Am I the only one who worries that modern parenting techniques will result in a nation of brats who expect everybody

[Twiglett]

to do what they want them to do, to not exhibit any negative emotions or vocabulary and to accept any way they act

I do wonder sometimes when I see some of the vehement opinions expressed on here

but then I hope this is only the nature of parenting toddlers and that these children will start to get an idea of what real life is like as they grow up and before they get rudely thrust into it not understanding why the world doesn't bend to their every whim nor explain everything in minute detail

I am just so not going to bother about all the conflicting advice: your baby should be feeding every 2 hours, or 3 hours, the feed should take x time. The baby will at this stage be behaving like x.

It's such generalising rubbish but everyone around me (during ds1's babyhood) seemed to believe it and be struggling to get their babies to conform to it, lest they be weird, children.

I remember having a fit of rage and chucking Penelope Leach in the bin. It was great.

yes, we forget that babies and children have unique personalities and although they may develop physically in a similar fashion, they don't all do the same things ! as I said earlier the only book I have actually found useful was one that gives a sort of general view of what to EXPECT at a given stage, but because it isn't prescriptive, so it doesn't say you MUST do x, y or z, I find it less irritating than any other book I have read. I have some pet hate books, but I won't mention which

Oblomov, I agree that your mum is probably remembering your childhood with rose tinted glasses, that you were almost certainly older than three (my guess is nearer to six)and that there will definitely have been times when you were whiny and grumpy. My god, I'm whiny and grumpy myself more often than I should be and I'm 43, not three.
As others have said, YOU were looking forward to the trip to the Harvester, but your ds clearly wasn't! So what if people were looking - it's hardly the Savoy! Anyone who goes to the Harvester in search of a quiet, romantic 6pm dinner for two is seriously deluded IMO. Anyway, I love it when I go out with the kids and someone is behaving worse than my two. Fantastic. I truly recommend growing a slightly thicker skin. When you feel edgy and embarrassed you are much more likely to translate those emotions into anger, and then it all goes downhill. Honestly, he is only three. it's really young to expect perfect restaurant behaviour. By six he will be a totally different (though never perfect)child. I sometimes see people on here claiming that a two year old 'knows the difference between right and wrong'. My two year old thinks she is invisible if she covers her eyes.

LOL Aloha at dd thinking she is invisible.

It depends on what you find acceptable.

Today ds has been whiney & .... actually RUDE all day.

He was presented with lunch - ham wrap - his favourite.
Now, I know, that we all, sometimes don't fancy something.
But I unlike my sil, who cooks a different meal for her dh ( builder, needing carbs), one for herself (weightwatchers) and four different meals for her four children who refuse to eat the same thing as eachother - EVERY NIGHT SHE DOES THIS.

In our house, occasionally you are given a choice - would you like baked beans or...
But generally , if shepherds pie, is put infront of you, you either eat it, or go without.

No alternative is offered.

Ds picked at wrap and then refused it.

Dh and I had easter eggs.
Wrap was re-presented.
Choice was, eat wrap first, then easter eggs.
No.

Then dh and mummy had packet of salty microwave popcorn.

Oi, said ds to dh.
I want.
He was ignored and cried whilst dh and mummy ate all the popcorn.

Now you may think I'm harsh.
But I do not.

Dh will not have ds saying 'oi', to him and neither will I.

I am not asking for anyone opinon on this.
The fact is that I find it unacceptable, and that is all the matters.

Please do not offer me your opinon on this issue.
It does not matter to me if someone else thinks it is o.k.
I do not.

I will change my parenting to address what I find acceptable & not acceptable.

I don't know how yet.

But I will sort this.

Ds is only ONE member of our family.
The whole world seems to revolve around him.
We pander to his ........
Not any more.

Oblomov at your sil for cooking so many different dinners every night. She is either v keen cook, or total doormat.

We have a rule in our house which is if you don't like it, don't mess it up or let it get cold because some one else might eat it (usually dh).

I also put fear of god into ds by saying "if you continue to do xyz, I shall not be buying any more Cadbury's Chocolate Trifles." This usually has the desired effect.

Oh oblomov I do sympathise, but he is so very young. My life revolves around ds (nearly 3), but it wouldn't be any easier if his life revolved around mine.

I agree with not cooking 5 fecking different meals (my sister does that, it really pisses me off) the sooner you give the message there is only one type of food per meal, the sooner they will have to put up with it. If ds doesn't eat what he is offered, it goes in the fridge and he gets it again the next day and eats it because he has forgotten what he was offered for lunch the day before A shortage of memory at that age can have it's advantages

Oblomov,I agree,it is what YOU find acceptable that matters. I often look at friends' children and think'if you were mine',and I know people who offer advice re our teenage DD and say 'we won't allow ours to do xyz' and we chortle madly to ourselves and think 'just you wait!'

Well, I've no beef with your parenting Oblomov, (although it wouldn't be my style) - but it concerns me far more that you feel the need to start a new paragraph every three words

Is this some clue to your inner psyche, I wonder? Perhaps a deep-seated need to take up as much room as possible?

Actually it reminds me a bit of the poerty of Sylvia Plath. Set to music by Philip Glass

brat

oi shut it Greeny

starting new paragraphs every three words is the sign of a great intellect at work

I can't bear to read this thread, even the title depresses me utterly

orville - are you trying to be cod ?

LOL

orville is cod

yellowrose thanks a lot for the link. I will def get it today.

DD will be 2 in July and she has started 'trying' me at times.

Like you say, unfortunately, although I do live in one of the most pop cities I do not have anyone to ask things to or to observe so i do read a lot. i do not mind it though as it is one of my fav activities anyway. but as you say you cannot and shouldn't follow everything literally. when I did it didn't work - and yes with a newborn!

ah, ok, i KNEW it ! so cod-like !

btas you are all brats

pippi - if you don't like the book or any of what I say though - please don't sue me !

don't care .. fabulous attitude to 3 year old bratdom food-facist

the only bit i objected to oblomov's easter egg story, if i may call it that was the easter egg, like a true organic lentil-eating family, i would have offered him some organic breadsticks instead - choccies are bad for teeth

hooray, twiglett is back.
Being on the naughty step has taught her a lesson, she will never so the same again.
Ahhh the EFFECTIVE naughty step - don't you just love it.

look ere saint yellow rose,
more chocolate = more fat = happy slob.
Besides, we are good parents, we didn't give any to ds, we scoffed the lot ourselves - did you miss that bit ?

Now that IS good parenting !!

oblomov - i am now officially objecting to your lack of sense of humour and will henceforth report you to MNHQ for neglecting your child with excessive easter eggs

despite my sainthood status - i DO have a sense of humour

thanks for change of name suggestion btw !