I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Well Queen it's not often you are right but you were wrong again.

I nipped into the greenhouse for a bottle of turps and a little lollo rosso (for that continental touch ) to add to my wine, and when I returned (not more that 20 minutes - I had to sort some wasps out.) Princess had necked the entire dustbin full and was trying to use the TV remote to order a kebab,

I'm going to have to start again now.

Can you make wine out of wasps? Just wonderin'?

Wouldn't that taste a little sharp?

Hadn't thought of that - filtering the legs and wings out might be a bit of a bugger, too

How's the space wine coming along?

I was going to throw in some star fruit for more space flavour but the bucket is hissing. Fancy checking that out?

Er - I would, but . . .er . . . I have an appointment.

Looks like an alcoholic fire polyp. Told you it isn't a pineapple. Why filter out wings and stuff? Pimms has bits in, too.

It is a pineapple. It just might be a bit spicier than usual.

Pimms is disgusting.

Pimms?

Disgusting?

Surely not - Alexander Armstrong used to advertise it. I can't believe that he would prostitute his God-given gifts for mere cash!

Nononononononononono!

No!

NooooooOOOOOOooooooo

Maybe they didn't have anything better back then. Space wine?

He makes a mighty fine danger mouse.

Ooooh! Thanks!

Hey - this is pretty good.

It's left most of the enamel on my teeth and everything! Cheers!

maybe it needs a bit longer.

MY EYES!!!!!!!!

They look very beautiful today. Now if you'll just sign this waiver, Barry is offering a pair of top of the range sunglasses in exchange.

My EYES!!!!

Ohgodohgodohgodohgodmyeyesmyeyesmyeyesmyeyes!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, do you want the sunglasses or not? Sorry, that was probably a bit insensitive but just sign here I'll go get a braille copy, do you speak braille? Is anyone here a blind interpreter?

Ow!

Owowowow - that hurts! It really, really does! It's agon . . . Oh - hang on . . . is that bait of daylight?

Oh - that's a bit better! What the eff is this?

That was very nice, your Maj - any chance of a top-up?

Time for a refill I think. I've been putting the space wine outside at night to absorb moonlight. Should be ready. How's it taste?

Nectar!

Letting it get darked on has really brought out the qualities

Is that what those bits are? I thought it was mould.

Hot hot hot. And people are a bit crabby outside of Mortificado today.

Ugh don't tell me they've all started growing shells again? We really should do something about that moat. I vote wait and see if it evaporates.

I can't be trusted in the heat. I get knee deep into bunfights before realising I don't really give that much of a shit about the issue. Just getting caught up in the excitement I suppose.

Can we add brewery yeast to the moat and see if it ferments? I bet Happy and the Princess will drink it, they're not proud.

Ooh yes. You go do that. I can't, I'm allergic to the sun.

How do you know you're allergic? What with not having reflection in a mirror to see if you have a rash or anything.

Don't put yeast in the moat - my Legfish are still evolving in there.