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Original poster

Just wanted to say sorry for wasting everyones time :(

80 replies

nutcracker · 21/09/2004 19:52

O.k confession time. I didn't go to college today and i've decided not to go at all.

Just wanted to apologise for wasting everyones time really as loads of people gave me great advice and encouragement but in the end i just couldn't do it.
Part of me wasn't sure i was doing the right thing, and i need to be sure as i don't want to start and end up dropping out again, already feel like a great big failiure as it is.

My mom had said that i needed to be sure and she was right (aren't they always).

I feel terrible for asking for advice and then not following it, but i did listen to everything that you all said and i did try honest.

I have a big problem with my confidence at the mo, which is something i need to sort out i know as it seems to be getting worse not better. Not sure how you sort out things like that but i'll have to try and find a way.

I wouldn't blame anyone who read a thread of mine in future and decided not to waste their time, after all i wasted yours.

I think i am depressed and probably have been for some time. I've said before that I think i expected all my probs to dissapear when we got the house, but i was wrong. I've found it harder than i thought to settle in and have the constant feeling that it's all suddenly going to fall apart, and that certain people on the estate have got it in for us. I keep thinking i'm going to come home to find we've been burgled, or the house has been trashed or something.

Anyway sorry for waffling, just felt i should apologise and explain.
Will go now before i start blubbing.

Nutty xxxx

OP posts:
jodee · 21/09/2004 21:30

Nutty, I've always thought you sounded like such a warm, genuine person from your posts, so likeable- honestly. The important thing is that you have done what's best for you. Hope your spirits are lifted soon and you can speak to a professional about how you are feeling. And never stop posting or feel you can't ask for advice here!

SueW · 21/09/2004 22:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

MUMINAMILLION · 21/09/2004 22:50

Nutty, there are loads of us who feel just like you do, so if you are nutty, then all of us are!! It really will be for the best if you can get to your Dr, and especially to confide in your mum. It sounds like you are really close to her, and if she knows how bad you feel, she is probably the best person to give you support.

I know you feel like you have no confidence and possibly feel a bit invisible right now - it is all part of the depression, and we've all gone through it. Lots are still going through it. So you are not alone, and any time you need to talk, you must. You seem to me like a really lovely person, wish I could meet you in RL. I really enjoy your posts, and want to keep on enjoying them - selfish really, but there you are.

agy · 21/09/2004 22:57

Nutty, I think you've made the right decision to not go to college at the moment. I think you're only 26 - you really have got lots of time to go later if that's what you want. You've got your hands full at the moment. Try and be good to yourself for a while and enjoy your little ones. Its obvious to anyone on here that you are a lovely mum, and that's something to be proud of.

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/09/2004 10:03

Thanks again guys, it really helps to have so many helpful people around me.

Had a bit of a chat to dp about it all last night, and he was quite shocked at how i was feeling as i think i had got pretty good at putting on a front with him too.

Am going to ring docs later.

Thanks again

Nutty xxx

OP posts:
ponygirl · 22/09/2004 10:43

Good for you Nutty. It sounds as though you've made the right decision for you, and I agree with others that you sound depressed. It's great that you've talked to your dp about it and do see the doctor too. You've got plenty of time to do other things, just make sure you're OK first. [Hug]. xxx

blossomhill · 22/09/2004 10:44

Good for you nutcracker. You will feel so much better once you have had a chat with the doctor.

Thomcat · 22/09/2004 10:47

ohhhhh Nutty, please don't feel you wasted anyones time babes. How can it be a waste of time when it was all about a bit of support from people who care.
Just be kind to yourself mate and do what you feel is best for you. Everyone understands and everyone just wants the best for you, we all love you.
Lots of love - TC

MUMINAMILLION · 22/09/2004 10:52

Sooo glad you've been able to talk about it. Let us know how you get on at the docs. The only way is up!!

harrassedmum · 22/09/2004 12:31

Glad you are going to docs. Dont worry about wasting our time, its only advice and its only you who can make the right decision for you. If elt very depressed after ds was born, and you do sound very similar to how i was feeling (and still do sometimes), its not nice! College has helped me though by giving me something else to think about and a goal other than lovely kids and doing the washing. Doesnt mean thats right for you though. Hope doc gives you some good help and you feel a bit brighter soon, take care

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/09/2004 13:45

Just to let you all know, I have rung the docs and have an appointment for Friday evening.

Will let you all know how i get on.

