SAHMs...would you encourage your daughters to SAHM or WOHM ?

[mozhe]

I ask out of genuine interest....people have often said to me that I became a committed WOHM because I had such a strong model in my own mother....and I would certainly be very disappointed if one of my own daughters chose to be a SAHM.
SAHMs what do you think ? And why ?

he will still have to go to hospital and support her and look after the kids etc etc if she was a WOHM, I don't understand the issue, I really don't.

But I'm not and never have told people what they should do. I'm just saying that many many people don't think about the long-term consequences of being a SAHM and there needs to be more awareness and advice to young women (and indeed men). TBH this thread has just confirmed my views. Not that a woman should either be a WOHM or a SAHM (I never suggested that one or the other was right) but that there are many women who have not fully considered all of the practical, financial and psychological consequences of these decisions. The fact that so many of you just say that you want your daughters to be 'happy' (without showing any awareness that the mixing with others, feeling valued, financial security etc that may or may not come with being a WOHM or a SOHM is a big part of what makes most people happy), the fact that so many of you scoff at my real life examples of people who are suffering or have suffered because they have not made adequate provision for illness, pensions or whatever, the fact that some of you think that the fact that women who stay at home with kids almost inevitably will suffer long-term loss of earnigns and find it more difficult to progress in their careers is a spurious and artifiical argument just confirms this and is frankly incredibly depressing.

Wait a sec, this thread is a bit sexist.

What if either of my dts want to be a SAHD or WOHD! Or does that not count!

Again, it would be the same answer if I had a dd.

Yes exactly, we changed society so women were allowed to work like men

Well guess what, some of us still want to change it so that no-one, men or women, have to work the way men do/ did. So that all human beings, male and female, have a proper, decent work life balance and can function properly both as workers and as parents.

And reactionary bollocks such as claiming that the unpaid work women do is rubbish and not worth doing, doesn't improve anyone's lot - men, women or children.

And saying it over and over and over again in all sorts of different contexts, still won't make it true.

I would say to boys or girls that some people find it quite dull at home and they should try borrowing a baby for a few days to get a proper view of what it's like before irrevocably giving up work. I would also say dependenc eon your partnes is all well and good but 50% of marriages break up as mined did and which I never expected and it's risky and arguably unfair to your children to put all your financial eggs in one basket. IN a sense if you stay home you are sacrificing your children's economic future ends on the altar of your desire to be home and arguably relatively idle and unfairly burdening your partner at the same time.

Oh dear Princess, you are making a difficult situation so much more painful. As my colleague's wife is a SAHM she has no sick pay and has no childminder or nursery (they couldn't afford this on 1 income). You will appreciate that it's quite difficult to visit your ill wife in hospital with 2 under 4s in tow? SUrely you can understand that? As my colleague's wife is a SAHM they felt they could not afford critical illness or life assurance. Does this make sense now?

GSS, here blinking here.

Oh I find it really patronising to imagine that those of us who say we just want our girls to be happy, don't take into account the socio-economic/ psychological etc. impact of their choices.

We do. And doubtless will discuss it with them. But we won't be disappointed in them, or feel they've let us down, or not measured up to their expectations, if they choose to be a SAHM, a WOHM, or a half and half (or any degree in between)

By Xenia on Mon 21-May-07 20:38:17
...GSS we changed society so that girls were allowed legally to work equally like men and now they kick those wome in the teeth who secured that for them and say - yaboo sucks to that we wanted to be nice little housewives all along.

NO, Xenia - we changed society so that we had these choices - no to force all women to work when they genuinely believe it is better for their children to stay at home with them.

bawc, that is deeply unfortunate, but you still haven't made the case that it's a neccessary follow-on from being a SAHM. We are fully insured for all eventualities, and we have deliberately forgone other things to make sure that's the case.

bawc, that is deeply unfortunate, but you still haven't made the case that it's a neccessary follow-on from being a SAHM. We are fully insured for all eventualities, and we have deliberately forgone other things to make sure that's the case.

hello countess! have been wondering where you are! welcome back.

sorry about that, computer burp.

