Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
TenaLady · 08/09/2006 11:32

Yes hang on in there gal, we are all routing for you. x

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/09/2006 11:44

Kelly - I just think it's so crap that you've been trying to get some support and now it's come to this. Why does it have to come to crisis before action is taken?

Hope it all gets sorted out really soon.

gothicmama · 08/09/2006 11:56

tbh if there was a strategy meeting which there should have been teh police would have been involved from the start - It may be they are covering all angles to assess what has happenned try to look on teh positive that now you may get help although that does not help you now- have you been given teh name of a social worker to contact for you if youhave contatc them and explain how you feel

frumpygrumpy · 08/09/2006 12:55

Kelly, its awful to hear that they are telling you one thing and then changing it. You are on your own with 4 children and 2 of them are v young and the same age! You need to know where you stand so you can plan each stage of your day.

Did talking to your mum help in anyway? I know you're not that close but would she be able to help in the short term? Could DP take the DTs and leave you with DS1 and DD? Or would you rather have them all with you (I probably would, when one of your brood is in trouble you kind of want to close circles).

You MUST get some food into your body. Try a plain biscuit or some toast, just a few bites every half hour. Your body will not know where it is without food, its timetable will be disrupted which means it will be unable to sleep. Its catch 22. You need to keep eating and sleeping so you have patience to deal with this list of people, they will piss you off and you need to stand strong and show them your best. As someone said earlier when they say jump you ask how high and then jump 4 foot higher. YOU NEED TO EAT AND SLEEP TO BE ONE STEP AHEAD. Not eating is giving up, and chuck the fags, you don't need lung cancer on top of all this.

Love to you and the cash in the post offer still stands x.

Beetroot · 08/09/2006 13:03

Kelly. where are you? Can anyone of us come adn support you? At least do some cooking or sit with the kids while you have a sleep or jsut be there to chat adn support?

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 08/09/2006 14:17

you are all wonderful and I really appreciate the support. If it wasn't for mn I would be going loopy sittign here alone.

We're back from the gps. the dts are napping and the older two are in the garden. The medical checks were all fine and so dd and the dts have been declared healthy. This is a big relief from me, as dd is older and so has a normal amount of rough and tumble bruises and I was dreading that they would want to check that and we would have to do the hospital thing all over again.

I am trying to sort out some help for me too. All the ss care about is the kids, they aren't at all interested in how this is affecting me so long as I am fit to look after the children, whereas I need help for ME too to cope with all this. The HV is comign in a while and I did speak to the GP and have been prescribed a few sleepign tablets to get me through the next week. They are looking into some childminding for me to have a break at the weekend. I need to spend some time with dp and talk about all this with him too. I've been given soem mong and thepla by his family so will try to eat later 2n. I haven't been sick since this morn so it seems to be improving. The gp thinks it is stress rather than a bug.

The kids are fine. I'm jsut trying to keep everything as normal as I can for them, but it is really hard. dd will be back at school on mon. Then I have to face the mums at the school gate. I was supposed to be runnign a mother and toddler group with two of them this morn. Nobody has called me and I couldn't let them know, as their numbers are on the laptop which went into repair. So god knows what is happening htere.

we are also having probs getting dp a solicitor. A few have said they don't deal with this, and a good one that was recomended say they can't help unless it actually goes to court. The one that gave a quote said they couldn't help in the end, they don't deal with child protection issues.

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 08/09/2006 14:24

Kelly, try searching your postcode on here . If there is one near you, call them and tell them you have been told to telephone as an emergency case by a friend who used to work as an Organiser at HomeStart in Sedgemoor (ie me).

They help the Mum, on the idea that it filters down to the kids, so much more sensible!

Thinking of you

X

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/09/2006 14:25

Find a solicitor here Kelly. Put in where you live and the area of law.

Please eat a little bit. I'm sick when I'm stressed, try a bit of fruit or a bowl of cereal.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 08/09/2006 14:35

I am expecting the HV any minute but will do that as soon as she leaves, thank you.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 08/09/2006 14:45

Glad you are feeling a little better, Kelly, at least physically. Hope you will be able to eat something soon. Great news about dd and the twins being given the all clear by the GP. That must be a big relief. Hope the HV is supportive.

