Why are oldtimers so unwelcoming to newbies

[NameChanged123]

I am a new member of mumsnet and was really pleased to find it. Unfortunately I have found that most of you oldtimers aren't very welcoming to newbies. Everytime I post on a thread I get ignored, you oldtimers only reply to each other. Sometimes I post on a thread and it just stops all together. I just think it would be nice to make newbies feel more welcome

hi NC123

I think a lot of people feel like this when they first join mn - it's a recurring theme really. Even when you are an oldtimer, you often kill threads or get posts ignored ... it's not something that only happens to newbies.

The best way to approach mumsnet is to get stuck in and not be oversensitive about lack of replies - it really does happen to everyone! I've been on here several years. It's worth sticking with it, mn is a great place.

Why not do a Member Profile to say hi to everyone - you will certainly get a good response

Finally - welcome to mn!

Welcome to MN!
It is a huge site with loads of members. half the time none of us know whether someone is old or new, because you can't keep track of everyone. But of course, there ARE lots of people who have 'known' each other for ages, and do reply to each other.

Also, if the active convos list is moving fast, threads drop out of view, it isn't because no-one is responding.

Keep posting, don't take anything personally...and just get oin with it and try not to get huffy or moany

I found this when I joined up
I have thick skin like walrus so I kept on posting and the one day I just seemed to slot in better.
Perseverence and at least making one major debate like a breast bottle, or real nappies vs disposables or SAHM vs Working Mums
I'm sorry if you don't feel welcome though...
And I've been here 3 years and can still with alarming accuracy kill a previously lively thread - dead.
And ignore Cod

There are thousands of members, and if the threads are moving quickly, it is difficult to keep at the top of the active conversations.

Hello and welcome to mumsnet.

There are so many name-changes on here that half the time I have no idea if someone is 'old' or a newbie.

I've been here for nearly 3 years now but still have a talent for thread-killing. :o

Welcome to MN, NC123. :)

i have no idea who is a newbie or not

I thought gravity was a newbie only to get my knuckles rapped for not instantly knowing about her tragic life

so we don't all recognise 'newbie' names

and fgs dont get paranoid, just keep posting

thread killing isnt reserved just for newbies

NC123, i'm a newbie and i found just pestering the oldtimers was the best way to go!!!!
And post on everything. Eventually they respond.

get stuck into a juicy thread, thatll get you into the swing of things

Hi Namechanged123 - I dont think that is entirely fair - I have been around on MN for 18months and still get ignored sometimes and noticed others. In fact I dont think I get noticed very often at all. I dont let it bother me.
What i try to remember is a lot of MNetters have "known" each other for 3 or more years - so of course they witter on endlessly at each other! I dont think oldies genuinely ignore newbies they are just wrapped up in their own social circle. I do it myself in RL

I think one way to feel more at home on MN is to connect with other newbies. Personally I Enjoy reading alot of the oldies in jokes and stuff with out feeling Im being ignored - I try to remember its just as rude to but in as it is to ignore others.

HTH and doesnt start an argy bargy

Runs for hard hat :o

I felt a bit ignored when I first joined too. I just dropped into conversations and didn't get any response at all. So I started a thread, a kind of "here's me" thing - there were no member profiles way back then - about my terrible day (spacedonkey remembers it ) and got much more of a welcome. And the rest is history.

I still kill threads though. Frequently. You have to try not to take it personally

Um, not quite sure what to say but don't want to leave you unreplied to...

The oldtimers who know each other better may have more to say to each other than to the stranger they've just met, which is fair enough. We all kill threads from time to time (just life, I think).

I think by persisting nobly, writing thoughtful, witty, relevant posts (I do try) and joining in conversations with confidence, you can get in with the in-crowd, as it were.

Dive in - don't hang out on the fringes feeling 'new'! Conversely, don't expect too much in the way of gushing thanks or hugs - MN is quite down to earth compared to some other boards.

And remember it's not immediately obvious to other users that you're a newbie - there's no post count by our usernames and no profile to view - so if you want special gentle treatement you have to ask!

(and remember by the time you've typed a long post, 15 other people will have replied and made all your points before you - DOH!)

Hello namechanged123.
I'm a newbie too, will you be my friend? :)
I have to think of a better name though.

It's really easy to feel that way but I don't think it's anything conscious. Also, most posts are 'ignored' in the sense that no-one responds to them specifically, but it doesn't mean they're not being read if you see what I mean. It's a bit random whether anyone picks up on them.
Feel like I have posted about a hundred times in the last couple of weeks but it took until yesterday for someone to say 'I totally agree Kathy'. Felt like I was finally accepted!!!

15 other people will have replied and made all your points before you - DOH!)

Exactly MRsBadger - Happens to me all the time - this thread included!

Sometimes I kill threads too ... it happens to all of us, it's not that you're being ignored. Sometimes people don't acknowledge you on threads - again, it's not just because you're new, it happens to us all.

I'm not really an old-timer, been here about 16 months, but I just jumped in and joined in the chat - and when you do that, people will respond to you. People will start to recognise the name, and remember that they've chatted with you before, and before you know it you'll be part of the furniture.

Welcome to MN by the way ... are you going to tell us your real name so that we can say hello when we come across you again?

Welcome to Mumsnet
as others have said, the best thing to do is introduce yourself by way of a member profile, then start posting.
ive been on MN for 18 months now and still get ignored on threads and still have a tendancy to kill them too! That pleasure isnt just reserved for newbies, also I have no idea how long most people have been on MN.
Quite a few people have met at in Rl and therefore may be more likely to converse with each other on threa\ds, but thats not to say its at the detriment of other posters.

Also, some people get to know each other very well on particular threads or boards - like if people have been on an ante-natal thread together.

I think by persisting nobly, writing thoughtful, witty, relevant posts (I do try) and joining in conversations with confidence, you can get in with the in-crowd, as it were.

Really? I think if you post threads slagging everyone off, or making fun of the hapless child-modellers, you will likely get more posts! or maybe I just can't write witty, relevant posts.

I am a newbie too. What i try to remember is that most of us post in between giving the kids their dinner, school runs, work, play, grumpy husbands.. I think it's expecting too much to expect prompt answers. or why don't you start a thread yourself?

Aaah, but you see poppadum - I have 'noted' you for your sensible informed current affairs input!

when i first posted i got accused of being a name changer .. didn't take it personally ..

Poppadum, you might get more posts by slagging off the child modellers, and so on, but that doesn't mean that people will want to talk to you elsewhere! I generally find that it's the people who make the thoughtful and considerate posts that I want to get to know and to chat with, not the ones who post for controversy's sake.

Takes a while to get into the swing and not sure it has much to do with who starts a thread particuarly although if it is a familiar name it may get more views intially. Best to find something you can contribute to and then get better known. Sometimes you just need to judge where to post a question, what thread title might catch the eye and when to post it . If something looks too vague or has been covered quite recently it may get lost especially at busy periods when Active Converstations can move down quickly.

Sorry, that should have read:

I think that by sucking up shamelessly to Cod, reading up about old in-jokes in the archives so you laugh at the right moment, making fun of baby-modellers and having outlandish views about weaning spoons and tablecloths, you can get in with the in-crowd.

and by posting great \link{http://www.soest.hawaii.edu/expeditions/mariana/images/annsoupy/kids-easter%20soupy%20closeup.jpg\links}, of course.

damn you mrsbadger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh please no more sucking up to Cod

please no