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Original poster

surrendered wife

202 replies

mandy111 · 15/10/2012 22:15

hi my name is mandy i am new today, i am a surrendered wife i have 2 lovely children, and a lovely husband looking forward to chatting to peoplexx

OP posts:
Original poster
mandy111 · 16/10/2012 00:58

hes not a bastard that is really nasty, hes a lovely man and a great dad, why would you say that

OP posts:
Original poster
mandy111 · 16/10/2012 00:59

what do you mean does he follow these, i follow himxx

OP posts:
InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 16/10/2012 00:59

I mean does he respect you?

sleeplessinsuburbia · 16/10/2012 01:02

How has this improved your marriage, I can see the benefit for your husband.

Do you work outside of the home?

bushymcbush · 16/10/2012 01:02

What kinds of control and responsibility have you surrendered?

Narked · 16/10/2012 01:02

If I were to become a surrendered wife, would I have to let DH out of the gimp suit?

ljny · 16/10/2012 01:03

I'm interested. Does your husband also follow this? Does he:

Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
Express their needs while also respecting their husband's choices
Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands
Trust their wives in every aspect of marriage - from sexual to financial...and more?

sleeplessinsuburbia · 16/10/2012 01:03

Leave the bastard is an ongoing joke on mumsnet!

Screaminabdabs · 16/10/2012 01:04

Sorry, Mandy, actually I do apologise for that, it was an attempt at an in-joke. On MN "Leave the bastard" is advice which is given far too often IMO, to people who may be only having minor problems in their marriage. So within the context of the thread, it seemed an ironic post.

I have heard of surrendered wives; I am not convinced it's an emotionally healthy way to proceed.

But welcome to MN, and I hope you are not put off by my feeble attempt at humour. Of course your dh is not a bastard, and I did not mean to imply that he was. Blush Sorry.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 16/10/2012 01:05

I won't be mean to you OP but I just wondered how much you know about mumsnet as alot of people on here are quite feisty & believe in everyone being treated equally, & stuff like being a surrendered wife isn't about equality & women's rights really is it

I vaguely understood it as being about happiness through giving up those rights. I guess feminism is about every woman having the right to choose her own path, so theoretically room for every view point, but I do admit to feeling uncomfortable with the idea that women's place is to be under the authority of a man.

ZacharyQuack · 16/10/2012 01:10

So you've made a lot of changes in order to improve your marriage. What changes has your husband made?

What form of control have you surrendered?

Control of the family finances
Control of your body
Control of what you do with your time

What happens if you and your husband disagree about something? Is it expected that you will always give in?

What happens when your husband wants sex and you don't? Is it expected that you will always give in?

AgnesBligg · 16/10/2012 01:15

Mandy what is the point of your post - is it to propagate surrendered wifedom?

It sounds ghastly, but perhaps you know differently?

EdithWeston · 16/10/2012 06:41

it's fine to be a surrendered wife. It's not something I would choose, for a whole host of reasons, but one I cannot prevent someone deciding to do it.

I'm not sure there is actually much to debate: the concept is well known as are all th arguments against it.

OP: you said " i am here to talk to other mothers" - what other threads have you joined? What do you like to talk about?

Original poster
mandy111 · 16/10/2012 22:48

hi there are alot of questions to answer firstly to whoever said leave the bastard and said sorry no worrys, i dident know it was a joke, i am just like you all in a healthy marriage but, i just lead my husband lead, less nagging less trying to be critical just things like that, surrender to your husband for a better life.xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mandy111 · 16/10/2012 22:50

no i do not say no to sexxx

OP posts:
Original poster
mandy111 · 16/10/2012 22:50

yes my husband respects mexx

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/10/2012 22:52

But how is it carried out in practical terms?

BertieBotts · 16/10/2012 22:56

At least three things every day eh? Lucky you Hmm

Sorry but this makes me really angry. You are a person, you have free will, thoughts, desires, intelligence of your own. You don't NEED to rely on another person to think those up for you. I find it incredibly sad.

I don't believe at all that anybody could respect a partner who totally surrendered to them... unless they viewed them as something less than themselves, less able, less capable, less... human almost? I mean, how? I'm sure it would be lovely to have someone there to agree with everything I said, make life perfect for me and let me make all the choices, but it wouldn't be a fulfilling, adult, equal relationship on any level.

AKissIsNotAContract · 16/10/2012 22:57

Whatever floats your boat. My DP would be gutted if I had sex just to keep him happy rather than because I actually wanted it.

chickydoo · 16/10/2012 23:02

This has got to be a wind up....please say it is!

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 16/10/2012 23:04

Agree with bertie, I couldn't respect DH if he unconditionally surrendered to me, and nor he if it were I who did that. I have always thought of relationships as equal partnerships, and would not accept anything less, nor have any time for a partner who could accept something less than equal control/say/whatever you want to call it.

And as for not saying no to sex Shock

kissyfur · 16/10/2012 23:04

Blimey, I thought this was 2012 not the 1950s Hmm

Groovee · 16/10/2012 23:04

I think I may have a surrendered husband BlushBlushBlush

Goldchilled7up · 16/10/2012 23:06

I can't understand why anyone would want to live like that.

TuftyFinch · 16/10/2012 23:14

So if you're not in the mood for sex do you say no? If you think you're husband is managing the money irresponsibly can/would you say?
It doesn't make any sense to me. Surely two people in an equal relationship would be ... equal? It just sounds like a license for him to just do what he wants while you just do what he wants?
Although I've just painted pur whole living room dark grey without consulting DH. I don't think I'd make a good surrendered wife. Although he hasn't seen it yet.