GF: Love her or hate her? the Great Debate. Please leave all weapons at the door and NO stomping off, offended. OK?

[SoupDragon]

OK, to avoid the Great Debate cluttering up other threads where pro-GF mums are asking for help, I've started this one. It may have been done before...

If you read another thread and have nothing helpful but want to share your GF feelings, do it here!

I guess it could get heated here so please don't get offended and storm off in a huff as has happened elsewhere with other contentious issues - just avoid this thread

OK, for what it's worth, I have no problems with GF except for the fact that all babies are different so her rigid routine may not fit in with your baby. You should maybe see her routines as flexible - half an hour or an hour either way isn't going to make much difference is it? And I think that before 6 weeks is way too young to be messing with feeding routines, especially if you're breastfeeding. It can mess up your supply in theose important first weeks and I think this is why breastfeeding counsellors seem to hate her so much.

Right, I'm off to duck beneaththe parapet and let you get on with it!

Slug - I was like your dh, suffering from clinical depression and feeling suicidal. I had a respectable job as a research scientist in a medical school in London but I absoulutely hated it. Thankfully my contract finished and I moved up North - one of the best things I ever did and with the encouragement of my partner found other things to do. I did go back into science as I was desperate for money, moved abroad and realised it was a massive mistake. So I came back, pottered around and got pregnant. And unlike Emamebee my depression lifted once I had dd. I suppose I have found a purpose to life. I find I can live for the moment rather than worrying about what I should have done or what I should be doing and to me that is truely liberating. I would passionately hate to have to go back to work and be told what to do. I value my freedom.
And as this debate seems to have turned to money/class we are living on a nurses salary but then I live up North which is cheaper then down Sarf!!
Talking of class - could anyone define working class rather than middle class. I live in an area that was heavily working class until all the traditional industry (coal mines, ship yards, steel works) closed down. Now people have underpaid jobs or are on the dole is this working class?

Emmabee - absolutely no offence taken, I just enjoy debating this subject!

Bells2 - yes, a good point in that 'older' mums have often had many working years behind them and feel fulfilled career wise, I genuinely felt I had reached 'the top of the ladder' & am very proud of my achievements. Talking to younger friends, and from some of the comments on Mumsnet, I do appreciate that many women are still working their way up and I am full of admiration for those of you who are so ambitious!

I do agree that these sorts of comments can appear very patronising to people who have to work to fulfill basic needs - but it is just so interesting to read such a wide variety of views.

Nuns on a bike - I sincerely hope that my anti-playdough rant wasn't what sparked your boiling with anger response Custardo. But if it was I have to say I am a bit confused. I've made it clear that I respect everyone's decisions to either go to work or SAH - and I can fully understand why people choose (or have) to do either. But if stating all the things that I hate about being a SAHM got your goat, because you're not in the position to like or hate them because you're busy working, I'd just like to put something else in to the equation. Has anyone actually considered that some SAHM don't do so through choice? I used to have a career that I loved that many people would give their right arm to do. I lost the ability, through severe health problems, to do so about two years and seven months ago. I don't plan to go in to detail - but my son will be three at the end of March. Work it out yourselves. So yes, if at times I do sound off about how shitty being a sahm can be don't make the mistake of thinking I don't know how lucky I am. Sometimes becoming a mum can cause life changes that they just don't tell you about in the NCT - and if they did you'd go and have your tubes tied.

Willow2, I'm sorry your son's birth had such a severe effect on your health. It must be very traumatic to live with that, especially when your job was such a peach. I second what you're saying about the fact that SAH isn't always a matter of choice. I know one or two mothers who would have to pay to go out to work (childcare, tax, expenses, etc, WFTC notwithstanding) and find themselves stuck in a position they wouldn't have chosen. Sometimes (and tonight is one of those times) I hate working and I also hate the days when I'm at home. Sometimes I do both jobs badly. I think motherhood can best be described as walking through treacle with weights on your shoulders with double the housework, quadruple the worry (and love) and NO HELP from the other 'parent'. Sorry about the rant - our house has been taken over by threadworms, but guess who gets to boil all the linen? Guess whose work falls behind beause they can't go to the childminder? Sorry - I know it must be the least of your worries, willow2.