OP posts:
TraceyP · 22/09/2004 13:46

Well done Nutcracker. Be brave and tell the doctor exactly how you're feeling. Hope it goes OK.

NomDePlume · 22/09/2004 13:47

Good for you, nutty

Best of luck for Friday.

Original poster
nutcracker · 24/09/2004 12:35

Hello all, have been to the docs already. Dp thought he may be late home and i didn't want to have to take all 3 kids with me so i rang and asked if there were any cancellations, which luckily there were.

Anyway, I explained how i was feeling, that i hadn't settled into the house as well as i thought and that i generally felt quite low, and had zero confidence.
She was quite good, listened to me waffle and then said 'right so what shall we do with you then'.
In the end she said she was prepared to give me 6 weeks free without medication so long as i agreed to try and make certain changes to my life.
She said it would only work if i was totally honest with her and i agreed.

She asked me if i take Ds to any toddler groups, or swimming or anything like that which i don't, so my first task is to find something to take him to at least once a week.

I have to also keep a diary and right down 3 things i didn't like about my day and 3 things i did.

She said she would like me to go out without kids once a month. I said really that would depend on money, but she said, even if it is to go to Asda on my own that would be a good start.

Also as she remembered me mentioning driving lessons to her on a previous occasion she wants me to have got a new birth certificate and sent off for my provisional by the time the 6 weeks is up.

I have got to see her again next week, and she said by then i should of been able to at least sort out something for Ds and me to do.

She said she my state did warrant medication really but she knew i wasn't keen about that so she said she was perpared to take a different route so long as i learnt to help myself.

I was quite amazed as i thought i'd just come out with a perscripation and that would be that.

She also said she wasn't surprised that i hadn't settled in the new house as the whole battle was such a big part of my life before that it's not surprising it's taking some readjusting.

Feeling quite posotive now, as i think she is willing to help me.
Oh i didn't mention anything about my failiure to be able to come to terms with no more kids as i thought she would think i was mad to even consider it a such a time.

Oh and she also agreed that me going back to college at the mo would have been a recipie for disaster.

Feeling so relieved now.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 24/09/2004 12:37

Sorry i waffled on a bit there didn't I.

OP posts:
tamum · 24/09/2004 12:37

Wow, that sounds like such good advice and a real step forward for you. I really hope it helps
xx

blossomhill · 24/09/2004 12:39

So pleased for you nc. It was for the best and hopefully you won't need ad's. Your gp sounds lovely, really kind and understanding

Twinkie · 24/09/2004 12:40

Nutty that is great and what a lovely understanding woman to have as a doctor.

I agree with everything she has said and most of all think it is really hard to adjust to having something good in life after having such a shit one or after fighting for something for so long - its weird with me it was DD with you your house - you get what you want and then there is this huge amount of time and worry that is missing as you don't have that one thing to focus on anymore!! - think you have to just re adjust and start spending that time on you and your kids.

Could you also ask to be referred to a psychotherapist - I went to one for a while last year and found just sitting down and spilling my guts about things and having a little cry and being helped along slightly made such a difference to me - the lady I saw never fixed anything she was just an outlet and someone to help me think about things differently or in a way which I could cope with them.

Original poster
nutcracker · 24/09/2004 12:40

TBH i was really shocked how good she was. Usually she is quite abrupt and not really interested.

OP posts:
unicorn · 24/09/2004 12:41

Sounds like you've got a great Doctor there..
best of luck with everything. xx

Original poster
nutcracker · 24/09/2004 12:43

She did say i could be refferd back to my psyciatrist that i saw last year if i liked but i said i'd wait and see how i felt in a couple of weeks as he was pretty crap anyway.

She said the best advice she could ever give anyone in my posistion was to moan to anyone and everyoine that would listenm and that a good moan was a good thing.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 24/09/2004 12:44

what a positive doctor you have, she's given you lots to be focused on.

Aero · 24/09/2004 12:44

Nutty - have only just seen this now - though thought there must be something up, going by Twiglett's thread last night. Don't beat yourself up honey! You're mn's wee treasure. The doc's advice sounds good and I'm glad you're feeling more positive having seen her! Keep us posted won't you!

Original poster
nutcracker · 24/09/2004 12:48

I certainly will Aero

Am going to go to the local baths on monday now and see about what activities I can take Ds to.

I don't expect to feel better all at once, but i think she is right that i need to get out more and find good things to focus on.

Am meeting a friend and her Ds for coffee next week to, so something else to look forward to.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/09/2004 12:51

She sounds like a fab doctor