Home fires, candles and gin for zombie

[atheistmantis]

Another thread, home fires is going to fill soon.

UPDATE FROM HQ New thread here
Love and light from HQ too

My Mum didn't have a Woolly Hug, was too long ago, but I gave her the softwst pashmina, which she would rest her head on and stroke. Helped me immensely as I couldn't be with her.

Currently going back through three years of Facebook messenger stuff with Candy. Makes me smile.

Hope you're comfortable and resting peacefully Candy. Dd1 sends her love, too.

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TheRealLoisLane so sorry to hear about your sister

Much love to Zombie this morning.

Gentle to you both.

Thereal thoughts with your sis.

I hope you are comfortable and pain free Zombie. When you take that final step, you take the love and thoughts of every single one of us with you

Hugs to you Loislane there are no words

Thereal so very sorry. I hope your sister is soon pain free and peaceful too.

Zombie hope you're floaty with morphine, with no pain, knowing you are loved.

Much love and thinking of you Zombie .

So sorry thereal. Life is cruel and unfair. I'm glad your sister has one of the blankets too. May it bring her comfort, and may the hospice guide her ever so gently to a place where there is no pain.

Woke up around 5am today and thought of you, Zombie. My DGF was in a morphine induced state in the run up to his passing. I had travelled there (abroad) and spent a weekend sitting next to him, just holding his hand, willing him to go (which, incidentally, feels really counterintuitive). He held on and I had to travel back home after saying my goodbyes, knowing I'd never see him alive again. Ever step of that journey home was harder than the last, and I was in floods of tears as I walked on to the plane, in to the arms of the loveliest stewardess who comforted me.

Apparently my goodbye with him was the last time he opened his eyes and was responsive until he passed away about two days later.

He'd been in pain and his face had been tight/grimaced in those last few weeks. My DM told me that when he drew his last breath his face relaxed, he smiled, and then passed away peacefully. My DGM, DM & DA we're with him.

I returned a few days later when he had been prepared. Seeing his face no longer scrunched up with pain was amazing.

Unlike him I don't believe in God at all, but I do absolutely believe he saw something that made the pain go away. I believe that to be a vivid dream, others believe it to be the afterlife.

Whichever it is, may it bring you peace and happiness, Zombie, dear beautiful lady. May you go as peacefully as my DGF.

Keep have spent all week reading the Zombie threads. Can't believe the end is almost here. You sound a marvellous person and I would have been honoured to have had you as my friend. Safe journey as you go on to your next adventure, look out for my darling Mum who left us on Christmas Eve. I'll raise a to you later. God speed. 🌺🌺

Phalanx Someone upthread used a beautiful turn of phrase wrt to the Phalanx; I can't scroll back to copy but it was along the lines of the Phalanx 'going into rehab together'.

I can't remotely claim to be a full member of the Phalanx (as I only de-lurked pretty recently), but the PP above has made me think of all of here as a collective, and what we can do. I am desperately hoping this isn't inappropriate, but I can't help but feel that we, again collectively, are capable of doing something powerful and that genuinely helps/makes a difference. Could one or more of the Phalanx who are closest to Zombie and family RL possibly think about what that might be?

One thought I have - given the unique & immense power of hospices to gift both stabilisation of pain and peace of passage in the grimmest of times - is that maybe there could be an 'MN'ers for Candy' page where those of us able to and wanting to could, right now even, gift in honour of Zombie?

Many on this page have talked of hospices, of the incredible gift they are in that darkest of times, of the profound difference they truly do make. And conversely, many of us will also know what this same stage of life when a hospice bed is not available looks like The hospice that my DM had respite care in - but could not go to when she was at the same stage of her journey that Zombie is - at costs £18,000 per day just to be there. And less than 25% of that was from Government funding - the other 75% is entirely gifted from various sources, often donations made to honour someone specific

Again, I am desperately desperately hoping this post isn't inappropriate but the truth is I - and I'm certain I'm not alone in this? - do feel utterly bloody powerless yet want to do something. I can't donate blood and nor can I knit, but I could and can and would in a heartbeat gift the equivalent of a virtual gallon bottle of gin to the place that is taking such great care of Zombie right now and as I type this.

I'm sorry the above is so long but I'm struggling with 'pithy' or 'to the point', both as I'm on pretty hard core pain meds right now (so 'succinct' - which eludes me at the best of times - is something I'm simply not capable of right now) and as I am trying desperately to find a road between not offending anyone but which might take me to a place where I can DO something tangible. Any advice or guidance from those who do know Candy in RL, those who have the right to claim knowledge of what she would want us to be doing would be hugely welcomed

Hope you've had a peaceful, pain free night Zombie my love.

Thereal

IwAM I'm so mew to all this, only the last couple of months I think, but long enough for sure to feel the love, warmth and support, and I'd be more than happy to contribute. I can't knit nor crochet; I've bought wool for this far cleverer than me in that respect, but would like to do more xx

Zombie I have never posted before but followed you for many many years (I have lurked for an indecent amount of time). It's strange how your journey feels like it's happening to a member of my own family. I wish you peace and love and hope that ZLad and ZLass know that you are so loved by so many people all around the world.

I wouldn't worry about being 'inappropriate', Iwas - Zombie would probably laugh her head off at that notion.

I think she gave her imprimatur to the Candy's Hugs movement herself though? It sounds as though that's something that nearly everyone can help with in one way or another - and long-lasting as well?

Thinking of you today dear zombie and wishing you freedom from your pain xx 🌺🌺🌺

Thoughts are with you Zombie. May this part of your journey be smooth and peaceful.

Look out for my son when you get to the other side. He was only 18 when he lost his life to cancer. Nearly 3 years ago so he will show you the ropes and make you laugh until you cry

I like to think of him riding the shooting stars - if it is at all possible that's what he will be doing. He'll show you how.

Fly high xx

minmooch I am so sorry

Hope today's a better day

If the power of love could change anything for you, it certainly would, you are cared about by so many people, all over the world

Take the next part of your journey in peace and pain free

So many sad experiences on this thread

Zombie, still holding your hand from afar and wishing you peace

Early morning here. Raising a cup of strong, black coffee eastward and toasting Zombie and the Phalanx.

Not sure if those elsewhere recognize this, but it's been playing in my head.

Minmooch I remember you and your ds. Much love.

Zombie, I so hope you are comfortable and peaceful.
I have found this poem by Julia Darling some comfort in the past.

Eventually, I was placed on a bed like a boat
in an empty room with sky filled windows,
with azure blue pillows, the leopard-like quilt.
It was English tea time, with the kind of light
that electrifies the ordinary. It had just stopped raining.
Beads of water on glass glittered like secrets.
In another room they were baking, mulling wine.
I was warm with cloves, melting butter, demerara,
and wearing your pyjamas. My felt slippers
waited on the floor. Then the door opened
soundlessly, and I climbed out of bed.
It was like slipping onto the back of a horse,
and the room folded in, like a pop up story
then the house, and the Vale. Even the songs
and prayers tidied themselves into grooves
and the impossible hospital lay down its chimneys
its sluices, tired doctors, and waiting room chairs.
And I came here. It was easy to leave.

Thinking of you zombie and sending much love .💜💙💚

BathsLad's gone in for his next lot of chemotherapy. He goes in overnight once a fortnight. He's gone wearing his brand new long red wig (sorry, not purple).