Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

Post Natal Depression - A Difficult Journey

112 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2006 00:26

Imagine walking through a lovely meadow. The sun shining. Looking up at a beautiful sky. Bright blue, lots of fluffy white clouds drifting by. Butterflies fluttering amongst the buttercups and daisies. Your fingers brushing the tips of the long grass as you walk.....and then suddenly, you stumble.

You manage to catch yourself after faltering for a bit. You dust yourself down, and keep on walking, admiring the beautiful surroundings. You stumble again, this time falling into a deep, unmarked pit. You keep falling and falling, grabbing out and flailing wildly to try and get a grip on something, anything. After what seems like forever, you stop your slide downwards and hit rock bottom. You are exhausted from your sudden and unexpected decent into darkness.

Before you know where you are, and what has happened, you are at the bottom of a deep hole with no idea how you got there or how to get out. You can see a chink of light in the top, but its quite far away, and you cant trust that the chink of light is the only way out, but you claw towards it anyway, even though you are exhausted and bruised and battered from your fall.

Its a lonely time in this hole. Only you and the darkness. You couldnt see anyone else even if they were there, because of the darkness and coldness of your environment. But once you realise where you are, you know you have to clamber out and,` if you are lucky, someone will pass by and offer a hand of help to pull you out.

Despite being exhausted, and bruised and battered, you clamber you way to the top, and you finally make your way out of the hole. Yet you are still shocked and stunned by what happened. How could you miss such a big hole in front of you? Why couldnt you see it coming? How come no-one before you has fallen into this hole (you think) and not thought to block it up? Many people before you has managed to walk through the meadow without falling into this pit, why couldnt you have seen it coming, or prevented it, or just had a better journey?

You are stood, standing in this beautiful meadow, but all you can think about is the dark hole that you have just fallen into and clambered out of, how sore and aching your body is, and how tired you are. The beauty around you means nothing for a while. But you are grateful to be out, and you realise you should appreciate the beautiful surroundings.

You keep walking, but you find yourself no longer admiring the sky, the clouds, the butterflies, the flowers. You are busy looking at your feet. Concentrating hard, because, you dont want to fall into another pit, and waylaid by your aching bones and tired body.

You lose sight of all the beautiful things around you because you are continuing your journey looking only down at the ground, on alert for danger. You dont appreciate the sky, the clouds, the flowers, the butterflies, because you are too scared of falling down another hole, you still have the bruises from the last fall.

You are terrified that, if you take your eyes off terra firma for a moment, you could slip down that hole again and you wont find your way out so easily this time.

It is a long, lonely journey, spent staring at the ground, before you trust your surroundings, and your instincts enough again to appreciate your journey, and realise its beauty. To wander through the meadow staring at the beautiful blue sky and fluffy white clouds.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/04/2006 20:14

Thanks again. Am feeling much better at the moment. But one day at a time anyway at the moment.

I am seriously considering "getting it out there" if its as much help as it seems to be so far. Smile

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 17/04/2006 21:22

www.unplannedpregnancies.co.uk

This story is on there, it's very poignant and moving I couldn't not put it on! Thanks VVVQ for being brave enough to share this with everyone. You touched a raw nerve with a lot of us!

Prufrock · 17/04/2006 21:53

VVV - That is amazing. I think I'm at the stage of just sneaking quick glances at the clouds befoer staring at my fet again. But I do know (and it's great to now know rather than just hope) that one day I'll be staring around again.

I am definately going to make dh read this. I kind of slid down a slope of undiagnosed PND rather than fell into a pit, and it wasn't until I was right at the bottom that I realised how deep it was. But dh (though he tries) can't seem to understand that whilst the ad's are working brilliantly, they aren't an instantaneous and permanent fix. Your writing captures that post getting treatment stage so perfectly. Thank you.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/04/2006 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mykidsmum · 17/04/2006 23:17

VVQV thanks for sharing that x

Aero · 17/04/2006 23:29

QV - that is an amazing and beautifullty eloquent piece of writing and it helps me understand what my sister goes through on a daily basis just to keep herself on top of things.

Thank-you so much for writing that - I have saved it to let her see it when I see her next. It will also help dh understand her more too. It was hard for him to deal with how I was affected following my sis's OD last year and this nasty disease affects us all to some degree if we are close to someone who lives with it.