Many people can't afford critical illness, it is bloody expensive, whether they work or not.
Life insurance comes with many jobs, but that will only kick in when she is dead, and part of a family's financial planning SHOULD include life insurance for a non-working spouse, because as you say a dead SAHM will need to be replaced by childminding/cleaning etc services. Childminders can be arranged and they should do that. Basically you are saying that the family had no financial cushion whatsoever - but that was their choice (albeit unwise). I still think that the children, looking back, will be glad they had time with their mother and not wish they'd been left with a childminder earlier IYSWIM

When asked by her teachers at school today what she wanted to be when she grew up she answered a housewife just like her mommy. I couldn't have been prouder

'Oh I find it really patronising to imagine that those of us who say we just want our girls to be happy, don't take into account the socio-economic/ psychological etc. impact of their choices.'

Right, so we're just supposed to guess this are we? Because that's the first time anyone except for me and Xenia and maybe one or two others have actually mentioned that there might be an economic or psychologocial impact of becoming a SAHM and that this might be (though it might not be) to the detriment of the SAHM and her family.

'We do. And doubtless will discuss it with them.

Well, hooray, because really that's all I was hoping.

'But we won't be disappointed in them, or feel they've let us down, or not measured up to their expectations, if they choose to be a SAHM, a WOHM, or a half and half (or any degree in between)'

That's great,me neither as long as my dds have made an informed choice and are happy wiht it and so is their family.

that's what I meant Sue

they don't sound like they would have splashed out on critical illness even if she was working, paying childcare, buying life insurance etc. difficult to financially plan for worst case scenarios, but that is what people should do (and most do, evidntly not your colleague sadly)

Message withdrawn

oh now that would have completely depressed me paula. does she really have no greater ambition?

I'm all for people making choices to do different things at different stages of their lives and careers but to have no ambition BUT to "be a housewife" would have resulted in a bloody stiff rebuke from me had I been her mother

Gss, respect to you. You have eloquently stated the case that I would have made and with class, may I add.
Couldn't agree with you more, what's more I find it vaguely bemusing that someone who has clearly never had any experience of being a sahm (yes blackcat, you) should feel that just because someone is a sahm they lack the common sense to realise the consequences. As someone who has at one time been a full time corporate (12 hours a day, plus commute) working single mother, I think I know only too clearly the sacrifices I've made. Needless to say, I don't feel like I've made the wrong choice at all.

agree danae

I've had 2 years out, being a SAHM, but am planning to get back to work at some point - hopefully in a fucking shitkicking serious job that I should hear about soon - which even xenia couldn't knock even though I'll probably start only on a day a week for the first year

'bawc, that is deeply unfortunate, but you still haven't made the case that it's a neccessary follow-on from being a SAHM. We are fully insured for all eventualities, and we have deliberately forgone other things to make sure that's the case.'

'Childminders can be arranged and they should do that.'

Let them eat cake then!! How desperately offensive. So glad that you are fully insured and can arrange a childminder at a moment's notice. What you may find is that when you are on a teacher's wage (just one wage) and paying a mortgage as well as supporting a family of 4 that these things are not that easy.

I think its a wonderful ambition. I would never rebuke her for wanti8ng to pursue something so rewarding

if you choose to misunderstand me then go ahead.

at least he will have holidays off which must be a huge help in that situation, thank goodness.

So all along feminism was about giving women the vote empowering them and educating them so they could be (as exploited by capitalism as men) - of course it was and we are all happy bunny(boilers) now aren't we? This has always been my problem with a feminist perspective (and I still think I am one btw) it is unable to deal with the exploitation by women of other wo/men those doing the jobs that working women are not doing - poorly paid carers and 'bottom wipers' elderly people neglected by their families and looked after by disinterested council or care home employees. We expect the government to throw money at the situation but is that the best option. Or should bum wiping and staying at home to care for your family young and old be better respected in this country than it currently is? Please don't get all up in arms about this I know there is a lot of good quality care out there but there is also v poor care esp for the elderly.

I don't have the answers - but my sahm workload is lifted by help from my extended family and many of the pitfalls outlined by postings here could be avoided and ameliorated by supportive families - we should value that resource and support them as a society(and I mean all the different kinds of families friends, lovers, gay straight, adoptive, surrogate, etc. etc.)