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Original poster

dh thinks me strange as not at it like when we first met...am I abnormal?

73 replies

lavender1 · 27/12/2003 19:55

dh looked really p'd just before he went out and he yet again explained that it was because I rarely come up to him and instigate sex and he feels I should be just as exuberant as when we first met 15 YEARS AGO! I am just of fond of intimate relations as ever but he is always saying how bad I am at this and that is why he is unhappy...The problem is happiness for me is based on other things, friends, doing things for other people, feeling part of a team and working towards some community thing or other and of course having loving relations. Is there anybody out there who feels that their partner is expecting too much from them and that the more somebody expects and wants the harder it is to give freely...sorry to rant and rave but just feel dh has these expectations which sometimes I cannot fulfill because am mother, friend, wife and cannot be some kind of perfect human being capable of being all to everyone....Love to hear anyone's comments here.

OP posts:
Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 00:31

Nutcracker,

What does he charge an hour?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 00:33

Jeez nutcracker, don't you have enuf on without that?
Lavendar, that is violence to you. And yes, I bloody would feel like that - my husband is 6ft 5 and I am 5ft 2 and if he EVER even behaved aggressively - it doesn't bear thinking about. Fortunately, he isn't like that at all. DS1's dad was a bit that way inclined, but I was young and stupid and stayed. Wouldn't now though, but like I say, he was a BIT like that so am not qualified to tell anyone what to do. I've had my fair share of bastards though, one I stayed headoverheels with for 3 years and although he never laid a finger on me, he made me feel so bloody inadequate and just not good enuf - and it was done so insidiously too. And he left me to train to be a bloody vicar...
Where was I, rambling on like this! Yes, lavendar, someone hurt me, I would feel distinctly unsexy towards them - you are not being unreasonable at all, not that you need an episode to justify this. If you don't feel like sex, you don't feel like it, whether you have felt threatened by your partner or not, whether you find yourself locked in the bridal suite with Brad Pitt and George Clooney or not (ok, go on, I defy you on that one!) whatever. You don't need me to tell you that - don't let him make you feel you are the unreasonable one

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:38

I know, who am i to give advice, my own rlationship is a mess.

Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 00:40

Nutcracker, you sound like the best person to give advice - you know what you are talking about

Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 00:41

Sorry, did my message sound like I was criticising you for giving advice? When i said you had enuf on, I meant you had enuf to deal with, without DP expecting you to have your flat spotless

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:41

Mayber yeah, mine and lav1's relationships sound pretty similar. LAV1 - Is your dh older than you ???

lyndsey66 · 28/12/2003 00:43

Nutcracker - why does ds3 sleep in your room - is it because of space or age? If she wasnt in your room would it make a difference? I cant believe he calls you lazy! How many children do you have at home?

Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 00:43

Nutcracker, are you still with the man behind the back arms person? and we have 2 children and I would hate any hurt on their part? By the way the arms thing wasn't around the back but around my throat, on a number of occassions and bruises and stuff...I really don't know, I know we are kind of good together with the children but he is very demanding and not independant..........He is constantly saying I crave affection from you...is that needy? (He never visits family and never sees them as they are half B&S, so I have to be a lot to him...too much ....does hapiness come from within or from dh or dw, I say from within dh expects me to do a lot...

OP posts:
nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:44

L66- Ds 3 sleeps in our room because we live in 2 bed flat and have 3 kids.

Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 00:45

Nutcracker,

Yes dh is older than me, he is 43 and me 34, how about you? Why does he also like such a tidy house, is he a perfectionist?

OP posts:
nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:46

LAV1 - Do you still want to be with him ??? I don't want to be with dp but haven't the guts to do anything about it.

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:47

LAV1- Dp is 20yrs older than me and is preety strict about things. We disagree alot over how to disapline kids.

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 00:57

Am off to bed now- chat tommorow.

Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 00:58

Nutcracker

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking and secondally you say you haven't the guts to leave him; how old are your children with him and are you really that unhappy with him?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 00:58

yes you do nutcracker
Perhaps you are just not ready yet

lyndsey66 · 28/12/2003 00:59

night night nutcracker x

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 01:00

I am 25 and kids are 6,4 and 1. I'm not sure i could cope on my own but i'd love the independance.

lyndsey66 · 28/12/2003 01:15

Nutcracker incase you read this - 6, 4 and 1?? Nobody can call you lazy! Blooming cheek, I have a one year old and find that hard work.

Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 01:29

Nutcracker,

What does dh do around the house to help you? (Am not normally up this late but am downloading music off the internet....have you tried this?). You are the same age I was when I conceived ds, and do you have evenings out on your own with girlies, if not I imagine you would feel very tied down with responsibility, hence the lack of sex...am in same boat....fancy a night out, do you live any where near Cambridge?

OP posts:
Original poster
lavender1 · 28/12/2003 01:45

final question,

Nutcracker, apart from the obvious why do you want to leave dp? Will be around tomorrow to chat as Christmas and am at home more.Speak to you soon.

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 01:49

lavender, if you still want to chat, we are open in the fat bar

sb34 · 28/12/2003 01:51

Message withdrawn

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 16:17

LAV 1 - I can't eben remember the last time i went out with the girls, dp moans at the mere suggestion. I do feel extrmely tied down. Alas I live in brum.

Lisa78 · 28/12/2003 16:18

Lots of nights out in Brum nutcracker - and if he doesn't like it, he can bugger off!

nutcracker · 28/12/2003 16:19

Also meant to say, have wanted to leave dp for a while but he always manages to convince me otherwise.

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