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Original poster

if you learn anything from my DH's death, let it be this.

139 replies

Yorkiegirl · 27/10/2006 19:05

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JoolsToo · 27/10/2006 19:07

Very wise and useful advice Yorkiegirl.

I remember reading an article a few years ago entitled 'No ring, no rights'. A lot of people are under the misapprehension that there is 'common law' in relationships and it just isn't so.

NotQuiteCockney · 27/10/2006 19:08

It's really good of you to be thinking of other people with this.

Cappuccino · 27/10/2006 19:09

I hope lots of people get married next weekend as a result

you're a star for thinking about others when you're dealing with all this

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 27/10/2006 19:10

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Cappuccino · 27/10/2006 19:13

I think you're right that a lot of people think you need the whole dress and the fuss, when you don't

dh's sister's dp is a bit older than her, the house is in his name and they have 2 kids. dh hopes and prays that they have secretly married and have a certificate tucked away somewhere, but sadly believes that they haven't

MorticiaRed · 27/10/2006 19:14

As others have said, Yorkiegirl, it's so thoughtful of you to be posting this. A friend of a friend was recently widowed, aged just 36. Her DH had not made a will and there have been a few problems. This is something my DH and I are now looking into and I would urge others to do so. Take care, YG. xx

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 27/10/2006 19:14

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FioFio · 27/10/2006 19:15

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Naughtynoonoo · 27/10/2006 19:16

I hope all you unmarried mums print this good advise out and show it to your partners, if I wasn't married I would certainly be chasing my other half down the isle. Again echoing on others YG - you are very thoughtful thinking of others and offering them this great advice, from what I have read on other posts (bit of a lurker tbh) you sound like one remarkable lady.

southeastastra · 27/10/2006 19:16

oh yg. my dp and i have been together 17 years and still not married or willed. will do it

Cappuccino · 27/10/2006 19:16

they're not too far from you - you could drive past their house with a car with a loudspeaker on

TrickOrTref · 27/10/2006 19:16

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zephyrHellcat · 27/10/2006 19:16

Yorkie thank you for posting this. It's something I have worried about ever since we had dd1 almost 5 years ago but dp thinks a wedding has to be thousands of pounds - even though I 've told him I wouldn't mind a shed!!

On reading this I've just told him that we have to get married and read your post out to him so he said ok and hopefully will take it a little more seriously now. I'm really not bothered about getting married but as you point out - it's the right thing to do for the sake of the children's future.

Thank you.

sideways · 27/10/2006 19:17

It's very thoughtful of you to post this and think of others at a time like this YG.

It's a shame, though, that people have to get married when they don't necessarily want to (for whatever reason), just so they can get the benefits they should be entitled to anyway. Co-habiting parents with children should have the same status as married parents.

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 27/10/2006 19:18

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wanderingstar · 27/10/2006 19:19

Yorkiegirl, you're a truly generous person to think of advising others at this time. I hope you find a way to come to terms with all you've been through.

mamamaaargh · 27/10/2006 19:19

Thanks, Yorkiegirl. I have no idea how you are managing to think of everyone else when you have so much to worry about yourself. I had never thought of marriage like that & I am sure most people hadn't. And, MorticiaRed - you really reminded me, I MUST do my will. It's sitting in a pile of stuff waiting to be completed and has been there for 9 months. That's no good to anyone, is it?

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 27/10/2006 19:19

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Wilbur · 27/10/2006 19:20

That was a tremendously clear-sighted post, yorkiegirl - you are being amazing. I have friends who married last year after 2 children and fifteen years of being together for precisely the reasons you put forward. And I feel for you with the paperwork, I know how long it took my sister and I to finalise my father's very straightforward estate, so I can only imagine what you must have to do, and the feelings it must bring. Take care xxx.

Lilliput · 27/10/2006 19:20

Yorkiegirl you really are an inspiration! I hope you and the girls had a good time at centreparcs, I think you went about the same time as me!

Greensleeves · 27/10/2006 19:22

You're an amazing woman YG, it's really kind of you to have thought of others like this. It's blown my mind actually

zephyrHellcat · 27/10/2006 19:22

Yorkie dp has just told me to arrange it .

Thank you again for pointing out how important this is because of the implications of not being married.... totally agree with sideways that it's ridiculous that you can't legally be a 'couple' if you aren't married.

Mellowma · 27/10/2006 19:23

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DelGhoul · 27/10/2006 19:23

Yorkiegirl is right, the amount of papaerwork is unbelievable. I'm convinced that's wht I hate hate hate doing paperwork now because of the amount needed when my dh died. I used to be good before. Goodness knows what it must be like for those who aren't married.

jabberthefriendlyghost · 27/10/2006 19:23

Yorkiegirl, it is very generous of you to think of posting about this. It is something that I have thought of often after the sudden death of a friend's husband.

The thing is, even though they had been together for 15 years, they were only married for a year or just under. We live in the US, and he had been in the military. If they had been married just a bit longer, she would have been entitled to his military pension benefits as well as healthcare (a huge thing over here, as you all probably know). Also, he did not leave a will and had five children by a previous marriage. She has now lost her home, everything they had money-wise is in turmoil as she is only entitled to a child's portion of the estate - i.e. a sixth. It is a horrible, horrible situation. If they had only married a few years earlier, most of this would not be happening. With marriage and a will, none of it would be happening.

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