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Original poster

Nikcolas Thread

401 replies

fairyfly · 19/07/2004 03:01

A thread for you to do what you do

OP posts:
nikcola · 10/08/2004 16:26

hi,
i will try and keep dd busy me and my friend are going to paint the bathroom when hes gone so that will give me something to do,
and my friend is gonna stay for a few days i dont want to tkae ddo to far i would love to go to london but not in this heat !!!

as for me and dp when he gets back i dont no what will happen he keps begging me not to leave him and he makes me feel very sad

Blu · 10/08/2004 16:39

The poor woman he is marrying!
Nikcola, I can understand that you feel sorry for him - but while ever he knows that you feel sorry for him, he doesn't have to stand up to his family, and make a family with you. He is getting married because he fears being cut off from his family. So, will he refuse to get married because he fears being cut off from you and his DD? Tell him that's the bottom line - he can still refuse to get on the plane.
But he probably will go, now, and you are doing a brilliant job of arranging things to do. The bathroom will look great...and don't be swayed by his jealousy. How would it help him if you don't go to college? It won't - but it will make all the difference in the world to your life. Good luck, sweetie. These last few days must be terrible to get through. keep posting....

lou33 · 10/08/2004 16:46

If I can be frank Nickola, he won't choose you over his family, or anyone imo, because he knows that whatever ultimatum you give him, whatever you say,however many times you say it, you will forgive him, because you would rather put up with his terrible behaviour than be alone. Don't listen to his whining and pleading, he is putting you and your daughter way down his list of priorities, and in all honesty I can't see him ever changing that. You can do so much better for you and your dd. There is someone out there who will love you and treat you in the way you deserve, but it isn't him.

ebbie22 · 10/08/2004 16:53

hi nikcola where abouts in luton do u live?

motherinferior · 10/08/2004 16:57

Yes, Lou is right.

I know it's awful at the moment. But turn it round - honestly - and life has so many possibilities for you too.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fio2 · 10/08/2004 16:59

I agree with Lou too. You are going to make your little girls life very complicated if you dont put a stop to all this with him now. he sounds an arse. sorry if that is blunt

MummyToSteven · 10/08/2004 19:20

hi nikcola, good luck with the bathroom, what colour are you going to do that? I don't think your dp has any right to expect you not to leave him - he is leaving you by marrying someone else. You deserve a far better man than dp and you will find him one day.

Papillon · 10/08/2004 19:24

hi nikcola I fly in and out of Luton next week Friday. Perhaps we could meet up?

nikcola · 10/08/2004 20:15

i live in dunstable about 10 mins in the car away from luton xxxxxx

nikcola · 10/08/2004 20:18

i no what your all saying really i do but its just so hard to tell him its over im not even sure if thats what i want, he needs me he allways has done,
maybee 2 weeks with him not here will make me see if i can really cope on my own

mts im doing it lilac a funny colour for a bathroom dont you think but ive always been diffrent and ive got a lovely lilac bath met thingy that will go really nice in there (how sad am i )

lou33 · 10/08/2004 20:29

I think you are fooling yourself tbh Nickola, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. He doesn't need you, he is using you. If he needed you he would show you much more respect than he does , and he certainly wouldn't be going to marry anyone else, regardless of what his parents said, if he loved you. And he wouldn't expect you to play second fiddle if he had one scrap of respect for you.

MummyToSteven · 10/08/2004 20:33

but nikcola - does he need you for sex more than for a relationship? and is that how you want to be treated? I am sorry to sound so harsh, but he has treated you so awfully, especially with what you have been through recently, so please don't feel sorry for him.

MummyToSteven · 10/08/2004 20:34

nikcola - weirdest bathroom i ever saw was dark swedish sauna style - all dark brown panneling - beautiful house, newly done up - but all such horrible colours. Lavender sounds quite normal by comparison!

nikcola · 10/08/2004 20:41

we arent haveing sex atm havent for ages so i dont no why he says he needs me, the woman he is marrying nos all about me and dd and just wants a free meal ticket, if he didnt want me wouldnt he just leave me ??

MummyToSteven · 10/08/2004 21:03

nikcola = really sorry if i offended you with the comment about sex. i didn't mean to offend or hurt you, just worry about dp using you. your question; either he misses you, or he doesn't want to see you with somebody else as a control thing - bit like someone might dump a guy, then get jealous when they met someone else. I think that I would define him marrying somebody else as leaving you, as you don't want or need a part-time boyfriend - u want a committed partner and father.

motherinferior · 10/08/2004 21:53

Whatever he needs you for, your needs matter too. You matter too. You're lovely, you've got a lovely daughter, you've got a college place, you're planning a future for yourself. And you've done all that YOURSELF - don't do yourself down, you manage amazingly day to day. You've come through a really shite time recently, and you sorted all that out for YOURSELF.

You can cope on your own - let's face it, honey, you're going to have to. And you'll do it. Keep going, and put yourself first. It's about time.

lou33 · 10/08/2004 22:05

He also doesn't want you to have any confidence or independence because you will realise he is a complete shit, and he would lose control of you.

nikcola · 10/08/2004 22:14

mts you didnt offend me i no what you mean about him losing control over me though ive booked my driving test for november and whenever i talk about it he agnors me and makes comments like are you gonna christen your car with a shag in the back with your new boyf from collage,

and then today he rang me up and told me a bout a car at his work that he wanted to buy for me i dont understand him sometimes my best frilend has got dd for the night on friday so me and dp can have a long chat and im gonna make him listen to me allthough i dont no hat im going to talk about yet

motherinferior · 11/08/2004 10:41

Nikki, I've been thinking about that car - if he really does mean it, and wants to buy it for you (where's he getting the money from? Why didn't he offer it earlier????) I think this is another control thing. He certainly owes you one, but I suspect you shouldn't accept it (if it ever materialises).

nikcola · 12/08/2004 09:45

i no what you mean about the car but he couldnt get it anyway it went to auction,

so its 3 days till he gos now and i a bit pi**ed off really

motherinferior · 12/08/2004 10:07

Ooooh, not bloody surprised, honey. And you have every RIGHT to be angry. Hang onto that. I mean it - your needs, your future, and of course DD's, have to be the most important things to you. Whatever he does.

MummyToSteven · 12/08/2004 10:07

nikcola - does he give you any money for dd/will he be leaving you any money for dd?

MummyToSteven · 12/08/2004 10:14

course you are pissed off! try and think of things for you to do with dd to keep yourself as busy as possible, and see if you can have a bit of a pampering time - maybe get some aromatherapy oil, see if you can get your friend to give you a massage, something like that

nikcola · 12/08/2004 10:15

no he doesnt give me money for dd he lives with his mom and im on income support so im sort of ok for money

MummyToSteven · 12/08/2004 10:22

on the one hand - he really should give you cash for DD, and if he lives with his mum he should definitely have some spare cash, but I suppose at least if he doesn't give you cash he can't control you that way. once you get on the nursing course you'll get a bursary which i would imagine would be better than income support anyway.