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Original poster

I gave my 5 yr old Vallium, am I going to jail?

78 replies

teawith2sugarsplease · 13/07/2012 09:56

Seriously, if anyone has any inside knowledge of what is likely or may happen please let me know.

His school nurse is coming in an hour and I may tell her.

Why did I do it? because he's been screaming for 4 hours each day after school, making himself actually vomit with screaming, he's scratching himself up.
He's Autistic, barely verbal.
It's been going on for weeks,I'm sleep deprived, it's not nice for him to be in such a state.
The vallium did help as I knew it would.
It's not his prescription though.

It seemed like the only option.

I'm thinking they may call social services,

what's gonna happen to us?

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 13/07/2012 10:09

I don't know if you are new to mnet, but there is a SN board and it might be a good idea to get this post moved to there. Lists of experienced and understanding parents and carers who may be able to offer support. X

Longtalljosie · 13/07/2012 10:10

The best and most sensible thing to do is tell the truth.

If it was only one tablet, the inferior but still better than nothing option is to say that he took one by mistake / found one.

The only completely unacceptable option is to do nothing at all.

And regardless of which of the top two options you take, you need to go to the GP and say you're not coping.

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 10:10

i think you did a silly thing (even though I have heard of vallium I do not know what it is or seen it). Giving others medication that has been specifically prescribed for oneself is very wrong. I think you need help with your DS. I think up until now you have coped very well and I commend you for that :) If you tell you will not be in trouble you will get more helkp than if you don't tell. My next door neighbour has bi-polar and gave her DS her medication in his food for days trying to poison him the are still together! SN children drive people to do things and behave in a way we wouldn't normaslly, sometimes. I think you are very brave and do not need to worry that much as it is a one off. Be honest you'll get support that you need to stay together as a family if that is what you want.

UnChartered · 13/07/2012 10:11

what the nurse will do/say is the least of your worries tbh

i've got a young child with ASD, i can imagine the point you have got to where you felt it's ok to give your child unprescribed meds, but please get him to a place where you can be sure he is medically safe.

then please tell someone, in a safe place, how desperate your situation is.

i understand you, please keep talking

GetOrfMoiiLand · 13/07/2012 10:11

I agree with freddos - you really need some help. Tell the nurse and say you need some support from somewhere.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 13/07/2012 10:11

I agree with freddos - you really need some help. Tell the nurse and say you need some support from somewhere.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 13/07/2012 10:12

It sounds like you are in a desperate place right now.
You need some rl help. You need to tell someone what is going on and how you are feeling.
Speak to the nurse, I doubt they will take your child away but they will point you in the direction of help. SS can help, if you are in need, they are not there to run in and remove your child.
You obviously cannot carry on like this.

I hope you get the help you need

latterlov3r · 13/07/2012 10:13

I feel for you sounds like you acted out of utter desperation please dont ever do it again though if you dont want to tell anyone what you gave him and your sure the effects of it are over and hes fine then dont mention it but certainly speak to someone ASAP like phone right now and get some help and support for both of you

gasman · 13/07/2012 10:13

Ok. You aren't going to jail and he is obviously unscathed by the experience HOWEVER using sedatives like that requires monitoring which you can't safely provide at home so I wouldn't EVER recommend doing it again without medical advice.

However, you are obviously struggling and need some help. I would expect the school nurse to be able to initiate a process to get you some help. The process involved is called "child in need" his disabilities alone earn him that slightly grotty tag.

Telling the school nurse about events will help her to realise just how much you need help. I sincerely hope that you and your son get the help you need. Please don't torture yourself about this it sounds like an act of desperation.

Dahlen · 13/07/2012 10:13

If you've got a severely autistic child, are struggling to cope and this is the first time you've ever done anything remotely like this, then I'd have thought it would be unlikely that all hell would break loose TBH. Yes, SS will get involved and yes you will get a telling off, but prison is unlikely.

What is more likely is that you will get the help you so obviously need. What you did was wrong and dangerous. The amount you gave your child is well within normal child dosage as you know, but there are contraindications that you can't and won't have considered because you don't have medical training, and that's why it's dangerous. That's why you must tell someone, because in all honesty, if nothing changes, you probably will be driven by desperation to do it again and this time there may be consequences, possibly fatal ones.

You need help. There is no shame in that. You are obviously aware of it at some level because you've posted on here. Ignoring the problem and continuing to dose your child with dangerous sedatives, is something to be ashamed of though. You are not going to go to prison but you do need to tell someone. You are obviously at the end of your tether.

