Gin and a moat

[paxillin]

Not by one of the Queens this time... But we can drink here.

Quick, hurl some royal phlegm at it!

Perhaps the ice statue is Barry from accounts?

Okay I did and it went its eye and now its crying. I don't think this one has matured yet.

Didn't he used to be Barry from legal? I told him he'd get disbarred if he kept up all that fidgywidgyness but he wouldn't listen.

Hello! Have you missed me while I've been away on holiday an extensive fact-finding mission abroad?

Anything exciting happened.....oh shit. How many have you got?

Is that one of the Barrys? I never could tell them apart.

I suppose you want me to defrost him? Because none of you had the nous to realise the safest way to defrost something (or someone) is to immerse it in water, not to flame it.

Well, relatively safe. Is there anything living in the moat I should know about?

We could also suirt the "ink". Either get an ice cube adding some fun to your drink or a firework!

This is the sort of outside-the-box thinking that will make Mortificado Great Again!

Queen - I suspect that only urine-base life forms could live in the moat these days - so yes, it's probably teeming with creatures of all shapes and sizes.

Don't upset the pale lemon dragons whatever you do.

They are Micturation Dragons and trust me - you WILL regret it,

Wipe its eye and kiss it better - quickly!

IIRC, the Barrys were more of a nicotine-based life form, but if we get him(or whoever it is) back out of the moat now, while theres still a thin ice crust, and leave him in the sun to finish thawing, I expect that'll be OK.

How the heck can you tell about the lemon dragons yet? All baby dragons are micturition dragons - well, baby anythings are micturition whatevers tbf.

How big do they get, can we tell by the claws? Dragons wee? I thought it's solid like in birds. Mortificadodragon, can you confirm? We'll need to empty the moat, we've had some disgusting stuff in there, but I draw the line at behemoth piss.

We should have badges. As Schadenfreude says, make Mortificado Great Again. MMGA perhaps?

Badges are on order from Vistaprint. I've asked for two designs.

"Make Mortificado Great Again" with a pile of black squid-ink ice cubes on a red background (lettering in yellow - nothing gaudy or tasteless, obviously)

and

"Raw Strength and Urine" black lettering on a lemon-yellow background, circling an incontinent dragon lifting dumb-bells.

Re: the Micturation Dragons - they don't wee, wee. They spray it copiously from nostrils and throat - for heavens sake, never do anything that will boil their piss, whatever you do.

And if yours was crying, I would sniff your hanky . . . those may not be the sort of tears you're used to.

Christ on a bike. Let's hope none of them are emesis dragons. We go back to colour coding, damned be the silly law.

MMGA badge for me, please. And a t shirt.

Are you sure you know about dragons? they definitely wee in the normal way, I've been teaching them to go outdoors. You were right about the tears though, don't know what it's made of but it polishes up the glass a treat. Incidentally, the hallway mirror is broken and I am coincidentally going to go change my outfit and hair for reasons unrelated to me shrieking and breaking the mirror... no one step on the dragons!

But they are lizards, like dinosaurs, aren't they? They should poop uric acid crystals. I can't work like this, what next, birds with teeth? Humans with gills? 'Tis wrong, there are rules!

Well, concentrated uric acid solution, if you want to get into detail but tbh thats a bit personal

Obviously they're not like dinosaurs, do they look extinct to you?! I'm pretty sure there are birds with teeth in the garden and one of the Barrys has gills. Honestly I thought they were painted on, hadn't realised there were two of them.

And seriously, do you really think you're going to find much applicable to dragon biochemistry or physiology in an A level textbook?

I'm pretty sure there are birds with teeth in the garden

Has someone been doing unauthorised GM experiments again? Trying to create a dino-chicken isn't exactly novel research nowadays.

Probably just schadenfreude again. We got her a kit.

Dragons are lizards, right? My textbooks should have some relevance.

The toothed bird has found the King's dentures and suffers from monstrous vanity so won't take them out again. Barry suffers from psoriasis, not gills.

Dragons are lizards, right? My textbooks should have some relevance.

In the same way in which a Haynes manual for a mini metro would be relevant to an F15 fighter jet, yes.

Well, what goes in and what comes out is the same, if on a different scale.

Glad you found a use for it.