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Original poster

csa, income support ,i dont understand help!

96 replies

nikcola · 19/04/2004 14:02

i have split with my dp (dds dad) he has moved back in his mom and dad, i have had to give up work and i have made a claim for income supoport and i got a letter this monning from csa and they are coming to see me on wednesday,
i stupidly put on the form that he (dp) was not her dad becauase i didnt want him to pay maintenence through csa i want him to buy stuff for dd each month i.e nappies clothes and stuff that she needs and i cant afford, wot do i say to them will they let us do it this way or will they insist that he gives me money via them (csa) beacause if we do it through them i will lose out from my income support i heard that what ever he gives me for dd they will take it off me through my income support, any acvice greatfully received (used to be shireensmom)

OP posts:
maisystar · 19/04/2004 14:41

im sure your still entitled to help.

is your ex going to have contact with your daughter?

Nutcracker · 19/04/2004 14:42

I think if you tell them that you are scared of his family they will understand and be cool about it. After all you haven't actually had any money off them or anything.

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 14:44

i dont think they no where i live im going to tell the woman from csa to make sure that any letters they write to him dint have my address on them i think ill give my old social worker a ring and get her to pop round for a chat, its just that if the csa hassle him his momw will find out then she will start on me, write now i really wish i didnt no who her dad is, his mom thinks im allready stopping him from getting married (read the other thread "its me again sorry"

OP posts:
maisystar · 19/04/2004 14:44

the reason i asked is that i think if there are extreme circumstnces the csa will not pursue the father for maintainance if you would rather not have it.

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 14:47

maisystar, he said he still wants to see her but she is not going round there, my mom had warned me that he might be leading me on and that they might take her to pakistan and ill never be able to get her back thats what im most wirried about

OP posts:
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:48

Bastard - I think he deserves to pay - you really should report her to someone - has she said she will hurt you or was this learnt through him??

Nutcracker · 19/04/2004 14:51

Actually i was going to suggest that he didn't have unsupervised access to her if you thought he might take her with him to Pakistan. Didn't want to offend though.
Could you perhaps get some advice from the CAB.
Could you stay with your parents for a while.

maisystar · 19/04/2004 14:51

nikcola, do you want him to see her, do you think its in her best interests? it must be so hard..

Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:52

Maybe you should go and see a solicitor - but I agree - never ever let him take her out of your sight!!

Is he on the birth certificate or does he have parental responsibility or anything like that!!

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 14:54

i have never actuall spoke to her or meet her he told me what she said and this was when we where still together, he is coming round tonite to see dd i will have to ask him for money wich i hate doing, if i find out that she has found out about the csa thing i no she will get someone i.e one if his brothers to come and have a word with me i will ring the police, im going to borrow some money off my mom again and get a new fromt door mine doesnt make me feel safe you could blow it down !

OP posts:
Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 14:57

yeh his name is on her birth cetificate but she hasnt got a passport, i still belive that he wouldnt do that to me i just dont trust his family if they can forse him into getting married they could force him in to taking dd away from me , i want dd to see him she addores him i just dont trust his mom

OP posts:
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:58

I really think you need to report this to someone - you shouldn't have to go through it on your own - do you have a social worker or a health visitor who could advise you??

And don't ever worry about asking him for money - he is left with £500 even after paying his mother and if he is fool enough to give her £800 that is his problem - you need it far more than him and he has a responsibility no matter what is happening in his life!!

Twinkie · 19/04/2004 15:00

All he needs to do is get a copy of her birth certificate and he can apply for a passport - it may be an idea for you to do it and to also advice the passport office that under no circumstances is he to be issued with one.

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:00

he is gpong to pakistan the middle of june i might go and sat with my aunt im birmingham for the month he doesnt no where she lives

OP posts:
Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:01

ill aply for a paasport for her but i cant afford it at the moment ill have to boroww money again

OP posts:
Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:02

nuctcracker are u splitting with your dp

OP posts:
Nutcracker · 19/04/2004 15:03

That is a good idea Nikcola and i also agree with Twinkie about getting dd a passport.

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:03

dps mom isnt back from pakistan yet shes back next wed then the sh*t is really gonna hit the fan

OP posts:
maisystar · 19/04/2004 15:04

i would explain these circumstances to csa and see what they say.

also agree about seeing a social worker.

have you thought about keeping a diary of all contact and things said , a friend had to do this and it proved invaluble later.

Nutcracker · 19/04/2004 15:05

Good question Nikcola
Yes i think i am. I'm very worried about money though. Aside from food and stuff i have to pay 88 quid loan every month and i don't want to fall behind with it as i'm surprised i was ever allowed to have one.

Were you getting WFTC ???

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:06

if i do get dd apassport ill have to give it too my dad to look after dp is scared of him then he will never get hold of it,

this makes dp seem so nasty but its me that kicked him out because of the marrage thing he aint really that bad its his family i really hate them of depriving my dd of a dad

OP posts:
maisystar · 19/04/2004 15:06

have got to go pick ds up from school but i hope your ok nikcola

Original poster
nikcola · 19/04/2004 15:08

nc, i was getting wftc yes but not for long i was only working for 3 months how the hell do they expect u to live off £85 a week how many kids do u have ?
maisystar i keep a diary any way i have done for years so maybee it will come in usefull now!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 15:09

No Nicola - he is as bad as them - he is a grown up and has responsibilities - he is doing the easy thing as not to take shit from his family at the expense of his daughter - one day his family will all be dead and he will have his daughter to answer to - maybe his choice will seem a little wrong then.

Please don't absolve him - it seems he has chosen their love and security and support over that of you and your daughter - a weak pathetic man IMO!!

Nutcracker · 19/04/2004 15:09

I am abit confused Nikcola. If you hadn't kicked him out what was going to happen about the marriage ??? Was he going to tell his mom that he didn't want to get married ??