****Mumsnetter NEEDS a break from her DH, can anyone help??****

[monkeytrousers]

Tamba and her two little ones needs some serious R&R asap. \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=181443\see here}

Lets see what mumsnet can do!

(Hope you don't mind Tamba, I though this might help with the details in thread title)

Hope you are ok today Tamba.

I'm local-ish to you. Have emailed you.

Poor Tamba!! Still here, still thinking of you and praying for you honey!! xxxx

Only just seen this. You have been incredibly strong. Keep posting. It will be ok I promise.

Hey Tamba. Brum is only 15mins on the train from here, let me know if you want to do coffee or anything, I don't know much about the situation and we haven't talked much, but I'm close if you need an outlet, or something to take your mind off things!

Thanks For the emails - I promise I will reply

I havent taken ds1 to nursery again and I really need to sort that out. I just feel like I have no energy, not motervation, I just want to sleep cause my head hurts. I guess getting dressed would have been a good start

Havent seen DH today yet although he text me to say good morning and will be round about half 3 to see the boys for an hour before he goes to work.

Its just all such a mess and my head cant keep up with it. Also stupid little things are upsetting me - like that I cant find any clean socks for the kids- because DH always did the washing and it hadnt occurred to me to do it iyswim.

It is so much harder than I thought it would be.

Dh is here now and is downstairs doing lunch with ds1 (ds2 is sleeping atm)

He is quite upset today as I think he is starting to realise what hes losing iyswim.

He will be having the kids fri afternoon til monday evening - what Am i going to do with myself for all that time!

Hes even shaved and showered before he came over, and has bought me chocolate cake.

Hi Tamba, I posted on your thread about the stag weekend and I think I've realised which thread the missing link is. I feel so bad for you, you've been through some terrible things, but your're doing the right things. Keep those little boys safe and happy

tamba we've not spoken much before but I've just read through this thread and am so sorry for what you're going through. I don't know what the missing link is about, maybe I read it as I invariably do read most things on here but maybe haven't connected the two, but either way be strong and only you can decide what you want from this long-term.

Don't know if this would help, but my ILs have a house in Devon which they rent out for £120 per week, I'm sure if I spoke to them they would let you and the boys stay there though.

WannaBe, feel free to email me, would love to find out more about your in-laws cottage. Thanks

[email protected]

Also noticed I didnt thank NannyMe for her lovely offer

He's being very nice to you for sure, but has he said what he will actively do to save your marriage? Has he volunteered to go for counselling with you? Has he promised to change? Has he defended you against your in-laws? Which reminds me, how are your in-laws taking this? Have you heard from monster-in-law yet?

Have heard nothing at all from the in-laws. It is very strange. My bet is that fil is keeping mil in check although how long that will last I dont know.

Dh has asked me if I am willing to go to marriage counselling with him. With regards to the other stuff, he says he doesnt know why it happens and cant explain it but is willing to go and talk to his doctor as a first step.

He says that he cant promise me he will change as he doesnt know why it happens, he says if he did then he would stop it, but at least hes admitted theres a problem and is going to see the doctor

But even then, I dont know if I can forgive him. Whatever he does now, wont change the past and also maybe I dont want to go back to how things were. I felt trapped and suffocated alot of the time. I met him at 16 and have changed alot since then, maybe I am not the same person I was when I decided dh was what I wanted. Lots of maybes and stuff i need to think through.

He is really making an effort though, he just called me from work again. Hes also not fighting with me over what I want - hes not pushing to get back into the house, hes accepted what ive asked for in terms of calling before he comes over and what times etc.

It would be so much easier for me to think though if he wasnt coming over everyday but the kids love seeing him. DS1 has gone so wierd with him though, climbing all over him and wont leave him alone.

Its just so confusing and I feel very lonely even though if he was still here then he would be at work anyway....

And I am going to the doctors tommorrow to get something for my head. It really hurts still, have never had a migraine thats lasted this long!

Really have to try and get ds into nursery tommorrow too. I just dont have the energy though.

You do need a bit of space by yourself. Would he be willing to have the kids in the house one weekend whilst you go and stay somewhere? You'd have plenty of offers from Mumsnetters so you don't have to worry about not having anywhere to stay!

I think if you did go to counselling, it could help make a break up less traumatic too. It's not just to save marriages that couples go to counselling, it's also to explore how they feel about each other now and what they want to happen next. So I would take up his offer. You can also say that at least you did try, no-one can say that you haven't put 100% effort into this, you have done and are doing so still.

Keep strong!

And ther are no no-go areas in councelling. You can and should reveal everything he has done there..

Hi Tamba!! Still lurking around this thread, checking up on you and all that. You poor poor thing, this is just awful for you. I really do wish there was more I could do or say, wish I could do something to help / cheer you up a little. I live on the South Coast and would be more than happy to have you and your LO's stay if you need a break - or even just you if your DH has your LO's. It (has been) lovely and sunny here and is a nice place to relax. My email address is captain_dippy "at" yahoo "dot" co "dot" uk. Sending you ooooodles of [hugs] xxxx

Thank you :)

Im not very well today, really bad migraine still so all sicky too. Yuk.

