Gin and a moat

[paxillin]

Not by one of the Queens this time... But we can drink here.

You want to skin them for your hats! I'm bloody well eating the rest. The only plasticky bit is the fur.

PEEL them!

Not SKIN them!

FFS - I'm not a barbarian!

It'll grow back.

Probably . . .

do we have any food that isn't horrifying?

Anyway I've got a new crown and married into french politics. I don't really understand french or politics but someone said we needed to improve our relationship with Europe so here we are.

Only the prok.

Is there such a thing as French politics? Are the two words not mutually exclusive?

I just said I don't understand those things. How the hell should I know?

Did he bring a guillotine?

You're particulalry slightly arsey today QueenMorpheacadoChamelepen.

Time of the reign, is it?

And as Pax says - check that he's just pleased to see you and doesn't have a guillotine in his pocket.

And should there not be a cedilla on the "c" in QueenMorpheacadoChamelepen? Oh - hang on. You wouldn't know, would you?

**

They hump date the King.

Didn't do Nell Gwynne a lot of good though did it Pax and she was a very nice lady by all accounts. No. There must be more to it.

Blackmail, perhaps.

Or threats of physical violence.

Oh yes because of course no woman could ever get to the throne without the help of a MAN. I infiltrated the queendom on my own intiative thank you very much! Wouldn't touch your father with a 10 foot legfish pole, I've heard his lice can jump that far.

Anyway, who says it's a he?

Hm, Queen must be better than that. Otherwise the crown would have gone to me after the King's demise.

She- even better. I like a girl with a guillotine.

It went to your mother for whom I'm the official stand in as I was so good at impersonating the queen I convinced everyone she didn't have big piles. Are you part legfish or what? You were both there!

Some gin was taken. Everybody changed names every other post. I started becoming so confused I forgot who I am.

The new gin must be good then. What's in it?

I hate to think. Fishplop probably.

Schadenferude's Dry Fishplop Gin (127% proof) is an acquired taste, admittedly, but well worth the effort and hallucinations .

It makes a wonderful martini (the famous Mortificadan Long Slow Unicorn Against a Wall) when combined with Happy Harpy Vermouth and Unicorn Urine (urinicorne).

A full list of the delicious cocktails which are possible using this speciality artisanal hand-crafted gin is probably available somewhere or other for a small fee. Though usually we just throw the lot into a bucket and stick a few pickled onions in as a garnish and then neck it

Now we're al fresco I insist on cocktail umbrellas, straws and a crown compatible hat. Where do I get one of those?

I thought al fresco meant White Lightning and a fag on a bench outside the offie?

Bored. Anyone been on a good bunfight today?

Got a rl one going on. I was looking at a uni website and dp came out with 'you've got no chance'. I've half a mind to feed him to the legfish.

Too right. Sell him.

Is randomly insulting academic ability for no reason a valuable trait now? Tbf it made me so furious I'm actually considering applying so could sell as a motivational tool.

where's the dragon? Usually takes care of those. Not very heat resistant.

And where are my cocktail umbrellas?

I expect the cocktail umbrella dissolved in the gin component of the cocktail.

If you read the almost invisible small print on the back table, it clearly states that Schadenfreude's Original Old Mortificadan Dry Fishplop Gin is not only made from genuine Mortificadan grapes grown on the leeward side of the Mortificadan Alp (Oh! The shame of being fro a country only big enough to accommodate a single Alp), but can also be used to remove paint, dissolve unsightly warts, deal with superfluous facial/body hair, buff your dragon's scales to a dazzling shine, and kill slugs. I imagine that dissolving cocktail umbrellas is a piece of piss for it.

It'll probably get rid of the tumbleweed, too.