Blu · 08/09/2006 14:50

Beety - Kelly is in Ascot.

Beetroot · 08/09/2006 15:13

Thanks Blu..nowhere near me then

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 08/09/2006 16:24

hv has gone, jsut to quickly say I have spokent o a solictor, so had legal advice, and that is sorted. They don't need to take any further action atm, but now have allt he info and will be ther when needed.

The hv was lovely, they are sorting me out with a nursery nurse (who I already know) to come round a few times in the week, and will be an ear for me, and someone to play with the kids while I get jobs done etc.

Things are slowly looking better. The sol thinks that the eventual outcome will be taht all four are likely to be placed on the child proctection register and we will all be given more support, and so hopefully that will mean that ds gets soem sort of dx out of this and mroe help too. I feel sad that they would think that the children are at risk, but it will be positive that we get help, espec for ds.

the hv actually saw one of ds's blanking out patterns, which is really good, because I have been trying to explain these to health professionals for a long time. She thinks it may be some sort of epilepsy. So that is something else to look into.

I'm jsut wondering a bit how on earth I am going to cope with all that this involves - lots of hosp appointments etc, but will have to demand help with this if it isn't offered. physically it is a nightmare. taking them to the drs today was a nightmare, it isn't acessible with a pram, so I had the dts runnign riot and trying to escape. I simply can't do things like this alone, I need another pair of hands.

OP posts:
saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/09/2006 16:31

Kelly...

Solicitor - good
HV - good, extra help, marvellous.

Now - go eat

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 08/09/2006 16:33

lol. Ive stopped feeling sick. I'm gonna eat once the kids go to bed.

still alot to sort.shud be gettign a childminder tomo for dd and ds, and the dts will go to dp's aunt which will give us a bit of time together and then he can see the dts.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 08/09/2006 17:09

So glad things are looking up, Kelly.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 08/09/2006 17:10

Stillt hink about homestart OK? They're for you then, proper support (and Homestart are a helpful organisation AND carry lots of weight with SS, more than you'd imagine...)

really glad you're doing better Kelly, make sure when you eat it's something nutritios OK?

mummyhill · 08/09/2006 19:16

We have a homestart volunteer and she is ace. They have been so supportive and are helping me rebuild my self esteem.

When my children are both at school I will be seeing if I can get on one of their courses as a volunteer.

Megglevache · 08/09/2006 20:32

Message withdrawn

edam · 08/09/2006 20:38

Hey Kelly, glad things are looking a bit more positive.

I have heard of children being put on the register because they have a sibling with SEN (ie risk of being hit) so you aren't alone.

Vindaloo · 08/09/2006 21:11

Kelly I am so sorry to read what you are going through, I just want to say say I am thinking of you and your family.

I dont think you have said that you have eaten yet, so please please make sure you eat, I know its hard but you have to try and restore some strength for yourself.

XX

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 08/09/2006 21:14

I have eaten a bit, jsut a little while ago. feel sick tbh, but fighting to keep it down.

I will consider homestart. I know what how good they are, I had a volunteer years ago, when I left exh and was on my own with dd and newborn ds! Atm it looks like I am going to get help from ss and from the hv so I don't want to look like I am falling apart and grabbign at everything. I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 08/09/2006 21:38

Well done for getting through today, Kelly. You're handling this like a true star. Your kids are v lucky. Hope dinner stays down and you get a good nights sleep. Will you get some child care tomorrow so that you can get some time with dp?

CJinSussex · 08/09/2006 22:37

Not out of the woods but it is much more positive than yesterday. You are doing brilliantly! Hope you get some help with children tomorrow and through next week. Keep us posted. Love to all. Night, night.

hairymclary · 08/09/2006 22:56

hi kelly, I'm an oldie with a new name (in case you were wondering)
I just saw this and could not believe it was you! Have just read most of the thread and wanted to say how sorry I am that all of this has happened. A similar thing happened to my aunt a few years ago and I know how gut-wrenching and terrifying it is.

You are being so brave in the face of everything. I really, really hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that it turns out ok.
There are positives that may come from this especially regarding a possible dx for ds and help with some of his problems, and hopefully an improvement with your dp's relationship with the kids.

If I did cyber hugs i'd give you some now!