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Original poster

Does anyone else think Mumsnet is a bit clichey?

348 replies

Sunlounger · 24/05/2004 18:49

New to Mumsnet...been on it a few times, hardly anyone ever answers posts - and it seems like the same people 'chat' to each other, and it's really hard to get involved....

OP posts:
tammybear · 24/05/2004 18:51

Aww sunlounger, just do what I do, just chuck yourself in any threads that you think you can have your say in, or start threads of your own

LeftOut · 24/05/2004 18:52

I agree with you sunlounger, same old people post all the time and seem to only chat to each other, I've been ignored unfer my real name loads of times

motherinferior · 24/05/2004 18:54

I am very sorry you feel this way. The topic does get raised, quite frequently, and sadly I've concluded that if some people find the site cliquey, it is cliquey. I think a lot of people do try very hard to welcome newcomers, though.

It's quite an addictive site (!) so yes the same people do return, and do strike up conversations and get to 'know' each others' virtual personalities. But I would add that everyone, seriously, finds themselves posting and not getting answered. I thought it was me, for ages, but apparently it's not (or it is, but the same thing happens to others IYKWIM).

Sunlounger, please do keep posting if you would like to. If there's a bar open, drop in there too as they are always very welcoming. HTH.

Original poster
Sunlounger · 24/05/2004 18:56

It just always seems to be the same people chatting surely the point is to welcome other mothers. At the weekend a girl posted a message saying she had a suspected miscarriage and NOONE answered her not in the time I was on-line.
p.s I meant cliquey I think

OP posts:
vict17 · 24/05/2004 18:57

I'm fairly new but everyone has been very friendly and given me lots of advice...

hercules · 24/05/2004 18:57

Sometimes it's quiet ans sometimes the people on have no experience of what you're saying. I think we all get "ignored" at times but dont take it personally as it isnt meant that way. I agree you just have to throw yourself in and dont worry if not all your posts get huge responses.

hercules · 24/05/2004 18:58

weekends can be very quiet and it depends on the title and subject of the thread. I only look if i think I can relate to it.

Tinker · 24/05/2004 18:59

I'm always "talking" to myself on here Sunlounger. Don't think people mean to be rude, just get stuck in.

beansprout · 24/05/2004 18:59

I take your point SL and I got paranoid about my seeming ability to kill off threads when I first got involved only a few months ago.

I think any large group of people (work, socially, in-laws) etc who all seem to know each other quite well can be daunting at first but that said, there is some really great support on this site and if a post is not answered I try to remember that by its nature, this website is full of people balancing children, babies, relationships, work etc etc.

Please hang on in there (here!), I'm sure loads and loads of us feel the same when we first join. Thanks for raising this point though, as I'm sure there are lots of people who feel the same or have felt the same at some point. HTH.

tammybear · 24/05/2004 19:00

Depending on what the topic is, not all mums can help you out. Only if someone's been through that experience, I find, will you get a response. Ive had some posts not answered, but it doesnt stop me from bringing up other topics.

Have you tried the meet-up threads? I went to a meet up once, and I dont speak to the other mums that went much on here, but at least you can give yourself the chance to get to know the other mums.

I dont think Ive made much sense have I? Sorry if I havent!

motherinferior · 24/05/2004 19:00

It's really difficult to know how to get round it though, SL; people post a lot, they get to know each other, they may go to a meetup. And a lot of us do get real support from this site too, it's not just chit-chat.

In many ways I think Tammybear's strategy is the right one. The first time I posted on MN - some remark or other about maternity jeans - it sank like a stone and I thought 'oh sod, that's me given the brush-off then'. Then I started a thread about home birth, and got lots of responses. Then I threw myself - without any introduction (shudder in memory) - into a thread of women all due to have their babies at the same time. It did work.

hercules · 24/05/2004 19:00

You can try bumping yourself at a busier time.

Jimjams · 24/05/2004 19:02

weekends are always quiet though. Anytime I start a thread at the weekend it gets very few replies. Then by the time its Monday am and everyone's back its dropped of the hot topic list.

I think subgroups form- but that's the same in real life as well. I "chat" a lot to the other SN mothers, or NT mothers who join SN threads. I don't have time to read every thread so tend to stick to things like SN, as that holds the most interest to me. We (the SN lot) probably do form a bit of a subgroup (but hopefully aren't too intimidating), and I've noticed others - eg people who tend to post under chat a lot. I do think that's natural- after all groups form in real life, and I think its easier to break into cliques here and become part of it than in real life. I would also like to think that anyone would be welcomed anytime.

Everyone gets ignored at times though!

mummysurfer · 24/05/2004 19:02

i think it depends on your 'topic'
some topics are more chatty than others but you find genereally that if you ask a question you get an answer (altho' not always - this can be becos not many are on-line, or thoses who are have no advice to give)
i can't comment about the miscarriage ? at the weekend as i didn't see it

twiglett · 24/05/2004 19:03

message withdrawn

tammybear · 24/05/2004 19:03

You could do a members profile for yourself, and say where you are, how old you are, how old your kids are etc. just so people have an idea of who you are, and can start chatting to you through there.

thats another idea

i wouldnt say i know anyone on here particularly well to call a friend, but it is nice to get advice from the other mums

Original poster
Sunlounger · 24/05/2004 19:04

Ok, I'll keep trying then, it's just that if people are friends already it would be good to actively involve others too, but maybe this thread will help!!!

OP posts:
LeftOut · 24/05/2004 19:04

I've been coming on to MN for over a year now and have changed my name 3 times because it just seemed so hard to be 'accepted'.

Flip · 24/05/2004 19:07

You can boost the active to 50!! How??

I echo that weekends are quiet. During the day things move quickly because people are doing it on works time. Tea time is usually quiet because of the needs to feed, bath and bed. Then the bar get's going and everyone welcome. I've only been here a few months and I don't feel pushed out. I even went to my first meetup on Friday.

beansprout · 24/05/2004 19:08

Blimey - this thread is currently more popular than the bar!! Howzat?!!

LeftOut · 24/05/2004 19:09

obviously SL hit a nerve

tammybear · 24/05/2004 19:10

I agree with Jimjams, a lot of people tend to stick to certain topics. Im always looking at lone parents, relationships, other subjects and chat topics. My threads dont always get replies, but the others have a point, that sometimes it is busier on here at certain times. I always find after 9pm, its really busy on here. You just have to keep trying sunlounger, and just hang in there. Ive only been on here a month myself. Would you want to do a meet up with mums from here?

coppertop · 24/05/2004 19:12

The 'miscarriage' thread was posted at a weekend. The title asked about a 'show' which I've never had (induced labour both times) so I only looked at it later. It gets difficult now that there are so many topic headings. I have no experience of life as a lone parent so tend not to venture into that topic. Others obviously think the same way so those threads probably don't get the same response.

You will always find people who you get on better with. They may have a similar life to you (in my case, an SN child) or you may have a similar sense of humour. FWIW I try to lure newbies into the bar in the evenings when I can. Some choose to come in. Others don't.

Original poster
Sunlounger · 24/05/2004 19:12

I'm glad this has got everyone talking! TammyBear, thanks do you mean a meet up on-line??

OP posts:
maisystar · 24/05/2004 19:14

flip, someone will probably beat me to this but.....when you click on active conversations, at the top in the address box thing is a 25, delete it, put in 50 then click go. that should do it. am very proud of self now