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Original poster

Just wanted to say sorry for wasting everyones time :(

80 replies

nutcracker · 21/09/2004 19:52

O.k confession time. I didn't go to college today and i've decided not to go at all.

Just wanted to apologise for wasting everyones time really as loads of people gave me great advice and encouragement but in the end i just couldn't do it.
Part of me wasn't sure i was doing the right thing, and i need to be sure as i don't want to start and end up dropping out again, already feel like a great big failiure as it is.

My mom had said that i needed to be sure and she was right (aren't they always).

I feel terrible for asking for advice and then not following it, but i did listen to everything that you all said and i did try honest.

I have a big problem with my confidence at the mo, which is something i need to sort out i know as it seems to be getting worse not better. Not sure how you sort out things like that but i'll have to try and find a way.

I wouldn't blame anyone who read a thread of mine in future and decided not to waste their time, after all i wasted yours.

I think i am depressed and probably have been for some time. I've said before that I think i expected all my probs to dissapear when we got the house, but i was wrong. I've found it harder than i thought to settle in and have the constant feeling that it's all suddenly going to fall apart, and that certain people on the estate have got it in for us. I keep thinking i'm going to come home to find we've been burgled, or the house has been trashed or something.

Anyway sorry for waffling, just felt i should apologise and explain.
Will go now before i start blubbing.

Nutty xxxx

OP posts:
kkgirl · 21/09/2004 20:35

Nutcracker

I know exactly how you feel. Am not depressed but sometimes do suffer panic attacks, driving to work I can get in a state, not about going, but about driving.
This sounds mad but I tell myself (not out loud but in my head) that I'll be okay. I repeat it over and over and also take very deep breaths and breathe out slowly.
I have found that this works for me, I guess it takes your mind off the panicking.
I have problems with confidence sometimes as well, but you're as good as anyone else, and you have to learn to feel good about yourself, every little step you take. And you have taken a step and decided college isn't for you at the moment.

Take care and by the way you are not nuts

CP3 · 21/09/2004 20:37

Poor you Nutty, you should have said before so could have helped, or tried too. You know where i am if you need to chat. Take care honey.

As ive said before college will always be there, your still young enough to gain everything you want from life. Have a bit of you time for a while, spoil yourself!!!

Chinchilla · 21/09/2004 20:37

Nutty - don't go to bed making promises to yourself, because you will then beat yourself up if you don't manage to meet them. I used to do that every night too, about my overeating. It is too much pressure on yourself. Do what you can, and give yourself praise for what you do achieve. You made a decision not to go to college, but that is not a failure. It was the right decision for now. That's not to say it won't change later.

blossomhill · 21/09/2004 20:39

Nutcracker I completely understand what you are going through. I remember being like that when we bought this house and I moved from a flat and I thought all of problems will disappear overnight, unfortunately they don't. If you feel like that you would feel like it in a mansion. See your gp. I went about 3 months ago after putting up with feeling down and anxious for too long. I feel so much better since taking the tablets, they have really calmed me down and I cope (normally, please do not look at thread I posted yesterday ) so much better then I did. You have to put you and your family first. Before even thinking about college (something that is obviously too overwhelming at the moment) try and speak to someone to get some help, you owe it to yourself, honestly!
Take care Blossomhillxxx

unicorn · 21/09/2004 20:41

nutty,
everyone's with you here... you have made the right decision- for you at this particular point in time.
You will get there... loads of us have/or are going through emotional cr*p.. all the time... but try and think of this as just something that will pass (it will).
Please get some RL help... as well as virtual... (counselling has been good for me..if you get the right person/ and you are ready for it.. I believe it turn things around a bit)
ps.. I really appreciate your honesty.

Cadbury · 21/09/2004 20:42

Chin up nutty. Don't beat yourself up for being (I reckon) depressed. It does take your confidence away from you and makes you panicky and anxious about all kinds of things. Do try the dr. You never know, she might surprise you!