Oh no, from where I'm sitting boiling tape worm infested blankets seems really gross! PS: I didn't want to come on to have a "oh my life is so awful" rant. In many ways it is marvellous. It's just that I think it is very easy to think that SAHM have "chosen" to give up work and so can't complain if being a sahm is boring as hell at times. Some of us didn't get the choice, just like some of you who work do so because you have to, while others do so because they want to. So don't be pitying me, I don't want or need it and there are people on here who are having a much rougher time than I ever have.

willow - i think that you and rhubarb could be twins your so thoughtful in your response and made a damn good point too.
no one started me on a rant im just insane!

ps
as the definition of midde class is herbs and bath taps what would then be the definition of working class?!

DH does the lottery because he wants to give up work - I have always maintained that I would carry on working even if he won! I work ( part time) because I love my job ( the money I earn is so little in comparison to dh that it seems pointless from a finacial point of view - but that isn't why I'm doing it.
Pre-dd I was a complete workaholic and admittedly that has changed, I've taken a demotion and only work 3 days - but I really do love the job and would be so sad if I had to leave? Mind you I would be equally sad now if I was forced to work full time as I love my extra 2 days at home with dd.
I appreciate totally that I am in a priviliged and quite rare position, when I mentally skim thru' all my friends who gave up work to become totally SAHMs ( the vast majority of my friends)there aren't any who LOVED their jobs. Can I ask of the SAHMs on Mumsnet - how many adored their jobs and were gutted to leave? I'm sure there are some - but I'm equally sure that it's a lot easier to make the decision to become a SAHM ( for those of us who can just chose) if you are at best indifferent to your job when you have to make that choice.

It was no contest for me - I hated work and so i am delighted that I have the excuse to stay at home. What is better is that my entire family think I am doing the right thing so are totally supportive of me.

I work and I'm a stay at home mum so I don't think I can join in this discussion.

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that reminds me of something I said earlier on this thread, robinw.

I'm been a SAHM for the last 9 months and so am 'there' for my youngest son aged three. When my oldest son was three I had two jobs so my time was much more limited.

My youngest son was looked after by childminders during the day from age 6 months until the age of 2 and a bit. My oldest son was looked after mostly by me till age 14 months, spent a year with a childminder, then mostly looked after by dh as SAHD.

So each son has had a vastly different 'care experience' in the baby/toddler years. Yet when I think of my eldest son at age three, and then compare him to my youngest son at this age, their level of happiness and stage of development seem very similar.

Class - it's about how you hold your knife and fork, innit?

jasper - apparently it's got something to do with whether you drink out of the finger bowl or not.

robinw, my heart goes out to you. However, I have to say that what we do when they are little does make a difference. As I have said on this and other threads, my own experiences of life under 5 have remained very much in my memory. If it really doesn't matter, then perhaps it wouldn't have mattered if I had walked away and left my boys the other week (in safe hands), as the worn out, damaged part of my brain was urging me to do. Would they even have noticed? I think they would. I don't think my 3 year old will ever forget trying to talk me out of it.

Robin W my heart goes out to you. it is a very difficult time for you. Droile, I think thatyou did the right thing. Everyone needs time to themselves sometimes, and your children will also benefit. Sadly there are circumstances where everything is forgotten, I agree with Robinw. My mother has dementia, and most of the time doesn't know who I am. All of the hurt, and upset from our relationship has gone, forgotten and unimportant. In the end, she is my mother and I am her daughter.

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Ok I just HAVE to say that I think the GF methid is EXCELLENT! I followed it with my first baby who fell into the routine and was indeed a "conteneded little baby" - slept through from three months. Now I have another baby and although I have to adapt the routine to fit around my older son it is still working well and she is also a very happy baby - no problems with colic and nearly sleeping through etc. I think that it requires a lot of hard work and dedication to establish the routine but it is definitely worth it!