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Original poster

Is there a website where you can get advice on parenting?

177 replies

disillusioned · 04/03/2007 18:06

I know, I probably sound sarcastic. It just all seems so different these days. Unless you are a well known prolific poster or you are posting about something really unusual or outrageous, people just aren't interested.

You only need to look at some of the topics and you can see that posters who have concerns about their kids, parenting etc only get a few replies. Yet ask about sex toys, what's for dinner and baby names and you're inundated with replies.

When I joined MN I was amazed at the replies you would get when you started a thread, it seemed that people were genuinely interested. Nowadays, there are umpteen unanswered threads and it all seems more superficial.

I know there are times when everyone comes together eg the christmas pressie thing, but on a day to day basis no one really cares anymore.

Btw, I've just changed my name as I've just noticed a thread when someone was moaning about my name being similar to theirs. Will be sticking with this from now on.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 04/03/2007 21:37

i always check the last hour for threads, or topics i'm interested in. but i am no help with personal problems really

grannycrackers · 04/03/2007 21:39

sometimes i'm a bit slow on the uptake, mp.
dis, it helps to go away for a bit after you've posted if you're feeling sad or angry - giving a little space before reading any replies (sorry my grammar, whole use of language is crap tonight)

filthymindedvixen · 05/03/2007 10:24

great, I post to say 'I care' in answer to the OP and get ignored!

Wanders off to play on the edges of some Big Girls' game....

dejags · 05/03/2007 10:34

Only read the OP. I just wanted to say that I don't agree. In the past few weeks I have had the most wonderful support regarding my DS1.

I can honestly say that the quality of advice I received on here was astounding. More importantly I think the advice was given (on the whole) with a great deal of sensitivity.

LieselVentouse · 05/03/2007 10:46

I think the fact that your all walking/knitting for Maude speaks volumes

lissielou · 05/03/2007 10:52

the thing is we arent JUST parents, since having ds ive lost touch with a lot of my friends and felt v isolated but mn has reminded me that i am still an intelligent funny woman with opinions and ambitions. and the response and support i got from my ep was astounding! the nurses in hospital asked for the web address so they could pass it on to other women in my position.

Original poster
disillusioned · 05/03/2007 11:24

Sorry I didn't thank you personally FMV, I thought I had said a general thank you to everyone though. No doubt my posts will all be analysed now, to make sure I'm grateful enough.

OP posts:
filthymindedvixen · 05/03/2007 12:11

Oh Dis, I was kidding...

Please, don't be so paranoid (that's my job )

littlelapin · 05/03/2007 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dolally · 05/03/2007 12:41

dis, I can't see any reason why you shouldn't have changed your name for this. You didn't come over as paranoid but a bit sad.

Surely the point of us asking, and receiving, advice is that we should be taken at face value. I can read everyone's input when I'm asking for advice... and evaluate it. I don't need to know who they are, where they live, or how long they've been on Mumsnet. I only need to read their comments and see if they can be useful to me. That's why I don't post my own profile.

Equally, when we post our advice to someone what the hell does it matter if we are thanked or not? Though it's nice to be appreciated if our advice is useful,if it's flattery we're after MN is not the place.

dolally · 05/03/2007 12:44

meant to say, dis, too that it really doesn't mean anything if you are ignored... I have been too... usually for unimportant things Though it can be hard if you post about something you're feeling a bit traumatised about... and no-one notices...

margo1974 · 05/03/2007 13:05

I think that some stages in childrens life are so intense and change so much that you don't really remember what happened. i.e. weaning. My friend asked me about weaning my eldest and I can't remember a thing.

Now I am potty training her and I think it's mainly mums who are going through the potty training process who are responding. The level of responses have been lower than my requests for help with b/f my newborn. But it's a short lived experience and I think I will be better off if I mentally blocked the whole potty training experience once it's over!

margo1974 · 05/03/2007 22:04

I well and truly killed this thread

pirategirl · 06/03/2007 12:22

Totally understand where u r coming from with forgetting how and what you did with so much of the major developments.

It like ok, seem to have 'got that' on to the next challenge.

There thread revived, altho not sure what I wrote has much to do with the OP!

