Struggling to be happy for the peer-group couple who announce the Stealth Third Child

[suzywong]

Anyone else?

I mean it's all well and good if you have always announce your intention to have more than two, but then to sneak another one in after a few years of being compadres in the quadrilateral 2+2 family/friends strata. But to sneak another child in, right under my nose!

I want to be happy for them, very happy - it's a wonderful thing of joy BUT why do I feel a slightly abrasive knot of jealoulsy in my stomach? Is this other couple blatantly announcing their superior dedication to children and chid rearing and happy families? Am I not dedicated enough? Was my confinement not sufficiently radiant, was my Maternal prowess not gracious and mild enough to make me and dh want another offspring?

Anyone else find it initially hard to be happy for contemporaries, I mean same age or older and pretty similar people, who suddenly announce a third child in the offing? I don't having this knot and I am jealous of their dedication and decisiveness.

Is this a syndrome or am I a bitter and twisted old hag?

no dinny, don't say that. i'll feel left out

am quite suprised how many of my peer group are having three atm (our number 2s are all about 18 months) Me - no way, find two sooo hard, can't contentd with idea of 3.

there are certain friends who I would be jealous of if they had a 3rd though - mainly v close ones, I suppose.

Hmm, tbh I had a third even though I only told family that I wanted two. My SIL was most outraged and made some really bitchy comments to me during my pg. She too has now admitted that she wants three aswell, so I guess it was just jealousy. Now how do I tell her that I'm actually keen on a fourth . Seriously, I think that its only natural to feel the way you do Suzy, new babies are lovely, but that bit doesn't last long at all.

Soupdragon, my frind announced a third pg just after our third child was born last year - she ended up with twins and 4 under 4 .

Know how you feel Suzy - I felt like this when future SIL announced her first!! and now they have gone on to have a 3rd - by accident, was secretly hoping that I was pg with twins this time to upset the status quo - she sees herself as top of the food chain and have 1 more kid than the rest of us definately crowns her queen bee.

MeandMyBoy, that's very funny about the queen bee thing. I half wonder whether that's what my SIL is up to really although she needn't bother as MIL always places her first IYSWIM. I wish she would just get on with it too as I have no interest in what they do or don't do - I find the oneupmanship very wearing at times. Sorry! didn't mean to hijack there and turn it into a mini-rant of my own .

Also, meant to say SW, that I find now that I do have my third baby that I really am not that envious of others - whether they have two three four etc. The third was a real sticking point for me.

W/my luck, I'd have twins.

Can't afford another.

Really can't.

Oh thank you all, it's not just me then
and yes cupcakes I will be checking in on you in year's time and asking you how you are sleeping - tee hee! Seriously though, congratulations on your PG

Actually the couple in question are high rolling international bankers, about to move to Hong Kong from DC and have a live in Filipina Nanny. Say no more.

Suzy
If I were that minted, I'd have at least 3.

I do think having 3 children (or more) is a bit of a status symbol nowadays ...

Status symbol!! - hard work, no sleep, I look worn out.

this is interesting

I had jealousy from SO many of my contemporaries when I announced third pg

they are all looking pleased with themselves now and swanning around in skinny jeans now that I am covered in baby sick, fat and knackered

I agree it IS a status symbol

I worked with a man who had 3 and everyone would whisper about it "Do you know David has THREE KIDS?!" and he would bang on about what fun it was and we would all be sooooo impressed.

cool will tell dh that

yes it is a status symbol, we just can't afford three kids end of story and I know people in Kinshasa slums have three kids and (some of them) survive but we can't afford it. This couple I know get all the school fees paid by the Bank.

i admit, i cringe to imagine what another would do to my poor body.

i feel i look SO haggard now. i can't bear to look at pictures of me when i was young - it's shocking how ickle i look now compared to then and i took it for granted then, too.

i'd want some serious plastic surgery if i had a third and can't afford that, either.

Now I am going to sound wildly naive

Is an extra child REALLY that much more expensive?

What are the big expenses (apart from the time off work)

Not sure re the status symbol thing, maybe for some, not for most I know with 3. (Er, my middle one was a lovely mistake)

And I 'm not of people who have 3 kids per se, it's just that we spend a month at Christmas with this family over here and the woman and I did the usual testing each other's values and judgements about parenting and I thought I had the measure of her and now she does this!

We can't afford a third. In my heart I would love another one, but in my head I know it would be daft.

Expect me to announce third pregnancy in the next couple of years, which will be triplets, no doubt!

I look better after my second than I did after my first. So I fully expect to be on the cover of Vogue after my third (it being triplets and all).

mwahahahaha

mp - a bigger car! and holidays, where you can't get a normal hotel room that fits a family of four, and extra flights costs. Food bill is def going up too, they eat so much. School trips, uniforms, entrance fees to places. I am dreading when all of mine are school age.