Nikcolas Thread

[fairyfly]

A thread for you to do what you do

Hi Nik! Oh, we're a hard-bitten bunch, aren't we! get him to buy the Eurodisney tickets NOW and leave them in your flat, with you, so if his family kidnap him, you can take dd, and your step-sister or a friend, if you so wish! It would be a great break, wouldn't it?

im going to get him to book it this week so we will go on our own if we have too

good thinking, Nickola. And keep hold of the tickets! Has your DD got a passport? You don't want MI's experience of having to make a dawn visit to the passport office!!!!!!!!!

ive got to sens off for iot ill do it today i forgot about her passport

Do the post office 'fast track' service - it's a busy time of year. It costs about £4 I think - or ask MI's advice

yeah, its well worth doing the fast-track - it gets prioritised at the passport office, the post office guy checks your forms for you, and you don't need to send off birth certificates/ID. I've also had to do a dawn visit to the passport office last year - twigged very late in the day that I had booked the holiday in my married name, and never bothered to change my passport to my married name

Babe, if you're going in two weeks' time get the forms off NOW. When exactly are you off? The post office has a two-week service which SHOULD be OK. Otherwise you might have to dash to a passport office. Get a couple of forms from the PO - those forms are total sods - and don't forget you need pics of DD, someone to witness those pics, and someone to testify to YOU. If any of this causes you any problem, email me. And/or I'll talk you through the whole form. Veteran passport form filler, me. And on the final go I even got it right.

The guaranteed one week service costs about £70 I think but you may have to go to the actual passport office.

www.ukpa.gov.uk/_4_offices/4_london.asp

link to location of your nearest passport office, nikcola - i assume central london is nearer for you than peterborough

thanks people,

wee are hopeing to book the hoilday for the beging of september , ive got a few questions mi

doest the person that signing the passport (our gp) does he sign it saying he has know me for the past 4 years or dd ??

and does he have to write on the bacvk of the phots "i certify that this a true like ness and so on thanks mi how was your holiday ???

Nickola, r.e. the passport - whoever signs it for your dd has to say that they have known you for the required length of time(think it is 2 years), as brand new babies have to have their own passports! Also, GPs often charge a fee for signing so might be worth checking with your surgery reception before you go and see him/her. Other people who can do this are teachers, solicitors, basically any professional person - if you have someone like this it could save you some cash.

Yes, they do seem to be quick - the one week guaranteed service came back three days later!

Yes, they sign for YOU. (This was the big mistake I made ). No tippex allowed, either (the other big mistake ).

Our hol was lovely, though!

hello nikcola - any further on with passports/holidays/arranging to go to Brighton?

hi yeh passport has been sent of for and as for brighton i should be going the end of september now cause sis is moving house
i hvent been on mn for a few days i havent had the energy one week im all happy and the next i dont want to go out the house ,
dp is gong on sunday and im really scared of him going i dont want to be on my own for 2 weeks (or maybee longer if his family have thier way) i dont think i can cope on my own what will i do for 2 weeks ill go mad on my own im totaly broke so i cant take dd anwhere,

i havent told anyone in rl that he is getting married i cant be bothered with all the stress but its really hit me now that after 5 years toghether its not me hes going to marry all i ever wanted was for us to get married and hve kids but his family have ruined it for me

mts sorry i havent emailed you back im having problems with my email account i promise ill do it as soon as its sorted nikki xxxxxxxx

HOney - please realise it is not his family who have ruined it as much as it is a cultural thing he could always have said no and stayed with you - some people love people and have enough conviction to do that - turn their backs on their culture and their families etc and he doesn't - ha has chosen this not his family - they may have set it all up but he is a grown up and could have said no.

Please believe me that no matter how bad things get you can cope - look at your darling little one and believe that - after the last 2 years fighting for DD and now still fighting with x2b I really believe that we have the capacity to deal with things that we first feel are far beyond our capabilities.

