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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:02

pc thank you for the offer. dp's family are making food I just don't want to eat. I'm really hoping that we will get somewhere in the next few days with ss and that will make me feel better.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:04

Sorry- X posted. Hope this woman is nicer than that. But even if not, I bet you'll find that the vast majority of people would be sympathetic, you know. And you have every reason to hold your head up high. You have been a star over the past few days in circumstances where many would just fold. Do sympathise- i tend to become a bit introverted when times are tough and think that people are thinking the worst. But, obnjectively, I'm probably wrong about that and you probably are too!

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:05

both. I told this oen friend and she was really supportive, and very shocked. I can't cope with all that, the jaw dropping, the wondering what is going on, etc. They don't know dp at all, so they might well wonder.
There are quite a few that even live on this road, and they will have seen the cars comign and going and the kids going back and forth and the fact that dp hasn't been here. So they are going to be asking why too. Most of them know each other quite well, and I imagine they gossip a fair bit anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:08

since we never normally have visitors, it is looking odd when 5/6 people are turnign at odd times and late at night and then leaving an hour later.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:13

Can see that it will be hard if it's a close community like that. I guess you just have to hang onto the fact that you are doing everything you can to handle this situation and sort it in the best way for your family. How many of them could do the same? You know your dp, they don't. You know your ds, they don't. Any negative judging they are doing is on the basis of their own ignorance really, isn't it? But on the other hand, people can often be really sympathetic and supportive when the chips are down. I guess it'll be important not to just assume people are hostile as they might well be lovely and willing to listen or even help out.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:17

I hope you are right. I've only really recently started making friends here and I'm thinking they will all run a mile now!

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:17

You know, I bet not as many people as you think are noticing the extra coming and going. People are v locked in their own little worlds a lot of the time. When you're in the thick of things you feel like the whole world is watching but often only a v v v v small proportion of people have the time or inclination to keep tabs on stuff happening outside their own little lives, ime.

ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:19

Nah! Give yourself and your friends more credit, babe. I reckon that they will take their cue from you- which is a good reason not to hide yourself away.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:20

people are beaky here, they are always hanging around outside their houses, gossipping and stuff and there is a neighbourhood watch scheme. Where we lived before the flat could have exploded and no one would have noticed, this is a lot different.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:24

It is varisble from place to place, isn't it? But even so, not everyone will be part of the beaky culture and some of those that are will be viewing your situation sympathetically, if indeed they have jumped to the right conclusion at all, which they may not have. They may be thinking "Ooo. Kellyfamily have a lot of family visiting this w/e", for example.

ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:25

I must get off this computer now, hon. Hope your day is good. Will try and check in later.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:27

and dissapearing again after only one coffee, lol.
I'm going to have to upfront with them anyway. I have nothing to hide, and I can't start loads of lies to explain why dd been off school etc. most of them know about ds sn so I can just put the emphasis on that part of it and hopefully avoid too much jaw dropping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 10/09/2006 12:28

yeah you have a good day too, thanks for chatting.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 10/09/2006 12:31

Yay! Sounds like you will breeze through after the initial hard bit of coming face to face with people you might need to tell. And you're right, ds's special needs are a good way to explain things. Really must go now. See ya. xxx

mummyhill · 10/09/2006 19:16

I found that once I told one person every one was treating me a bit funny so I went over and asked them if there was a problem. When they said yes I hear youv'e had a visit from SS I then explained exactly what had happened and where we were at that point in time. I also asked them if they could ask me if they wanted to know anything more as I wouold gladly fill them in. By being upfront about it I managed to stop a lot of the gossip. It was tuff but we got through it.

Stay strong AND EAT SOMETHING PLEASE.

tigermoth · 10/09/2006 19:47

mummyhill, that took some strength - what a great attitude you had.

Kelly, I was so sad to see this thread. I don't know all your story, but know you have been a regular on mumsnet for a while. Nothing to add, so glad you have your son at home. Hoping tomorrow brings better news for your family and the black clouds of worry start to go away.

frumpygrumpy · 10/09/2006 21:42

Hi Kelly, haven't managed to get online all weekend and have been desperately wanting to hear how you are. I guess things will pick up again tomorrow. If the mums at the gate aren't full of concern, support or helpful ideas then they're not worth mixing with. Raise your chin and smile through it. Then come and fall apart on here. They may be unsure of whether to ask about it. I'm expecting a list anytime now of exaclty how much care you've taken of yourself today........sleep, food, plenty water, no fags, a bath and maybe some nail varnish????!! It raises the spirits sometimes for me when all else fails. Sleep peacefully xxx.

ScummyMummy · 11/09/2006 10:23

Tnought of you this morning Kelly. Hope the school run was better than you feared.

mellowma · 11/09/2006 10:39

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CheesyFeet · 11/09/2006 11:17

Have just read this Kelly.
Bloody hell, what a nightmare.
I hope you are feeling calmer today and have managed to eat something. Perhaps if you can't face solid food you could try some nutrient drinks?

Thinking of you.

devondoris · 11/09/2006 12:25

Oh Kelly - I've been off MN for a week and have only just read through your thread. I'm so sorry that things have been so awful. You sounded a bit better yesterday though and I hope that stays with you. I hope DP is OK too and coping.

I'm thinking of you all. Lots of love to you all too. I'm much too far away to do anything practical but if there's anything...

Doris xxxx

heavenis · 11/09/2006 13:02

Hi Kelly
How has your morning been. Did you manage the school run ok ?

Overrun · 11/09/2006 14:08

How are things Kelly? Thinking of you and your family

Overrun · 11/09/2006 14:09

Oh Kelly, forgot to mention before but am going into hospital tomorrow for a op, so wont be around for a little while if you want to CAT me

Kelly1978 · 11/09/2006 14:30

This reply has been deleted

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