Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

dh thinks me strange as not at it like when we first met...am I abnormal?

73 replies

lavender1 · 27/12/2003 19:55

dh looked really p'd just before he went out and he yet again explained that it was because I rarely come up to him and instigate sex and he feels I should be just as exuberant as when we first met 15 YEARS AGO! I am just of fond of intimate relations as ever but he is always saying how bad I am at this and that is why he is unhappy...The problem is happiness for me is based on other things, friends, doing things for other people, feeling part of a team and working towards some community thing or other and of course having loving relations. Is there anybody out there who feels that their partner is expecting too much from them and that the more somebody expects and wants the harder it is to give freely...sorry to rant and rave but just feel dh has these expectations which sometimes I cannot fulfill because am mother, friend, wife and cannot be some kind of perfect human being capable of being all to everyone....Love to hear anyone's comments here.

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 16:23

Perhaps you can leave but still "date" - ease yourself out slowly? Naff idea?

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 16:27

Surely i would still have to like him to 'date' him ????

Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 16:29

You should see some of the mutated pond slimes I have dated, then you wouldn't need to ask!

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 16:33

Are you single now ???? I think that is one of my biggest fears, that i will be on my own for ever (stupid i know).

Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 16:49

Okay, potted history of Lisa's lovelife. At 5 months pregnant, I left DS1's dad and moved 200 miles away with my dog and a bit of furniture, scariest thing I ever did, no home, no money, no job! Was single parent for 10 years, till married DH 4 years ago. In between times, I was on benefit for 5 years, in a council flat; did some charity work and started a degree with OU. Got a part time paid job when DS1 was 5, stayed with same organisation but went full time after a year or so, even though it took 4 - 6 buses a day to get him to childcare and me to work and back, and how I remember those freezing winter evenings wishing a bus would come. Dated a couple of dingalongs who were interested in me, not in me as a mum as well, dated a lovely man who turned out to be using me to make himself feel good about himself- shallow bastard, I was his charity case, he probably used me as an example when he left me to train to be a vicar - dated a lovely chap far too young for me (quite the scandal of the parish I was for a while) dated a couple of colleagues (quite the scandal of the workplace) and then dated DH, who I started seeing on 27 March 1998 - no I can't recall those details but he can, he has just told me. We got married in 2000 and I finished my degree, learned to drive, got a promotion and had DS2
Frankly, some of those times on my own were the worst - sat on the stairs weeping as I hid from the rent man, freezing in the evenings cos I only had a gas fire to heat the whole flat and couldn't afford to have it on when DS1 was in bed, feeling humiliated as I collected benefit, eating tinned toms on toast for tea for a fortnight cos DS1 needed shoes etc etc. Some were the best, making friends who knew I was a safe haven cos no man lived with me, wandering around in knickers and a facepack whilst eating a whole packet of biscuits, going out with the girls, - the list is endless. But being where I am now is damned good too, best time of my life so far; my house is nothing spectacular but its warm, we own it and its home, I love my job, I love my DS's even though they bring me to my knees sometimes, and I love my DH even when I wan t to smack him one - and most of all I love my dog! NONE of which would be happening if I had stayed with DS1's father, when I knew I didn't love him. He wasn't a bad man, I can't say he assaulted me, degraded me, lazed around whilst I worked, made me feel shit or anything else, I just didn't love him, so I left. (Thats when he got shitty!)
That answer your question?!

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 20:26

Lisa78,

What sort of a dog have you got?

OP posts:
popsycal · 30/12/2003 20:33

sorry lisa and lavender but i am laughing
lisa purs out her life story and lavender asks about the breed of her dog!
that made me chuckle!!:0

popsycal · 30/12/2003 20:34

ps sorry to trivialise this thread

lyndsey66 · 30/12/2003 21:31

Popsycal - I thought the same thing!
Good for you Lisa, I am doing a degree with th OU and am at a crossroads where I feel like jacking it in because I cant seem to focus. Did you have times like this? Also are you glad you stuck to it? (sorry if this is irrelevant but I interested and desperate as I am meant to be started my new term in Feb)

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 21:43

popsycal,

sorry to be boring and trivial but just couldn't think what to say, was trying to strike up a conversation regarding lisa78's probs, talk quite a bit on this site, surely it's okay to show an interest in person even if it does seem trivial..also had ds and dd all day for last week and a half (rels don't visit...so feel a litle run down at times...sorry).

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 21:57

Lavendar, you didn't trivialise what I had written, I don't think anyone meant to make you feel that you had,and I didn't take it that way, it just read funny The dog I mentioned died about 4 years ago, he was a labrador / red setter cross and I loved him to bits, I was shattered when I had to have him put down. However, I now have an equally beautiful labrador / border collie cross and she is wonderful too, tho she has a different special place in my heart. And our bed, she hasn't quite got the message that when we say "Get down", we mean for the entire night,not just until we are asleep!!!!! And she gets beaten up by the cat, which the previous dog never stood for - he was in charge in our house, these days, the cat is!

Lyndsey, no, I NEVER felt like jacking it in, not more than once a week anyway! Everyone feels like jacking it in, I'm sure. I dropped out of my 4th year cos I was just so demotivated, it was bloody tiring being a single mum, working full time and studying too - especially when you are a perfectionist! But having had that year out, I felt much more refreshed and once I had got year 4 out of the way, I just kept telling myself I was almost there. Year 5 however, was horrendous cos I took two 30 point options, which oddly enuf adds up to more than 60points worth of work, that was a REALLY hard year. I used to be really strict with myself and timetable the week - housework on this night, will study from 6.30 - 8.30 on this night etc etc. I think the only real advice I can give you is take a year out if you need it - if you are sure you can get back into it - set yourself study targets and keep to them and use the OU website, I used to chat on first class to cheer myself up and convince myself that it was, in a way, studying. And use friends and relatives to take your children off your hands to get a couple of hours "power studying" in. Remember, you can skip the odd assignment if you are behind - oh and I never went to the summerschools!
It is ABSOLUTELY worth it in the end. I got a 2:1 and its one of the proudest achievements of my life. Once you have that, nothing and no-one can take it away from you, its yours for life, your achievement - and more so than other degrees cos you have to fit the studying in with your usual life. Keep going, you should be gettingyour books in the next month or so, its always worth starting early
email me if you want to have a screaming hissy fit, I know what its like!

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 22:08

Sooo glad you wrote this as have RHS exam in March and fitting it in with other commitments has made me want to not do exam, but feel inspired...what was your degree in if you don't mind me asking?...Also have cat, take a look at picture if you like{http://[email protected]\my pictures\ruddles

OP posts:
lavender1 · 30/12/2003 22:09

Sorry, didn't work, buenos noches

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 22:51

Biology

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 23:14

do you have plans to be some sort of people/plantey person?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 23:19

god no, just like diseases!

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 23:25

What you mean you fancy a part in the Blackadder Witch Smeller Pursiuvant as a rat when everyone is dying of the plague?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 23:29

eh?

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 23:33

Was trying to be funny, Blackadder if you watch it is hilarious and this particuliar one is about the Black Death...DISEASES!...wine gone to head and just out for a giggle.

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 23:42

sorry, don't watch blackadder!

lavender1 · 30/12/2003 23:44

you're planning on some sort of pathologisty lifestyle? What sort of comedy do you love?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 23:49

not at all, just interested!
Like Ab fab / Roseanne / Royal family type stuff

Lisa78 · 30/12/2003 23:49

we're all in the bar if you want to come and join us - 80's night

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread