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Original poster

SAHMs...would you encourage your daughters to SAHM or WOHM ?

373 replies

mozhe · 20/05/2007 18:33

I ask out of genuine interest....people have often said to me that I became a committed WOHM because I had such a strong model in my own mother....and I would certainly be very disappointed if one of my own daughters chose to be a SAHM.
SAHMs what do you think ? And why ?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 20/05/2007 18:57

Oh come in, you lot, I agree with mozhe - are we all really so 'it's up to her'? Most of us have a lot of things we tacitly expect of our children, whether we admit or not. I hope my daughters don't hook up with hopeless blokes who make them feel hopeless (like I've done in the past) or too fat to fancy (ditto) or really not up to having an interesting career (ditto). I have no expectations of what I'd like from their sexuality but yes, I would like them for instance not to become say Margaret Thatcher clones even if that makes them happy

serenity · 20/05/2007 18:58

I'd encourage them to do whatever makes them and their family happy, whether that's sahm, wohm, wahm, transvestite lesbian dildo juggling circus freaks.

coppertop · 20/05/2007 18:59

I would be more disappointed if my dd felt she had to choose something she didn't want to do simply because she thought that otherwise I might disapprove of her.

sniff · 20/05/2007 18:59

I wouldnt care if she wanted to go to work I would support her look after kids and help, If she wanted to stay at home thats great to

her life. her kids, her descision

my mum on the other hand does not at all believe in moms working untill there kids are at school but she is from that generation

Rantmum · 20/05/2007 19:00

I would like my children to feel that they would strive to fulfill any potential that they have or to explore any talents that they have, of course.

And when it comes time for them to have children I hope that I will have helped to provide them with the skills and tools that they need to analyse their own priorities and make decisions that make them happy and suit their personalities. And if that choiceis to be at home, or go out and work, I want them to be happy and contented.

Anyway, for many SAHM's being at home is a temporary state - something that is chosen while children are very young, with paid work being incorporated back into life when it suits both the parent and the child. Even most "working mothers" have been a SAHM for a short-time during maternity leave, but would not class themselves as such.

Tortington · 20/05/2007 19:02

if she saw motherhood as a vocation i would wholly support her.

i would however have fears of her feeling trapped - but that is ME not her and i would have to remember this.

franca70 · 20/05/2007 19:06

I'm with motherinferior.
Actually I have this petit bourgeois dream of her becoming a doctor...

Nbg · 20/05/2007 19:11

I would want my dd to do whatever made her happy.
The same goes for my ds. If he has the choice of being a SAHD then great.

My mum often comments on how envious she is that I have been lucky enough to have had so much time off with my children.

All that matters is your children are happy.
How would you feel if they were stuck in a job they hated, with children and all they wanted to do was be at home with them?

raspberryberet · 20/05/2007 19:14

How nice ... a thread which calls out specifically to SAHMs under the pretence of asking for opinions, but which is actually intended to slag them off.

Do you intend to tell your daughters that you would be disappointed in them for making a different choice to yours? Because the pressure that would put on them, and the implication that they are of less value to you if they make what you consider to be the wrong choice (regardless of their own feelings) has the potential to make them far more unhappy than being a SAHM.

hatrick · 20/05/2007 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

missgriss · 20/05/2007 19:14

I'm one of those dreaded part time workers, but I would encourage my DD to do whatever she felt happy with, as long as she was doing it for the right reasons.

Ditto for my DS

kama · 20/05/2007 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RedLorryYellowLorry · 20/05/2007 19:15

Well NBG has said exactly what I wanted to say. So, that saved me having to think and type at the same time.

thunderhoovesthewonderhorse · 20/05/2007 19:16

I will be encouraging my dds to become self employed and work from home, so they can take more control of their careers and hopefully have a better work/life balance.

HonoriaGlossop · 20/05/2007 19:17

I just don't recognise this MN SAHM / WOHM divide. It doesn't translate to RL for me.

Most of the mums I know in RL were SAHM's for the very early years of the child's life; a tiny minority worked full time from the end of their maternity leave; some worked part time.

I don't know one woman who has taken the decision to stay at home forever and never be employed again. It seems to me that now, there aren't so many people with big families where the mother spends what would be her years of employment in the home. Sure, I know it happens; but the vast majority of people out there are SAHM for a short period of time (in the context of their whole working life).

DimpledThighs · 20/05/2007 19:18

my mum was a WOHM and a proud feminist. I have been a SAHM and am about to become a WOHM, my sister is a WOHM - my mother has always been proud whatever even though she fought hard in a man's world to be able to work.

Like others have said - having the choice is the most important thing.

DimpledThighs · 20/05/2007 19:19

good post HG

Issymum · 20/05/2007 19:19

Well DD1 is clearly going to be a designer of very chichi handbags and DD2 the mainspring in a flowering of Asian lesbian politico-punk rock, but I guess if I'd thought about it I'd rather imagined both of them combining careers and motherhood in a much more subtle and successful way than me.

I'm also encouraging both of them to marry somebody very, very rich (male or female) so their choices will be more varied.

OtterInnit · 20/05/2007 19:19

choice is what its all about

probably not encourage either way but pleased with my choices

MamaMaiasaura · 20/05/2007 19:20

ditto NBG's post.

Mozhe - why dont you start title this thread.. 'the other thread i was on has stopped reacting to the SAHM/WOHM etc so I thought I Would start a whole new thread to try and draw people into yet another pointless argument cos I dont agree with their views and never will and dont really care what they think but want to keep rolling out the same old argument just for the pure hell of it' yawn

motherinferior · 20/05/2007 19:21
rantinghousewife · 20/05/2007 19:21

I would rather my dd did whatever made her happiest. Of course, should she sell her soul to one of those corporations where it would be demanded she sacrifice her individuality to be 'on message', then I would be disappointed.

rantinghousewife · 20/05/2007 19:24

Oh, and I should add my own mother was a full time, working, earning corporate mum. Just to give you some perspective. I expect she is most disappointed. Bless her!

jezebeltheharlot · 20/05/2007 19:27

Is that you Xenia?!

Nbg · 20/05/2007 19:28

it is rather yawnish.

Some people are lucky enough not to have to work and be with their children everyday. Some people have no choice but to work, be it full time or part time. They do what is best for their family. Some people work just because thats what they want to do.

What does it matter?