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Original poster

I don't have big piles.

998 replies

QueenMortifauxcado · 29/11/2016 21:26

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

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Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 27/05/2017 17:00

I just feel allergic, okay? My skin goes all hot and my face gets all wet and my feet swell up! One time all my skin went red and peeled off Shock it was horrific. I'm not risking it.

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HappyFlappy · 27/05/2017 22:27

Oooh!

Pardon me!

You feel allergic?

Has it occurred to you that your skin going all hot and wet and red etc could be because you are cooking in the sun? Look at when you put a joint of pork in the oven and all the fat ooooooooozes out. That's probably what's happening with you. Your swole-up-feet are probably full of melted fat from your head what has oozed down.

I warned you not to use Mazola as a sunscreen, but would you listen?

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 27/05/2017 22:42

I am allergic! And I do not have a fat head!

Also corn is good for your skin, I saw it on pinterest.

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HappyFlappy · 28/05/2017 12:42

Obviously you don't have a fat head now, because it's all slithered down into your fat feet, but it must have come from somewhere. Is your @rse still huge?

However, I apologise if I have been wrong about the Mazola. If it's on Pinterest, it must be true, which is obvious even to me.

paxillin · 29/05/2017 00:11

I did always wonder if I'd lose weight if I pricked my skin all over before sunbathing. It works for roast prok after all.

paxillin · 29/05/2017 00:12

PORK. Pork, not prok. I don't know how to roast prok.

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 29/05/2017 12:02

I think it's much the same. We do only get prok because it's cheaper. I'm not sure who cooks it though. It just sort of appears in the kitchen.

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paxillin · 29/05/2017 12:59

Does prok come from gips? Do they go ionk?

HappyFlappy · 29/05/2017 14:02

Pork is better casseroled. With neabs.

HappyFlappy · 29/05/2017 14:03

PROK - not pork!

FFS - who would eat pork in this weather?

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 29/05/2017 14:07

No we get premium prok, it comes from pgis and they go oikn.

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Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 29/05/2017 14:08

I believe the g is silent.

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paxillin · 29/05/2017 14:22
Grin

Whereas prork comes from prigs. The noise they make- well, least said, soonest mended.

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 29/05/2017 15:00

All this talk of prok is making me hungry. Happy, be a dear and whip us up some food. I think there's breef in the fridge or possibly lboster in the moat.

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HappyFlappy · 30/05/2017 12:06

Keep out of my moat - it's full of evolving Lgefsih! (Er, they may have eaten all the lbosters. I found a big pile of claws under the drawbridge . . . )

I'll move them into an amot as soon as possible. They need to be able to cope with the cudks.

HappyFlappy · 30/05/2017 12:08

Here .

That's the last of the breef, but there's some kale and marmite spread if you fancy another butty.

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 30/05/2017 14:04

If that's the black and green sticky stuff I'll pass. Pretty sure it used to be milk.

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paxillin · 30/05/2017 15:26

Milk? She milked it from her fish!

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 30/05/2017 19:13

Fish milk? That's put me right off my sammich.

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HappyFlappy · 30/05/2017 20:21

I have NOT milked my fish, though I admit that I watered the geraniums.

Kale and marmite is an acquired taste. As is kale and anything. Or even just kale. Or marmite.

Oh! Look! There's a liver and beetroot yoghourt and it's only three months out of date! D'you want that?

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 30/05/2017 21:19

Watered them with what? I wondered why they'd started biting. Saw one take down a jack russell earlier.

Blergh I'll pass. Pretty sure that also used to be milk. I'm dairy intolerant you know.

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paxillin · 31/05/2017 09:31

You're the bloody queen, you don't have to prove your middle class credentials with a fancy food intolerance!

Fish "milk" isn't diary anyway, you sort of plop the eggs out over a vat, boak. Ask Happy.

paxillin · 31/05/2017 09:32

Dairy not diary. It's not diary either.

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 31/05/2017 10:02

I do have a diary intolerance too actually. I don't like how rigid the layout is. Plus they always go out of date too fast. I like a good ring bound planner where you can move stuff about.

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HappyFlappy · 31/05/2017 23:27

So it's YOU who's been de-plopping my Legfish, Pax you bar-steward!

I went to put some harpies into what I thought was an empty vat, and when I lifted the lid it was full of plopped Legfish roe, with a very angry lady Legfish snarling and snapping at me and digging through the slime looking for her own personal eggs.

Legfish like to climb out of the moat and lay their eggs in stoat holes (which is probably why they are almost extinct). They line the holes with dried grass and those polystyrene packing things, deposit their 30,000 offspring and then curl up on top until the little wrigglers hatch out and devour their devoted mothers.

Milking them is a right bugger of a job! Believe me, I've tried. However if you succeed, you can make a lovely ice-cream

Well, not lovely . . but you can make ice-cream. Or ice, anyway.