Swagger Inn: Thread 99 - European Wenches Unite in Filth and Debauchery

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

As you were. Please wash your HBFs before entering the tavern. We have a Health and Safety inspection later this week.

Shit Bads that's crap. And expensive , ...Pity there's no NHS dentists left, but that's where capitalism gets you - you stick to your socialist guns

Tom's magnetic crotch trousers has left me rather swimmy headed.

Wicked what did you google in the first place? I'm trying to picture you one sunny evening, sat in your lovely garden, typing Musketeer Perverts into Google.....it could have gone so much worse for you love

BabyElk is now ToddlerElk and [proud]

Oh, and Moooooorrrrninnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg Fuckkkeerrzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(I don't do that quite like Nor, do I? )

Oh, and flounce at will Mouse, as long as you come back her and give us a full blow by blow report

And sadly and regrettably I will have to step down as Secretary . I have been honoured to serve and take minutes for the last few months. despite it being mind numbingly boring and have had some wonderful moments laughing at you lot. I will miss being Secretary like fuck will I and wish my successor well as she rises to the mammoth task of transcribing your tedious witterings. And I will be sending her a much needed bottle of Scotch

And your event planning leaves a lot to be desired.

(And I will be dressed like that

Bottle of scotch for the bunch of morons and imbeciles!!

It's fucking epic mouse.
Toddler elk!? Noooo. She can't be! Not already!

Excellent gif there too Madame, - just what I needed!

for Baddz re the root canal, that's thoroughly shit.

Awwww at ToddlerElk Adorable!

Well, I've bought some food for work but none for home so will have to psyche myself up to do that tomorrow.

Nothing to report really. Just putting off getting on with some work.

[valium] for Elk re. ToddlerElk; [tether] for ToddlerElk

Mouse - you need a proper swishy cape or frock coat.

FMPaperwork, it's really tedious....

Oh elk babymouse is also no longer babymouse. He's 18 months old.

What do we call them now? Toddlermouse/elk the younger and toddlermouse/elk the older?

Cwtches for wenches with dental issues and paper work. And any having to deal with imbeciles.

'I bid you adieu, mammies'.

And then I fling open the door and I will be backlit by lightning and I put on my top hat as I step into a gas lamp lit street. And I scatter the urchins as I descend into the street with my cane.

For some reason it's turned into Victorian London, but I think it works.

And the mammies swoon and faint and I go off and shag Richard Armitage from North and South.

Mouse for some reason I am now picturing you as Scrooge in 'The Muppets Christmas Carol' . Sorry

Pollen count is through the roof (technical term) here today. Eyes are very itchy. FME. FMH.

That's exactly what was in my head cin.
I am just like Michael Caine but y'know younger, smaller, female and indian. so not at all like him

'And never more darken my doorway with your presence and raffle tickets and inane requests to attend pampered chef parties.
Oh and let Caroline know, her flapjacks are a trifle dry'

mouse

I haven't stepped out the dorr since feeding the chickens this morning at 6:30, so I have no idea what it's like out there, except it looks nice so I should probably have washing out on the line - or at least in the machine. FMLackOfDomesticSkills

Mouse - I think most dramatic situations work better if transposed into Victorian London. It will be one of the main features of time travel, when it's eventually invented.

Cinn - commiserations re hayfever. I'm so glad I'm not a sufferer - it'd be awful here.

I've had a cup of tea and pootled about online so haven't actually got any work done yet. Better get on.

2 loads on line, 1 in washer.
Have hoovered Downstairs.
Bank, dentist, chemists, co op....
Just watching tennis at queens....verdasco is playing don't mind if I do

On that note, I'm stopping work because DH has pointed out that nice weather means I need to talk to the bees.... (and get dressed - the perks of working from home )

'Oh and one more thing before I go forth into the street and shag Richard armitage senseless. Getting us to buy bottles for the bottle stall and selling them for less than we paid is financial idiocy'.

This feels very cathartic.

helen I have a backlog of laundry to do. And I'm sat here watching despicable me and mentally embroidering my steampunk fantasy and mumsnetting.

Mavis as above about procrastinating.

And comiserations on the hayfever cin. It's grey and damp here so pollen is a little lower

YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS TOM IS BLOODY MARVELLOUS

At work. Bet it's good Elk. It is a 5 part series. So hopefully TB will be in all 5 episodes.

Of course he will, he's the main character! Oh my word, he's wonderful.

Best play i've ever listened to on the radio

ooooooOOOOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOOOooooOOoooooof

MOUSE looky at this really do. fuck me sideways you absolutely really must. Like, RIGHT NOW.

AM loving your victorian villain swishing off into the night thing. And I would love to hold your weapon.

The Toddler is no longer a toddler anymore. He is Smallest Boy now.