Is the reason you want an. Alcoholic free house due to having recovering alcoholicin the house, or because you grew up in an abusive household, whereby alcoholism caused abuse? Or maybe had an alcoholic abusive partner in the past?

Lulu2171 · 25/03/2023 19:38

Abyss23 · 25/03/2023 18:58

Your house, your rules.

Having said that, I don't think I'd risk a big fall out with MIL over this. Is she likely to have more than a couple of glasses of wine with lunch?

Precisely this.

Book a hotel room for her if you feel that strongly, but prepare to face the consequences of being so strict.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 25/03/2023 19:41

Does your DH have a say in this? Your poor MIL. You cant tell a gown ass woman not to have a drink. Shes respecting you by not drinking at yours, surely she can have a glass or tow of wine or whatever she chooses with her meal. Is she going to get plastered and legless? Then I see your point, otherwise its a bit militant

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/03/2023 19:42

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 25/03/2023 18:46

You do nothing. She's not drinking in your house. You can't control what a grown woman does outside of your home. She can choose what she wants to do.

@Egh443 this op

Rogue1001MNer · 25/03/2023 19:44

I've commented on the other thread. Why are there 2?

BellaPiella · 25/03/2023 19:45

Waiting for OP to come back with more details. No alcohol in your home of course fine. OTT to ban people from having wine with their meal out unless your MIL has a history of getting very drunk.

usernamechanged1 · 25/03/2023 19:48

Surely if she’s having a drink with her food she won’t be drunk or causing any hassle. Do you honestly group people who’ve had 1 or 2 drinks with someone who’s totally pissed?

Obviously it’s your decision but I think this is an excellent way to cause a lot of drama.

WishingMyLifeAway · 25/03/2023 20:00

You can't dictate to people what they do outside your home.

SunshineGeorgie · 25/03/2023 22:19

2 batshit threads?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 25/03/2023 22:30

SunshineGeorgie · 25/03/2023 22:19

2 batshit threads?

And P is missing on both of them. She will start a third one, in a vain hope that some one will agree how pathetic her MIL is to want a drink with her dinner outside the OP's home.

Tourmalines · 25/03/2023 22:50

Two threads , and no response. Probably because she’s not getting the answers she wants to hear . Probably she just don’t like her MIL .

Member869894 · 25/03/2023 22:54

You are being absolutely ridiculous

saraclara · 25/03/2023 23:09

Wereongunoil · 25/03/2023 18:54

And the op is perfectly entitled to not let her in if she has been drinking. It's her home after all 🤷

Show quote history

It's also her husband's home, and his mother has travelled from abroad to see him/

This is absolutely ridiculous. MIL is going out for dinner and presumably having a glass of wine with it. That is NO reason to ban her from the home in this situation.

I don't know how OP found out that MIL intended having a drink with dinner, but had she not, she'd have had no idea that her visitor had had a glass of wine with a meal. You simply cannot tell.