I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

What party?

Nobody asked me to a party!

And now you've drank all the "stuff"

Catch her tears in that bucket, I'm sure with the amount she's imbibed she'll blub proof spirit. Slightly salty, so best make it into margaritas?

Think you forgot to send the invites pax. I'd not have minded a party, had to have been better than watching happy cry over the rugs, wallpaper and that painting of a horse. Expect you've got that to come now.

Evening dragon where you been?

Do tears contain alcohol when you're pissed? That would be good for Bloody Mary.

Breakfast cocktails are for people that can't handle their morning booze. Just put it on your cereal like everyone else.

Did that, erm, anatomical "lemon" grow in the moat?

Oh yes, of course Bloody Marys.

Does anyone else have that thing where you really crave tomato juice when flying but never at other times, or is that just dragons? (I know you lot can't actually fly)

There are things growing in that moat that will make you VERY SORRY you are nasty to me Pax.

Don't ever forget that in Mortificado, no-one can hear you scream - and if they did, they wouldn't give monkey's!

Nothing grows in the moat. Except legs. I think the plants have them now.

I'm not hearing any thanks for reviving your thread party AND you ignored me this is why no one comes to your threads parties.

That was really lovely, especially the appendaged fruit. It has died again, I am the lone Dimbleby fan. Give Happy some booze, she's better sloshed.

Dragons drink and fly ?

Dragons drink and fly ?

Yes - tomato juice. Save some for me when you're mixing the BMs.

I would but I drank it all this morning, can't eat on empty stomach. How's the teary booze coming along? And where's the unicorn? I hear unicorn tears taste like gin.

I was given a unicorn that shat out chocolate buttons when you lifted its tail for Secret Santa once.

Should have been skittles, surely?

True. Still, I suppose it's the thought that counts. Trying to imagine someone in the shop thinking "ooh, a pooping unicorn, just the thing for paxillin .

I have a handicorn, if that makes you feel better. It was also a gift.

A handicorn? I have learned not to google stuff I read about on MN.

It's like a rubber unicorn hand puppet. Just google it. It's not as rude as it sounds.

Look, UnicornMortificado swiped it !

Wow... if they ship to Mortificado thats next xmas sorted https://mcphee.com . I've never before come across a website with such a firm grip on what the word 'Essentials' should mean.

I am torn between the Jane Austen action figure, punching Shakespeare and the inflatable toast.

I have a trade account with them. Does this help?

Asking Santa for a Zombie Horse Mask and an Inflatable Cthulhu Beard.

I've not been so excited about Christmas since I was seven!

I think Jane Austen Action woman is best.