We all think you are fabb nutty.

You've got a ready made nutcracker fan club for when your confidence has grown enough to start believing us.

Hang in there

sobernow · 21/09/2004 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clairabelle · 21/09/2004 20:48

Hugs to you nutty sorry you're feeling so low.

TraceyP · 21/09/2004 20:52

Nutty, pet, you must go to the doctors, even if she is a drip! Is there not another doctor you can see? I know that it's hard, I struggled along with depression for over three years before plucking up the nerve to see my doctor, I thought he would be unsympathetic (he usually is) but he was great. I'm not better yet but things are improving, and they will for you too. I really feel for you at the moment, but please believe that things can and will get better.

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/09/2004 20:52

I really can't see what there is to like about me, if i'm honest.

OP posts:
jellyhead · 21/09/2004 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

serenequeen · 21/09/2004 20:53

scarlett o'hara, nutty, scarlett o'hara... tomorrow is another day. ok it's not right for you now, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to do it in future. hang in there.

libb · 21/09/2004 20:53

Nutty, so sorry you are feeling low. You have crammed so much into a short time, far better the course gives way before you do.

Take care, you are much loved here and always will be xxxx

TraceyP · 21/09/2004 20:53

Nutty, there's lots to like about you - go back and read what some of these people have said. No-one here pulls any punches, and if there wasn't lots to like about you, you would know about it.

unicorn · 21/09/2004 20:54

..what's not to like nutty?
...honesty, humour, intelligence, care, for a start...
you need a good sorting out my girl.... plse take care of yourself.. you are feeling very low... and you need people around who will help you.
Go get some help...asap.
You deserve the best.

Chinchilla · 21/09/2004 20:54

Classic depression comment Nutty. I'm giving you a virtual shake. God, I have been where you are, and still get paranoid about being unlikeable. There is nothing anyone on here or in RL can say to make you feel differently. Get some RL help, and keep posting. I promise you that things will feel better in a month if you get help.

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/09/2004 20:56

Am really gobsmacked actually about what people have said, as always think i'm not disliked, but that people are quite indifferent iykwim.

OP posts:
cab · 21/09/2004 20:56

Nutty don't be so hard on yourself. I like you.

cab · 21/09/2004 20:57

p.s. There are some time wasters on here - but you're definitely not one of them.

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/09/2004 20:58

Thanks, all of you, you are lovely

OP posts:
tiredemma · 21/09/2004 21:07

nutty, stop beating yourself up about it, there are lots of other things you can do, and you have plenty of time to decide what it is you want to do.
tbh college would of done your head in today, it was a complete shambles, overcrowded classrooms, tutor not turning up etc. i wish id of realised who you were last week and had a chat etc.
i think your a really strong person, you have put up with so much shit re the house etc, its not the end of the world if you hav'nt found the ideal career yet, theres plenty of time, ds will be starting school before you know it and then you can focus 100% on what you want to do. if ever you want to meet up for a coffee or anything then just let me know. take care x

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/09/2004 21:13

Cheers emma

Hope you get on alright with the course. Just remember one thing, nothing is ever as urgent as they make out there, and if you ever need extra time to complete the work, ask as they always will then say 'oh yeah it's fine don't worry'.

Think they just like to make you think the deadlines are set in stone.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 21/09/2004 21:14

sorry you're feeling so down nutcracker. Please don't beat yourself up and please do keep posting if it helps.

Angeliz · 21/09/2004 21:17

nutty, don't think i've ever really given you advice but i "see you around" alot and remember the picture of your little girl asleep on the floor! bless!

However, i don't think you're wasting people's time and hope you're feeling a bit better soon++

tiredemma · 21/09/2004 21:22

i dont think any body had a clue what was going on tbh, i was supposed to go to IT at 4.30 but got pissed off with all the chaos and came home! so you probably did the right thing by not coming!

you just make sure you find something that will make you happy. your kids will still love you whatever you do.