Ans please do not hang around waiting for him to come back - get on with your life - this may be the push you need - you are never going to be 2.4 kids and husbadn and wife with him - you can't let go of a future and a dream for this man who IMHO seems like a bit of a wimp (no actually a complete bloody coward!!). There is someone out there for you just waiting but everytime you go back and let yourself get hurt again you are missing opportunities to rebuild your life and your self confidence and meet a good and decent man.

Please Honey - you can cope with .

How is your weight loss and college preparations going??

hi twinkie,
i sort of understand why he wont turn his bach on his family he has friends that have don that and their family have completly disowned them, wherever they go no pakistani people round he will evn look at them for what they have done and just cause i have no family i dont want him to have none either,
the weight loss isnt happening at all cause when im down i eat and i seam to be down all the time, but as for collage evertyink is nearly all sorted out im really excited about it i cant wait and i will do dd goo to be around other kids at nursery , dp gets very jelous when i talk about going to collage but i dont care im still going if he can have a life so can i ,

i do fell very sorry for dp all the stress his family is giving him i feel like rngng hs sister up (she is the one who is arranging it all) and having a word with her but it wont do no good,

Babe, whatever the rights and wrongs of it, maybe not the time to feel sorry for him. Sounds like you've got enough to contend with - mainly getting on with college and so on. Fab news. And in the meantime, can you do some free stuff with dd? When I was going bonkers on maternity leave this time last year, I just got into a little routine of pootling down to the local library and/or the local park. You know how kids are - as long as they're out, and running about, they aren't too fussy - and if they run around enough they take a NAP in the afternoon, which is so very nice for YOU

i no but i cant help feelong sorry for him as for dd i think we will be a familiar face at the park and tumble tots

Bet he isn't feeling sorry for himself - loads of praise fomr family and you hanging around for him - exactly what he wants - he has got you to a place where he wants you and you need to get some confidence back and reclaim your life - takes a while but believe me you will in the long run be happier!!

Hi Nik, so sorry you're feeling so down. Sadly, I don't think you can DO much except carry on with the moves that you are making for yourself. Whatever happens, you will go to college and set yourself up for a better life for you and DD, whoever else is or is not sharing that life with you. I feel very sorry that dp has not been able to sort out the situation which divides you.
MI is right - find things you can do for free, feed the ducks, go and watch trains in the station, and maybe find out if there are holiday activities at the library etc, and FORCE yourself out. Small children become angels once you're out of the house, I find! And it gives you somehting to talk to them about.

Sorry you feel so down Nickola, but don't feel sorry for him! He has got everything exactly as he wanted it, you are the one who has been let down and left with virtually nothing.

And Nik - please, I know this is easy to say and hard to do, I really do - but please, when he comes back from his wedding, don't have anything to do with him. I know it's difficult. But you've got so much going for you now - so much more than him, too!

Hi Nikcola - sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. have you been to brighton before? it's a lovely place with fab shops, cafes and nightlife- but no proper sandy beach, more sort of shingle! Can you afford to get the train into central london, as there's loads of free museums that you/dd might like, and other cheap stuff to do, like the big parks, and walking on South Bank/round Covent Garden. Loads of bookshops on Charing Cross Road . Are you anywhere near a Surestart, as they do loads of free classes, toddler groups etc. You'll feel better if you can get out - and if you are busier then you will eat less. But don't worry about food atm - it'll fall into place once you go to college and the rest of your life starts to get sorted out.

As for your partner - I agree that you shouldn't feel sorry for him. It's his decision and his fault. Whilst morally I don't feel his family should be encouraging him to leave you and marry another woman, at the end of the day it was his decision. Is he showing evidence of feeling sorry for you atm - the impression I get is that it is just himself he is bothered about. Please don't worry about whether he gets jealous or not - it's a control thing on his part. As soon as he left you and intended to marry another woman IMHO he gave up any "right" for you not to go out and find yourself a partner. If you, for whatever reason, married someone else, would you think it was fair for him to wait around just for you? I'm sure you would never expect that.

Take care

x