TnOg · 06/03/2007 13:09

I've only read the op and then kind of skimmed through.
I use Mn as a diversion from doing real work and so often don't have the time to reply to threads that need thoughtful, well construced, relevant replies.
Sometimes I do type out a post and delete the whole thing because I worry that I might sound judgemental or crass, often not feeling confident enough perhaps in my own convictions and always think there will be someone more intelligent and articulate than me along shortly to help.

I do empathise with what you are saying DIsillusioned and I hope you feel less sad and more supported

AuldAlliance · 06/03/2007 13:38

As a relative newcomer, I can see both sides of this:
it's true that it's hard sometimes to feel your way around MN when other people have known each other for ages and have met each other in the flesh.

And some people's direct, dismissive 'FGS grow up' style is terrifying when you're struggling with things that to you seem important or even overwhelming. Experienced parents seem sometimes to have forgotten the general bewildered feeling that haunts new mums.

It's all a bit intimidating; I lurk a lot and don't post that often. When I do, I often regret it and feel that I didn't express myself well. The whole typing medium is a minefield.

I read one of the 'hasn't MN gone downhill' threads recently where someone said that there were now 'too many people we've never heard of asking for advice' or words to that effect. I decided to give up there and then.

But here I am: there's something compelling about MN, and the general level of support and sympathy is really impressive.

It is a shame that messages about DH peeing sitting down get more responses than some cries for help, but in RL as well we find it easier (and often a relief) to talk about trivia than the important things.

Maybe it helps get things into perspective if you think that in spite of the name, it's more like Lifenet (i.e. a reflection of all aspects of daily life, including clothes, fanjo-trimming, etc.)than Mumsnet?

Shall stop wittering now (swithering about deleting or posting, as usual...)

Spidermama · 06/03/2007 13:42

I have never been in any clique nor had any sense of being judged by the longevity of my posting career. There are some who know each other better than others or who simply devote far more of their time to MNing than others. Fair play to them.

There's the full spectrum of people from lurkers to cod and everyone in between.

You have to let the 'cliquey stuff' wash over you or avoid those thread. I think there's plenty around.

I agree that threads are more often short or unanswered these days and it's probably an inevitable consequence of having more members.

Spidermama · 06/03/2007 13:44

Good post AuldAlliance.

AuldAlliance · 06/03/2007 13:52

Ooh, thank you!

dolally · 06/03/2007 23:58

dis, are you still about?

Original poster
disillusioned · 07/03/2007 11:21

Hi, yes I am still around. Thanks to everyone who has commented. I was hoping that the thread would die and I could fade into the background again, plus it is a pita to keep changing my name. I'm trying not to take it personally and decided to just throw myself back into posting.

Unfortunately, I posted several times on a thread which I did have some experience of and all of my posts were ignored. I thought it was bloody rude actually, but I really can't be arsed to say anything. It's hard not to become paranoid, but maybe I just need to accept people don't want to hear what I've got to say on any level. Christ, I must be so boring.

OP posts:
tigermoth · 07/03/2007 14:02

Bad luck, disillusioned. And I am pretty sure it was mainly bad luck.

Of course, if you feel strongly you are being deliberately ignored on a thread, you could try namechecking another poster in your next message, and asking a general question that's easy for them to answer ie sort of what you'd do in RL if you were trying to join a crowd talking about a subject. And do it again, if still no answer. If you politely put your neck out a little, it will reveal any deliberate rudeness, so be assertive if it is making you upset. If you say nothing, the person/s ignoring you will be getting away with it.

Marina · 07/03/2007 14:08

I know you want this thread to frizzle away and die but just wanted to agree with TM - it was probably bad luck, but yes it happens to me too, to lots of us I think, and yes it can seem very rude.
If you are robust enough to challenge them as tigermoth suggested, I think that's a good way forward
Glad you are still around

2shoes · 07/03/2007 14:13

disillusioned that happens (posting and being ignored) a lot. I posted on something VERY close to my heart and was horrified that I was talked over. and will bot revisit the thread, so I think It most likely happens to everyone at sometime.

Dior · 07/03/2007 14:21

Message withdrawn