Please tell someone and I hope things settle down.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2012 10:15

Tell the truth. Tell it all. Tell ho hard it is to cope, for you and your son. Tell them how you were driven to do something so silly. Then tell them again.

It will be ok. It may be the push to get you some help and support. You won't go to jail, you won't be punished. Social Services may be informed, but not with a view to separate you and your son but with the premise of keeping you together before this situation escalates any further.

All the best, and I hope there is a positive outcome of this for you both x

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 10:21

The only way I got help was to show SS my messy house. I was so ashamed. I giot help for my SN child. Telling the truth is the only way. We're here to hold your hand all the way. It is scary this business of truth telling. You will be asked questions and monitired but keep on telling the truth. Start an online diary of how you feel if you cannot be botheredc to use a pen. You deserve help which means time for you. There is no sgame in telling the truth or asking for help. I wish I had done so years ago but my pride! Oh my pride was my downfall. Social Services are not that scaryyou know, they're nice people on the whole, wanting and willing ti help. You'll feelso much better. Promise. You're a good Mum x You asked for help because you want and deserve better for you both. well done for coming here! Brave lady eh? :)

Sirzy · 13/07/2012 10:23

I agree with the majority here you need to be honest and ask for help, you know what you did was wrong but that needs to be the last cry for help. Talk to the school nurse and take it from there but make sure you get the support you need.

AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 13/07/2012 10:24

Take this as a wake up call OP. You need support. You are that desperate you resorted to giving your child valium.

Looking after a child with SN is incredibly hard. Everyone understands that but you need to get help before this escalates. If you don't you might be tempted to continue to give it to your DC.
Please do not give anymore.

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 10:33

"What's going to happen if I tell the nurse"

Your DS will get taken to hospital.

You will be asked how and why. This is were you need to tell the truth, otherwise you will get mixed up with stress and things will escalate.

It is unlikely that your DS will have to stay in hospital and you will take him home.

Given his additional needs you are the best person to keep him with. This willall depend on your honesty, please keep calm.

The SW will visit you and start an assessment. You will not be charged and you will not be 'punished'.

They will get you support and put your DS 'in the system', which will include medical and the disability team becoming involved.

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 10:46

Will child protection team not be involved @ Birds?

boneyjonesy · 13/07/2012 10:52

I wouldn't tell them the truth.A mother was jailed here recently when her 2 yo got hold of her methadone accidentally.

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 10:53

It will be an urgent referal from the hospital which will be taken up by the hospital SW, or someone will attend, depending on the hospital.

The child will go on a CP plan, or should, only because he has complex needs which cannot be met on a CIN plan.

This will be to have on going SW involvement and should be passed on to the disability team, the plan can stay as a CP, but is handled differently.

Usually it is a case of the parents beeing at breaking point and intense support is needed. This isn't a fail, it is just the pressure and hard work that a complex child brings.

The OP will be dealt with as a parent under pressure.

CP plans vary and are usued differently. They are set out with the intentions, and the intention would be to get the OP the help that they need.

CP plans make other departments get their arse in gear and do what they are supposed to be to help and support, funding can be tapped into as well.

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 10:55

There must have been a history of abuse, surely within that case? No Mother is sent to jail for an accident concerning a child. Mumsnet wouldn't exist for a start!

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 10:55

"I wouldn't tell them the truth.A mother was jailed here recently when her 2 yo got hold of her methadone accidentally."

Where are you? Not helpful, circumstances vary. The child was probably already on a CP plan with 'inital' filled for, so the court had no choice.

boneyjonesy · 13/07/2012 10:56

I don't know the ins and outs solesource

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 10:57

I've just googled that and they failed to report that they had given the child methodone, even though he was seriously ill in hospital and she was due in court for assault.

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 10:58

I don't know the ins and outs solesource

Well then keep in to yourself.

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 10:58

I did have to wait for three years for my social worker to change before I got overnight respite. But I did get one extra daycare at respite home per week in school holidays. Previous social worker didn't think I needed overnight respite because of lack of funding. Might explain as to why I was wasn't given respite straight away as CP wasn't involved.

Sirzy · 13/07/2012 10:58

Not telling the truth is highly likely to backfire.

Without sounding judgemental when a mother is on methadone there is a very high chance SS already have some level of involvement and that this was the last straw rather than a desperate mother in need of help.