Gin and a moat

[paxillin]

Not by one of the Queens this time... But we can drink here.

God shave our gracious Faux
Long live our noble Faux
God shave The Faux!

dadadumdum

Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
Go-od shave The Faux.

There'll be no shaving thank you very much! I'm growing in my winter coat now that we don't have any walls.

Plenty of fire nonetheless so au naturel might be ill advised.

the king was dead by the time I showed up

You dirty sod Monarch/Compliance Officer.

Necrophilia is dead disgusting.

I'm growing in my winter coat now

It's called pelage.

Birds have plumage, animals and hairy bastsrds have pelage.

18,000 monies a year well spent on those school fees I see. Happy has learned a big word.

That's slandering a monarch that is, I'm sure there are rules against that

'tis a lovely word for my beautiful pelt.

I learned two.

Changed my username to incorporate the other (whoops! must have learned three . It seemed right somehow . . .

signed
The --piss- artist formerly known as HappyFlappy (among others)\

Your pelage is looking fab, Your Maj.

Any chance of a paid post in your entourage? I could de-louse perm your pelage for you for a small fee.

Braid it, the fluff goes everywhere and it is, as previously mentioned, FLAMMABLE.

And you all stop namechanging please, I have the attention span of a puppy and forget who's who.

Oh - pardon ME!

I can't help it if I identify as a person who takes delight in the misery of others. It's since my Legfish were BURNED ALIVE in the MOAT through NO FAULT of their OWN . . . and then I was DENIED a HUMBLE REQUEST for depleted uranium and palmed off with PLASTICINE

. . . I became CYNICAL and OVER-dramatic and VOWED VENGANCE on Mortificadankind (humankind isn't quite the term, I think).

(But I'm not bitter)

I do not have lice and I'm not a fire hazard. You're all a lot ruder since I stopped wearing a crown. Apparently you did have some respect for the monarchy. Who knew.

And it is MY pen.

Is not.

It's MY pen.

I got it free with begging letter from the Dragons' Protection League . . .

I left it on the sideboard when I was feeding the Legfish and it disappeared - I wondered where it had gone. I'd noticed that the two of you were sniggering in a corner, but I thought it's because the Legfish were evolving in public in full view of everyone, but now I realise it's because you had snaffled my pen.

And to think, i thought the Phoenix might have accidentally immolated it.

I had a pint now which means I have no idea who the fuck anybody is since you all changed. I think you should all wear hats. Gold for the queen, pink with sparkles for Happy, green for all dragons. Can't tell them apart anyway. I shall wear a deep purple velvet crown with the Koh-I-Noor.

Mmm - does pink with sparkles go with terminal schadenfreude?

Yes - okay.

I can live with that.

Can I have a fur trim on it?

Fur is good. What species? Can't think of a pink mammal other than pigs and their fur is a little sparse?

Obviously mine should be rose gold. Didnt we ditch your pencil crown? Pretty sure it got lost in one of the fires. I prefer caran d'ache anyway.

Can't think of a pink mammal

The Acrylic.

They come in lots of colours and I understand that they are ethically farmed in Mortificado (they're not a native species).. Big cages; lots of food; a stimulating environment with an X-box for their amusement etc.

I can tell you are of non-royal stock, not-the-queen, pencils indeed. New pets! Pink, fluffy acryls, how cute. How VERY flammable, too. Hope they don't make annoying noises, remember what happened after the incessant corgi yelping.

Joke's on you, it was definitely pencils, happy processed the order.

Do we really want pink fluffy screechy things wondering around here? I wasn't even allowed prok and that's food!

I imagine the acryls taste quite processed. Will be lovely microwaved and drowned in ketchup. We'll have to wring their necks so we don't spoil the fur for the hats.

Blergh. Won't they melt when you cook them and taste a bit plasticky?

You're not EATING them!

They're so FLUFFY! And anyway they taste like shit.