This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

Yes, I had an icident less serious with a GP_ a locum again, went to discuss losing weight (I was already underweight), he did a chest / breast exam. I just didn't have the confidence to speak up BUT that one doesn't hurta s much as he was discharged from duty soon after and he was clearly a loon- kept saying 'only way to lose weight is eat rabbit food and cardboard'

Okkaaaaaay

puddle you're spot on! It was me and another girl who hung around older men. like you say we thought they were so cool etc. risking making cheap psychology I think we were both looking for a father figure, actually I am sure of it.

Anyway, she had it far worse than me. She got pregnant while having a fling with one of them and he turned nasty accusing her of wanting to trap him (he wasn't much of a catch trust me). He did not want to have nothing to do with her, and she had an abortion alone.

like you I moved away... as far away as I could - I've changed country - and felt I could start again - to be the assertive and self confident person I was before that. I think it saved me, psychologically.

My friend stayed. Found a good guy who loved her but she was too f*ed up by then and the relation turned nasty. She became anorexic, to wait 4 stone and dying, dropped out of uni (and bright she was) etc.

She's better now, I'm not sure how much though, and it took 10 years.

UM I am talking about it on this thread because I think now it was abuse. We were all under age - these men were much older and the relationships were so unequal in every way.

These women - they are like my sisters, I am still close to them. But I can't talk to them about it - I have tried but I think it's too hard for them to acknowledge it.

forgot to thank VVVQ for opening the subject. [hugs]

I've got a DD now and I wish I could give her all the confidence she needs to stand for herself. But not sure if that's possible.

But I'll try my best to avoid child abuse and i am off to buy that book that someone suggested earlier on. She needs to know that she does not have to please to be loved!!!!

love to you all.

Me - sexually assaulted by a family member over several years, starting when I was 8.

Unreported and will stay that way. The only other person who knows is a counsellor I saw several years ago.

Not raped as such but my first sexual 'partner' was when I was 15 and he was 37. I certainly didn't enjoy it which fact certainly didn't see to bother him . But yes, I suppose I consented by default as I didn't actually say no. Almost too overawed by this gorgeous older man to say bloody anything.

Andrea Dworkin said that all sexual intercourse is by it's nature a violent act. Maybe she's right. When it seems to be so hard for men to understand or act upon the fact that the word 'no' means no at whatever point it's spoken.

Just come back to this thread after spending sometime away from it as its incrediably difficult to read but wanted to respond to someone further down the thread who said that the feeling of being let down is sometimes much worse than the incident its self.

I found that to be true in my case. There was a witness who saw the end of it, when he was getting off me, and leaving etc. She gave a statement to the police (she was my best friend at the time) but when it came to going to court she didnt turn up. They re-arrangened it for the next day and she still didnt turn up. They dismissed her evidence. Another reason why he got off. After the police had fucked up by losing all the pysical evidence, her word was all I had.

She said it was to hard for her. That she thought that being in a court room was scary. That she was nervous. Umm try being me! Stupid girl.

I hate her more than I hate him. I will never forgive her. Ive seen her a few times since and we chat but I will never trust her, never confide in her, never go out of my way for her.

If he ever has or ever does anything to another women then I will blame her. Irrational probably.

I'm mostly ashamed. I mean, how stupid was I? Carrying on all rat-arsed and out of control. I mean, what did I think was going to be the outcome of getting into a top bunk w/him and fooling around, a chat about the Bible?

Message withdrawn

This thread is so upsetting. I'm finding it hard to read the whole thing.

Wish I had some supportive words to add.

I guess she just didnt realise the consequences and seriousness of what happened. She only thought of her self and didnt think if the bigger picture. Shes never mentioned it since. Hopefully shes ashamed of herself but somehow I doubt it ever crosses her mind.

I mis-judged her badly. She was the one I called when I needed help and that was a mistake in my part!

reading through this thread you can understand how the statistics for child abuse and rape are arrived at-child abuse 1 in 7 I think and the statistic for rape being reported is 1 in 5. (i may bit a bit out on these but I dont think I am a million miles away) I have heard many people scoff at these statistics but this thread tells a different story. whats even sadder is that in addition to the isolation and humiliation that many people feel those that are do come forward are often treated violated further buy an prejudiced legal system.

Tamba - thats awful. Its odd, I hate my FIL more for calling me a liar and it hurts me more than the incidents themselves... he left a phone messege saying about me doing something and said "is she says she didnt, shed be lying like she always does". It rings round my head everyday. We met about 3 times, and he felt I didnt act like id ben raped. This was because me and my now DH had gone to his bedroom to watch a video. While I was there, I had to take off my jeans as they were killing me, but sat under the duvet. I trusted my now DH. But FIL asked one day how far hed got with me, and he said "well, she took her jeans off in my bed the other day" or something. Makes me thinking about it now. If anything, I became more trusting after being raped... well... I put myself out for more in a way to get affection. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Peachyclair - how awful. I also went to a GP when I was 17 because I wanted to go on the pill because I was due to get married - he told me that he had to give me a thorough breast examination. It wasn't until about 10 years later that I realised that it had been totally out of order.

I was beaten and raped 12 years ago.