Dh will be around at 3ish to see the boys again.

Dippy - I will email you :)

I have arranged to go out both Friday and Sunday night to break up the time im on my own. Saturday and Monday will be spent recovering from said nights out lol

I will actually be glad to see dh today as I am exhausted. Fell asleep on the sofa downstairs earlier at half 9 and have not long woken up It is not a good idea when you have 2 small children.

You poor thing, you must be exhausted! I'll look out for your email, my dear!! [hugs] xxxx

Oh, Tamba you poor thing.
How are you?

Well Dh came round again today to see the kids. He was in a slightly grumpy mood cause hes knackard after being on nights but made an effort.

I didnt take DS1 to school again today. I desperatly need to get out of the house. But I just dont feel like I want too. Kids are going crazy as they have been stuck inside for too long. When Dh is here they are all over him and climbing on him etc which is difficult.

My house is a tip. I had to put the bin bags out tonight, Ive never done it before its nasty! Worth having him back just so I never have to do that again

I having been eating to much crap and look like shit. I dont want to get into comfort eating so will have to stop that. Would help if dh didnt keep buying me chocolate.

I never realised how much DH did around the house! Ive washed up 4 times already today!

Am not crying so much now, I think its cause I know he woud be on nights anyhow iykwim. He will be having DS2 overnight at his moms friday (DS2 sleeping over at my moms) and I have arranged to go out. I dont want to be sat in the house thinking to much.

Its so sad to think that maybe my marriage has coe to an end. I met DH when I was 16 and spent almost a third of my life with him. I forget that he wont be here in the morning and last night left a note out for him like I usually would, just asking how work was etc. I remembered an hour later and got up and put it in the bin.

I want to smile again.

You need to take the children to school - their routine doesn't need any more messing around. Get up in the morning, get yourself a shower and some clean clothes, put some make-up on to make you feel brighter, and leave the house. Ds1 has to go to school; it's unfair to punish him because of the way you are feeling. You need to get out and get some fresh air, and you need to get some decent food inside you as well - you are finding it hard enough to function as it is without making it worse for you by eating crap.

Tell your husband to stop buying you chocolate - he is still trying to treat you as if he is part of the furniture and buying you treats is part of that. It's manipulative and he needs to stop.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to start getting some routine back into your lives and begin to build now for how you want things to be in the future. You need to look after yourself, because otherwise you will be in no fit state to look after your little ones.

I hope things feel a little easier for you tomorrow.

You will smile again sweetheart...

..and probably sooner than you think, is my guess..x

Hi Tamba,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Its shit. But it does sound like your coping amazingly well. I've come out of a long term relationship and come out out the other end in one piece, so all I'll say is although at the moment it probably feels to you like a bottomless pit I assure you that how eer this works out - whether you stay together or or separate for good, you will come out back on top. Your a gorgeous young thing and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Take care of yourself. Huge hugs and I hope your feeling stronger now.

xx

Hi Tamba!! How's it going today?? Thinking of you and sending LOADS of [[hugs]] and xxxxx's.

Hiya, thanks for your messages.

I took DS1 to nursery today!!! Ok so it doesnt sound like much but its the first time ive been out the house in a week, so it was quite a big thing for me. I spoke to his teacher and explained things to her, and she asked if she should allow dh to still pick DS up. I said of course and she seemed surprised - is this not normally what you do?

Have also been into the bank to make an appointment to open a new account. I have an appointment at the CAB on Monday (dh is coming with me)

He is having DS2 over night tonight and ds1 will be going to a sleep over so I will be on my own tonight (although I was asked on a date! which I politely declined - but great for confidence!)

I think DH is realising that I mean what I say as he was a bit off with me yesterday but that also probably because I was in a mood and said something along the lines of "cause you blah blah blah lapdancers blah blah blah Im left here doing all the bloody hard stuff and you just walk away blah blah blah"

It is very lonely on my own though. And I didnt realise how much he actually did around the house.

I still dont know what I want to do with regards to the future, my mind changes all the time which is why I havent made any decisions or promises. I am exhausted though as not been sleeping well and neither have the kids - they miss their daddy. We went and bought him a fathers day gift today which was quite sad. Still no word from the in-laws though - freaks me out tbh. And still no one in RL knows hes moved out apart from my sister who is about as useful as a chocolate tea-pot but still...

I guess I am just wanting to turn back time which is impossible but moving forward seems so hard.

We are going out as a family for the day saturday. We want to keep things as normal as possible for the boys and we want to stay friends too whatever happens.

Oh, Tamba, I know how you feel. It is so hard isn't it?
I haven't been sleeping for over a week now & look like the living dead!
It is so hard accepting that your marraige has come to an end isn't it?
I am up (well not up up, but functioning okish) & down like a blimmin yo-yo atm!
Hope you are ok.xx