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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
yorkshirelass79 · 12/09/2006 10:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 10:25

can';t get one. they will help if it goes to court, but not at this stage.

OP posts:
Blu · 12/09/2006 10:28

You talked to a sollicitor who is 'waiting in the wings' didn't you?

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 10:31

yes, we both have sols there if needed.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 12/09/2006 11:02

Oh Kelly- that does sound difficult. Can you ring the social worker and ask what is happening? All this waiting around not knowing what is happening sounds very stressful. Some of it may be inevitable but it wouldn't hurt to ask what is going on- maybe they will know whether this is proceeding to an attempt to bring charges or a caution or nothing, which is still possible.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 12:08

ss don't actually know. I don't think they are too closely involved in that side of it tbh. They said that would be between the drs who examined him, the police and him.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 12/09/2006 14:17

Is there a police liaison person you could ask, then? Or is it difinitely a case of having to wait and see ehat thursday brings? Really hope they will be able to deal this in the way that leaves you guys with the best possible chance of mending things as a family. Anyway, hope today is going ok apart from all this stressful speculation. Is dd back at school?

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 12/09/2006 19:48

Victim Support? After all, you are a victim

gothicmama · 12/09/2006 20:36

the police should have a victim liason officer or someone respondsible for supporting families ('phone the main desk and ask them to put you through)

frumpygrumpy · 12/09/2006 20:53

Hi Kelly. Thats sad that they are going to arrest him. Seems a little over the top. You can't change it though. Is there some way you can find out what happens after that? What will the charge be? Could you start a thread on here asking for advice from any policemen/women?

Keep going without the tablets Kelly, you really don't need them. Don't upset your body more than it needs to be. I would say take them only when you are truly desperate (i.e. after a full week of no sleep at all). I don't want to nag but you can't expect to sleep well if you are not making your body go through the motions of being normal.

When my dd was in hospital at christmas I felt my whole body change gear. I couldn't sleep, I felt sick, food was not required, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, I moved constantly and did everything quickly and with autopilot efficiency. I sat on her bed everynight because she was constantly in need and constantly being tested and monitored. My DP came in in the mornings and brought me some filled pitta breads and a flask of coffee along with huge supplies of crisps and sweets. I couldn't ever stomach the crisps and sweets (surprisingly!!!) but I did force myself to chew and swallow the pitta breads sometime in the morning and sometime in the early evening. It was the opposite of what I wanted to do but I knew I had to do it. To stay in working order.

I had to make myself eat for about 4 weeks before it became pleasurable again. You must do it Kelly or your body will begin to fail and more importantly your brain will suffer. Patience, clarity of thought, the ability to make decisions, perspective, to name just a few will all suffer. These are the things you need right now. Nourish yourself.

And wash your hair please. I showered, put on make up and a full set of clean clothes when dd was in hospital along with a big dollop of perfume. AND MY NAME IS FRUMPYGRUMPY. It all helps, its not vanity its survival.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 22:11

the sw came round again this eve. Just to chat to me and get a whoel overview of the family and our circumstances etc. It wasn't really bad at all, so I'm glad that is one more step that is done.

I'm hardly keeping track of which of my clothes are clean, but I have been doing laundry and my hair is clean! but what is 'perfume'?

I am hoping to stay off the sleeping tablets now. Have two weeks until the conference, prob be jsut wanting one the night before that! I am tryin to eat. Its now also getting chance to eat that is the problem. I will get there. WOn't hurt me to lsoe a bit anyway.

I'm trying not to worry too much abt the police thing. No one knows wt will happen but it doesn't look too bad so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 13/09/2006 11:46

Hi Kelly, when is your DP allowed to come home? Ater Thursday?

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 13/09/2006 12:31

not until after the conference at least which is in two weeks. and then it will prob eb very gradual, so I'm going to be on my own for a long time.
I don't feel too good today. Now got diarrheoa on top of everything else and very shaky.

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 13/09/2006 12:55

Low blood sugar, hun.

frumpygrumpy · 13/09/2006 17:45

Yup, you need to start slowly and build up. Its a perfectly normal reaction but not one to ignore. C'mon Kelly, fight it girl.

ScummyMummy · 13/09/2006 17:59

Hope your stomach has settled through the day, Kelly.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 13/09/2006 18:14

Hi sm thanks for asking after me. I've been shakey all day, but managed to keep a duck wrap down. I went to M&S yest and bought a load of ready meals to try to tempt myself.
I really missing dp now tho

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 13/09/2006 22:33

kelly - have just found this thread and have nothing useful to say - except that having skimmed thru (sorry, desperately need to go to bed too!) you sound like you are coping with a horrendouse situation extremely admirably. if there is anything i can do or say to make it any easier, i would love to do or say it! all my best wishes and hopes for you,
nappies.

NappiesGalore · 13/09/2006 22:34

horrendouse?? wtf? oh, you know what i mean!

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 13/09/2006 22:35

lol. thank you

jsut dreading tomorrow, but hopefully after that it might get easier. Just hoping and praying that they don't cahrge dp.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 13/09/2006 22:42

my fingers will be crossed for you. x.

tracykb · 13/09/2006 22:53

Kelly

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I just wanted to say that you sound like an incredibly strong person in the way you have been dealing with this awful situation. I hope things start getting better for you all very soon. Thinking of you. xxx

MarsLady · 13/09/2006 22:57

Thinking of you kelly.

I'm glad that you managed to eat something today. Keep going honey. Little and often if you can manage it.

Will check in again tomorrow. Sorry not to post more, but half way through my essay (hurrah!) only 2,247 words to go... (not so yea!)

Much love and prayers babe!

hovely · 13/09/2006 23:10

good luck re tomorrow
hope there is an end to it all soon and that you can start working on the future together
xx

mumandlovingit · 14/09/2006 08:06

been following your thread but to be honest, there's nothing i can really say or advice to help so i havent posted so far.
it's awful what you're going through but stay strong, you'll get through it all and once things have been sorted out and you can rebuild your family again you'll come out even stronger at the end of it and any issues there might have been can be resolved.
you know the truth, your dp knows the truth and the truth will come out in the end, it always does.remember that and stay strong.your children need their mum through all this.
thinking of you