Aero · 17/04/2006 23:31

BTW - hers is not PND, but I think the sentiment is the same.

Sparkerleur · 17/04/2006 23:48

VVV - Thank you so much for writing that piece. It sounds like you have written about me. I have suffered with depression now for four years. Started as PND but seems to have continued for a long time. My dh and family always ask me what's wrong and I am never able to explain to them how I am feeling or even what has made me feel low. I have had a much better time with my depression in recent months but the low feelings are still there some days. In some ways this will definitely help people around me to understand how I am feeling but it will also help me to understand it myself. x

ghosty · 18/04/2006 02:33

VVVQV ... what a fantastic post - I only just caught up with this thread - you have explained it so well ... that is exactly how I felt after DS ... wow and thank you Smile

I just wanted to add that in the end you CAN see the lovely meadow again. Slowly you will be able to look up from your feet now an again and recognise something beautiful before you look down again. Then one day you will walk 5 steps without looking down ... then 10 steps ... then 20 ...
And one day you will get to the top of the hill in the meadow and look around you, spread your arms wide and take a deep breath ... you will look at all around you and see how beautiful it is ... you will look down and see that hole that you fell into. It is still there, it won't go away, but you are a long way away from it now and the view is a beautiful as it was before you fell in. And the thing is, you know that if you should fall into that hole again, you know how to get out. You know it will be hard going, you know that it won't be pleasant, but you WILL get out because you did it once before ...
Many hugs to you hon Smile

Miaou · 18/04/2006 07:24

oh wow vvv - that is beautiful. I suffered from mild depression as a teenager but nothing like PND - but I can totally relate to and understand it reading that. Thank you for sharing it.

Bouj · 18/04/2006 08:00

V - wondered if it was ok for me to forward it on to some people?

Jasnem · 18/04/2006 09:36

Thankyou.

I'm on my way down, and losing control. It helps to know that it won't last. I hope.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/04/2006 09:54

Thank you Ghosty Smile. i hope you are feeling better this week.

Miaou - thank you too.

Bouj, you can forward it on, but can you cat me first please - i have a request if you do so. Thank you Smile

Jasnem - you will get there. Its hard work but as long as you understand that you are entitled to feel what you do and that it will be a tough ride you will manage it just fine.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/04/2006 16:44

shameless bump....Smile

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/04/2006 22:25

here....x

OP posts:
Bouj · 18/04/2006 22:36

Will do.

fransmom · 20/04/2006 21:39

hi jas and qv (and everyon else) how are you all keeping today? ((((hugs)))

Jasnem · 21/04/2006 14:19

hello, fm...read your other thread while looking for this one today. Have to say your hv sounds rubbish. Keep on at your dp, until he gets the message that you need his support.
I've had more help fro mine this week (after a plate throwing incident which is so out of charachter for me that he had to take me seriously), and with the bigger kids being back at school the pressure is off me a bit and I feel ok.

Hope you are ok today.

fransmom · 22/04/2006 15:27

hi jas, thank u x i don't feel too bad today, though dp and dd both bit poorly and both in bed - it's tooooooooooo quiet. that's why i'm on mn! Grin thinking of cancelling hv and telling her to shove it! also thinking of starting a pnd support group so maybe i hadn't better.

i also threw a toy at dp's head this week, i was telling him something i had told him before about dd and i could tellit wasn't sinking in at all and i just got so frustrated and upset. sometimes i see things about pnd on mn and i started keeping them in a separate file so that dp can read them when he's better, maybe your dp/dh could do that2? there's a lady on here called rhubarb who hasa website, not sure of link, so maybe someone else can help there?

fransmom · 23/04/2006 11:38

hope you having good day qv x

CorrieDale · 27/04/2006 16:06

bump

fransmom · 29/04/2006 21:57

hi corriedale how you feeling today?

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 30/04/2006 23:04

Am doing much better this week. Have had my AD's doubled and seems to be doing the trick.

x

OP posts:
fransmom · 01/05/2006 22:24

glad you feeling better qv x

Rhubarb · 01/05/2006 22:34
Smile Are you going to the Northern meet-up then?