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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 21:17

I saw that yesterday. I was thinking similar things. I do often wonder about these people on these programns if they need more help than just supernanny and how it is that ss don't go tearing round the door.

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Blu · 11/09/2006 21:29

I agree, Kelly. Buut i suppose IF Supernanny gives them the LASTING sustainable techniques to manage without struggle, then it may be ok.

I remember my Mum throwing my baby sister down on the bed, after nights and nights of no sleep, and another night I watched through the bannisters as she thrust my screaming sister at my dad saying 'take this baby off me now, take her off me' clearly knowing that she was in danger of losing control. My Mum is kind and patient and loved us all to the end of her soul, but she rough-handled my sister in desparation . And still feels terrible about it - she talks about it now. that's why i say if your DH can deal with this honestly, and not pretend there is no problem, you will be ok. I hope he can.

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 21:36

Kelly, I would ditch the sleeping tablets. You are a mother of four and you WILL BE TIRED. You must get on top of eating and sleeping and they go hand in hand. Two bites is fine but you need to then have another two bites 20 minutes later. Even if you hate what you are eating and how it tastes, eat it anyway. Soup would be great, warm and nourishing. My DP works away all week as you know, and I regularly don't eat in the evenings because I hate eating alone and don't make the effort cooking for one. But i always make myself have something. Usually weetabix in bed or cereal or soup or toast because I sleep better with something in there.

DO IT. Treat yourself as if you were a friend. What would you make her do?

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND COOK!!!! I HAVEN'T SHAVED MY LEGS!!!

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 21:45

Blu, he is admittign there is a problem, but he is deeply private as a person, so gettign him to open up to others won't be as easy. He has said he will be totally honest with ss, but he will hate them askign all the questions and I'm not sure how he will deal with it.

fg, shame on you! I'm like you, hate eating alone. When I go shopping next I will get soem ready meals (shudder) and maybe that will help. I made bean lasagne for the kids, and it is sitting in the fridge, but I jsut can't face it without dp. I will try harder tomo.

it must have been you who recomended that book to mars? what is it that he says about sleeping patterns?

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frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 21:59

I really only dipped into the bit I needed but he explains that the body needs the same things to happen at roughly the same time each day in order for it to recognise what it should be doing. If you are taking sleeping tablets and not eating something regularly then you are compounding the problem. Your body will be confused and, tired as you know you are, it won't have had the signals that it needs to wind down and relax.

It has been good reading for me and, even though its sorely loved in this house, I would be delighted to bung it in the post to you.

MarsLady · 11/09/2006 22:02

Will just see if I can find the chapter. Just about to pop the book in the post (well ok an envelope.... to go tomorrow) to another MNer!

But Kelly my angel......... don't make me fail my TMA because you're not eating! I totally agree with FG.... 2 bites now.... I said NOW and then 2 bites in 20 mins.

If I don't post again shortly it's because my client has called and I have to go. Her waters went so it's really exciting..... and means I can come see you soon! And I haven't shaved my legs either!

Blu · 11/09/2006 22:03

Kelly, it's very good that he is agreeing that there is a problem.

Maybe pledging to be open with ss - and carrying it through - will actually help him learn to open up a bit more. ss must be used to dealing with men who are like that - and far more defensive, too.

lOL at FG and her legs!

Blu · 11/09/2006 22:05

Pick at things that don't really feel like food.
Can you have a bowl of things to pick at, graze on without really thinking about it? Nuts, dry cereal, bits of fruit? raisins? glass of milk?

MarsLady · 11/09/2006 22:05

That's a much better idea FG.... bung it in the post to her... along with a tape that yells at her to EAT SOME FOOD!

MarsLady · 11/09/2006 22:05

Time to go! She's called!

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 22:07

I told on you Kelly. It had to be done. Now sling the bean lasagne in the microwave, eat it in bed watching some mindless crap on telly and sleep will follow I promise. I'm off to iron dd a dress for school, make the packed lunch, and make dinner for me. Meet you in there ok? There's an offer I don't give out often .

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 22:08

ooh very exciting, goods lcuk to her!

I haven't shaved neither! Mind you I haven't even washed my hair. we can have a hairy legs convention.

the signals wo wind down and relax, hmmm. I know I need a meal, then sit in front of the box for a bit then I get sleepy. I've spent too many evenings on here in the past few days! Before it was cos I was stressed, now it is because the dts threw the remote control for the sky down the drain so I can't watch anything! It is drying out and some of the buttons work but not enough.

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frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 22:08

Good luck Mars! Bring back the placenta won't you......we can make placenta scones for Kel......

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 22:10

milk, can do that one!

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Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 22:12

ewww now you've put me right off my milk!

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frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 22:13

Right, milk. Build on that, it must be warm and chuck in some hot chocolate powder or horlicks. I believe the warmth of the food helps.

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 22:14

Well I'm warning you, I'm making placenta scones unless you get this sorted.

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 22:16

I really must go. Take care Kelly, drink that warm milk (guzzle it down in one if youhave to) and I wish a good sleep for you honey. Until tomorrow....xxx.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 22:16

hmm I'm afraid it is cold with the kid's crusha in it
I am going to try going to be d soon though. ANd I might even be brave and try to go without the sleepign tablet. Nothing planned for tomorrow, so it shouldn't amtter too mcuh if I don't sleep well.

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Original poster
Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 22:16

goodnight fg xx

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ScummyMummy · 11/09/2006 23:13

You are dealing with this so so so so so so so brilliantly kelly. i'm absolutely in awe, honestly. Agree with everything blu has said about how easy it is to handle children roughly and that honesty about that being the total but difficult key to changing the situation. And also agree with everyone telling you to EEEEAAAATT! Sleep well, you total star.

Overrun · 12/09/2006 08:16

Morning Kelly,
I think I went to bed last night before I saw your replies. Hope that you slept well and that you managed to eat a little bit.
I think the getting them into car seats is the one of the worse things, at least for me at the moment. I did another thread last night (can't do links and don't suppose you feel like looking at many thread atm) Anyway, it was about the repercussions of me struggling to get twins in, older child got fingers shut in door and one of the twins nearly got knocked over.
As you say, we all have our moments, and could probably do with some support and assistance in these areas

MarsLady · 12/09/2006 09:00

Got the placenta fg.... is she eating or should we start making the scones?

Morning Kelly my love. Did you ditch the tablets? Did you get some sleep? Will post and check in later. Gotta drop the DTs off at 9.30 then take myself off to the quiet cafe and study in peace. At least I'm not on call anymore.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 10:15

the police have called dp. he has to go in on thurs morning and they will formally arrest him. I am so worried. THey have said it i8s procedure and nothing to worry about and they won't keep hinm there long, but hwo can we not worry? I guess they are either going to charge him or cauction him, I don't know.
I know dp was wrong to hold him too tight, but he is stressed, and this isn't going to help. I want to work through this, but how can I try to rebuild my family if he is going throught criminal proceedings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 12/09/2006 10:17

i managed without the tamazepan last night, but will prob be on them again now.

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