****Mumsnetter NEEDS a break from her DH, can anyone help??****

[monkeytrousers]

Tamba and her two little ones needs some serious R&R asap. \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=181443\see here}

Lets see what mumsnet can do!

(Hope you don't mind Tamba, I though this might help with the details in thread title)

Just think toddler taming..are you laways up so early MTPW?

normally disturbed at least once a night and then end up on here, yes!

Have been in a similar situation with my dp and REALLY didn't want him to got to his parents, couldn't talk to mine, etc. etc. We are in Kent we can offer you a few days of bbq-ing and trampolining!

Hes here now.

Ive told him hwes got to go. I cant believe how angry I am with him. Ive told him I want a divorce. I didnt know I was going to say it - it just came out but i think I mean it.

I cant stand the sight of him. He discusts me for everything he has done.

Hes still here though! Ive told him ive gone for a fag and when I get back he should be packing his stuff.

Im all hot and wobberly but dont want to get upset in front of him.

I cant believe this is happening

I cant stop shaking

I feel for you Tamba, stay strong.

Tamba, I completely understand why you are feeling like this but don't do anything rash. Do what you need to get yourself a bit of space and thinking time and then reflect on everything that's happened - ideally, with someone neutral to talk it over with. It's all getting very heated and moving rather fast on here - people do love a drama. This is the rest of your life we are talking about here.

Good luck, m'dear.

Good luck hon x

Hes packed his stuff and gone.

Took the kids with him will bring them back later

hes left his key

I have never been so upset in my life, feel like I cant breath properly iykwim

hugs tamba i dont know what else to say, wish i could help

When youve got time and a clearer head read what Franny says below, it makes sense x x

No advice, Tamba but just wanted to wish you well. xx

Gosh, this has moved on very quickly, hasn't it?

So sorry you're having to go through this, Tamba. This is probably the darkest time. Get this bit behind you and, although there will still be difficult and emotional times ahead, just look at your goal (a happy you who doesn't have to put up with the constant nastiness of his family and happy children) and you will get through it. Good luck.

Good Luck Tamba. Have read these posts and haven’t commented so far as i feel that I probably haven’t anything constructive to add.
I agree about FrannyandZoey’s post. When you have had a break and are calmer, do read it carefully and stop and think about what you truly want. right now you want time and space, as for the future and what is best for your family, get a bit of perspective and space to make an objective decision.
I often worry that threads like this get people so worked up and full of sympathy that the sentiments run away with themselves. It is easy to fire people up and allow a sense of misjustice and anger overtake all perspective. Remeber, people only know the bits you tell them and if you are upset and focussing (rightly and understandably) on the bad bits, people may have a skewed perspective of the true state of your marriage and relationship. Whilst the advice given is genuine and honest, much useful and supportive, it is unlikely that it is objective and definitive in light of the limited picture that we have. I haven’t made that very clear but hope you know what I am getting at :)
Best Wishes, will be thinking of you and your little boy xx

ive only just seen this.
Tamba are you ok?
you did the right thing in staying in your house, its up to him to leave, you have to provide a home for your children.
you now have some breathing space to think logocally about what you want the final outcome to be.

*logically

Hi Tamba- only just seen this,

Glad you stayed in your house, its important for the kids.

Don't really know what to say except thinking of you XXXX

CAt me if there's anything I can do- anything at all.

XX

Tamba I can't find your email address - can you post it again? Well done by the way. x What time are the boys coming back?

Im not sure what time the boys will be back ,Id guess at after tea, which will be good for me as I can get them straight to bed hopefully.

I dont know whjats the matter with me atm but I keep cleaning Have even moved sofas and done underneath them!

Havent heard from mil - which is good as I was worried she'd be striaght over, but perhaps she wasnt home or something so doesnt know yet.

My head hurts alot! I feel like going to bed but its the middle of the afternoon.

MT my email addy is [email protected]

I havent told my mom or anyone yet cause I have no way of knowing if this is going to be perminate or not and she will go mad at me as everyone thinks dh is perfect and frequently say things like they dont know why he puts up with me. Its really hit home that I have no rl support.

Dh has told me that re money, to carry on as I normally would using the joint bank account. I dont work so dont have an income of my own. I cant rely on that carrying on though so will get advice about what my options are tommorrow but until i know whether we are definatly over i have to hold off on making things offical.

Did you mention getting treatment to him?

I've emailed you..

No email arrived yet:)

He is here now having just bought the kids to bed and is being perfectly pleasant and friendly.

He just put ds2 to bed as he hadnt been around for a few days so thought it was the right thing to do.

He staying for some pizza with ds1 and then going back to his moms.

His dad has said he can stay there as long as he likes. His mom doesnt know yet as shes been out all day and neither of us are looking forward to her finding out. I especially do not want her turning up here etc

We are going to talk through things when ds1 has gone to bed after tea. He wants to know when he can see the kids etc. I have no porbs with him seeing them so it looks like we will do it in 4 day cycles as thats how his shifts work. They will be with me for 4 days cause tomorrow he goes onto nights, and then with him for 4 days at his moms.

After that time is up we are going to discuss whether we are making the arrangement perminate or not.

I am also planning to talk to him about counselling tonight as that is a must if I am even going to consider us trying to work things out.

I'll be thinking of you Tamba. Good luck. I'll try emailing again.

Tamba - I don't know what he has done, because I have only seen the 'stag do' thread. I hope you manage to sort things out to whatever best suits you and your children x

[[[hugs]]]]

Hes gone again and I am not doing well. I feel like the walls are all closing in on me and i feel like im not getting enough air.

We talked about and he revealed that not only had he been to the strip club but he had lots of lap dances and lots of private dances, and it just made me feel so much worse.

I really dont think I can do this. I honestly cant