He had come to my house 'to visit', he came on to me, I tried to make a joke of it, he got angry and started to hit me, then he raped me.

When it was happening I knew I was going to die, I didn't think it, I knew it. All I could think of was "Please don't let my ds find my body in the morning, God please", (Ds was asleep upstairs, dd was sleeping at a friends). I don't remember much more, just flashes.

I must have blacked out, the next thing I remember was the front door closing, I got up and locked it and sat in front of the door hoping and praying that he wouldn't come back. As it got light I ran a bath and scrubbed and scrubbed.

Morning came, ds woke up and I was just so pleased to be alive for him I ?buried? what had happened and tried to carry on as normal. I had a split lip, was bruised all over. I had no family to notice and hiding away from my friends was easy.

Three weeks later I realised I was still throwing up, I went to the Dr, she did a pregnancy test and it was positive, I was so distraught she pressed me to tell her what had a happened, I told her, she examined me, told me that two of my ribs had been broken too. She offered me emergency counseling, I couldn't face it. She asked me about reporting it, again, I couldn't face it. I didn't think I would be believed despite the injuries. I felt stupid because I had let him in to my home, embarrassed that people might find out what he had done to me. I didn't want my children to know what had happened.

I didn't keep the baby, I regretted not having the emergency counseling, in some ways I feel guilty not reporting it but the conviction rate is so bad, why would I have wanted to put myself through a trial and risk my children finding out what had happened? Even if he had been convicted he probably would have only got a three month sentence at best, my sentence lasted for years struggling to come to terms with it.

ONe of teh worst things for me was the bullying I suffered as a result of the abuse.

As my case was reported by a friend (at aged apbout 8-9) some of my oeers knew.

When I went to secondary school word got around. I was then subjected to comments like "whats it like to give your father a BJ?".

I didn't even know what BJ was an acronym for at the time & I certainly didn't know what it meant. I certainly knew what they were referring to though.

I have to say that I can't watch the current NSPCC advert where the dad comes upstiars to find out if the mother is asleep, then goes to the daughter's room... it just brings back bad memories for me. It makes it all too real.

Told dh, but noone else, feel sick

I can't believe how dynamic this thread is. It started off considering 'obvious' rape & sexual abuse. One poster mentions and incident during a routine examination & now more are raising incidents like this.

Don't get me wrong I am not trying to cricise or 'downgrade' any incident. It just demonstrates the spectrum of crimes that we are talking about her. We've got flashers, serial abusers, armed rapes, complete strangers, fathers, DHs, DPs, members of authority/community....

JAN....

I confided in someone who broke that trust and I had many girls at school come up and ask me outright "did "X" rape you then?" The girl I originally confided in starting seeing "X" about 6 months later and maintained that "X" didnt even know who I was.....

As for confronting my father - NEVER.

I was dreading getting summonsed to a death bed scene. My father is dead now & he died suddenly so there was no 'deathbed'.

My mother is asking questions though. I am currently planning to tell her nothing - its too personal & history.

I was also "more than groped, less than raped" by a director of the company I worked for when he ran me home after a function. Didn't tell partner of time, as felt he would have been told about me kissing someone at Christmas party. Eventually told boss and director was made to apologise, just was soo angry as I felt that he felt it was nothing, and saying sorry was a sop to me. So wish now that I had reported it.

Once, "date rape", unreported. Though I can confirm that the 'gentleman' in question walked funny for a week due to a rather deep set of tooth marks in his nether regions.

And only unreported in the police sense. I worked with him and anyone who asked why he was walking like that got the full story from me.

I was 'groomed' at 11 by a family friend (policeman) who went on to assault me. I told my Mother who made sure I was never alone with him again but didn't report him. 18 years later at a family lunch it came out that he had just been convicted of child rape and was now in prison which they all seemed to find hard to believe...So I told them what he had done to me, needless to say stunned silence. My Mother should had reported this guy. Maybe it might have stopped him. I have such regrets that this was not done as he was such a creep. At 13 I was also 'involved' with a guy at the camp I went to who was 31, apart from kissing / fondling it didn't go any further but obviously he was abusing his postion and I was far too naive to realise. My badminton coach also took far too much interest in me but at 14 I was 'old' enough to figure this out and quit the club.

What this has taught me with respect to my own children is that I need to be so incredibly aware of what they are up to / who they are with. I should never have been left alone with these men - who were showing me such inappropriate signs of attention. I know how devious men can be to gain a child's trust and even that of a parents. Hopefully my experience will help in protecting them.

This makes sad reading.

I wonder if anyone knows any resource I can suggest to my freiend, who was just ehre telling me her own experiences? She was badly abused by her stepfather, and even 30+ yeras on, can only taklk to a very few men. She has had two bad, abusive marriages and does a fnatastic job raising her 5 kids but because of potential for a relationship with a very nice man, it has all started to come out, and she is very low indeed- obviously depressed, not seeinmg people, nto eating, the lot. She won't talk to her GP or anyone face to face. Are there any books she could read (of the self help variety rather than the child called it type) or e-mail counsellors / survivors groups? She ahs bottled this for years, and wants some kind of tool kit to deal with it, I guess.