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Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

928 replies

Rubytuesdayy · 03/07/2012 22:38

With respect to lit streets, chaste Hmm clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

OP posts:
runningforthebusinheels · 07/07/2012 09:27

Bumbley - would you like to show where I said people can run just as well in heels please? I haven't said that ever - unless you're referring to my username

You said: I wouldn't say I've changed my mind. I have clarified my opinion on it - including what I think about the 'chaste' clothes idea.

WHat did you mean by that?

anyoneknowanything · 07/07/2012 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scrounginscum · 07/07/2012 12:41

I give up people will believe what they want.

Greythorne · 07/07/2012 22:29

I find this list of precautions to avoid rape very instructive.

OP - it does go beyond your suggestion of chaste clothing. It's pretty exhaustive.

Don?t go out and get drunk, it could lead to you getting raped. Also, don?t have sex with someone because it could get you raped by someone they know. Don?t be young, that could definitely get you raped. While we?re at it, especially don?t be a child, that could really get you raped. Don?t be older either, that can get you raped. Don?t be living in a nursing home; women get raped there. In fact, what are you even doing in an establishment like that, are you asking for it? Don?t be single; single girls are sluts. Sluts get themselves raped. Don?t be married either or you could get raped by your husband. Don?t go jogging, that is just irresponsible. Don?t go to carparks, that can get you raped. And really don?t go jogging in a carpark, that is like so going to get you raped. Don?t go to public toilets, that can lead to rape. Don?t be dying; dying women get raped. Don?t ever be unconscious for any reason whatsoever, you?ll get yourself raped. Don?t be injured either. Raped. Avoid being physically disabled. Raped. And particularly avoid being intellectually disabled. You couldn?t get yourself more raped. Don?t go out alone, that is dangerous and you could get raped. But don?t accept lifts either; that is just asking for trouble. Don?t ever be naked, it could get you raped. Don?t wear clothing in which I could imagine you naked, that could get you raped. Don?t wear short skirts, they attract rape. Don?t wear baggy clothing or pyjamas or hospital gowns or a hijab either, women get raped in all those too. Don?t have a father, brother, uncle or grandfather. You could get raped by one of them. And oh my god, don?t even think about having a step-father. So raped. Don?t be ugly or you could deserve rape. Don?t be beautiful, you will be too tempting. Don?t flirt with men, this can get you raped. Don?t be rude to men either ? playing with fire. Don?t take public transport. Raped. Don?t drive your own car, what if someone hid in the back seat, you could get raped. Don?t sell sex or anything close to it. Raped, raped, raped. Don?t be mistaken for someone who might sell sex. Obviously, you would get raped. Don?t be a soldier, a waitress, a teacher, a police officer, or a hairdresser. All these women can get raped, sometimes by their professional colleagues. Don?t dance, it could lead to you getting raped. Don?t relax, what if it made you look like you wanted it. Don?t be stupid, that will surely get you raped. Don?t be naive, you?ll deserve what comes to you. Don?t be adventurous, that is being stupid and stupid women get raped. Don?t be silent, who can be expected to know you didn?t want to be raped. Don?t be intimidated, that can signal weakness and will get you raped. Don?t be trusting, don?t be in awe, don?t be flattered by anyone ? that could so get you raped. Especially don?t be female, that could really get you raped, although being male could get you raped too, so don?t do that either. And don?t be interesex or trans, people will think rape is for your own good.

Greythorne · 07/07/2012 22:31

it's from here:

bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/dont-get-raped/

BlackOutTheSun · 07/07/2012 22:34

Greythorne, sadly thats too true

bumbleymummy · 07/07/2012 22:57

running, you're right, you did not specifically say that. You just argued with me when I said that stilettos could impair your ability to run. (oh look, I can admit when I have accused someone of saying something that they haven't - why do you find it so difficult to do that?)

"
You said: I wouldn't say I've changed my mind. I have clarified my opinion on it - including what I think about the 'chaste' clothes idea.

WHat did you mean by that?"

Well you could read back through the thread to find out. I did directly post to you directly about it when you accused me of talking about 'chaste' clothes which I hadn't done. Here is an extract from our conversation:

bumbleymummy Thu 05-Jul-12 00:33:18
You have specifically referred to dress - not many people on the 'be aware' side of the argument have. It has mainly focused on alcohol consumption and walking home alone/through unlit areas etc...

runningforthebusinheels Thu 05-Jul-12 00:35:11
The op specifically refers to dress, walking in unlit areas and alcohol. You have specifically talked about stranger rape - When that is not the main risk when it comes to rape.

bumbleymummy Thu 05-Jul-12 00:48:08

Re. Dress, yes, the op mentioned it. I was just pointing out that not many people have really mentioned it in the context of it making you a more likely victim or have suggested that dressing a certain way means it is your fault. It mainly came up in the context of whether it would make it harder for you to run/fight back etc. eg. Stillettos vs flat shoes

This was pointing out to you the context in which clothing had been discussed by previous posters and I pointed this out to you several times that I hadnt said anything about 'chaste' clothing myself. You haven't been able to produce a quote from me where I have said what you are accusing me of - that a woman was raped because of what she was wearing (because there isn't one). Most people would admit that they made a mistake. I'm not sure why you can't.

runningforthebusinheels · 07/07/2012 23:10

Bumbley, as I explained at the time - and in the post you quoted above - I talked about chaste dress because it is mentioned in the op.

It might be a useful exercise for you not to make the whole thread about you. I think you're just here for the bunfight tbh. Hmm

But you say you have at least "clarified" your view of about the chaste clothing - so presumably you must have thought it was relevant before.

runningforthebusinheels · 07/07/2012 23:21

Greythorne, that is very interesting, it says it all doesn't it?

When googling for the top ten tips 'don't rape her' thing I linked to earlier, I came across something that talked of a high proportion of rape victims having long hair, especially when in a pony tail - as the attacker will grab it.

As a woman with long hair, I wondered how many women would be prepared to cut it short in order to avoid being a 'likely' victim of a rapist. This website went onto say short haired women are rarely rape victims. Confused I'm finding this subject increasingly disturbing actually - like women have to hide themselves away, modify their looks and behaviour, for fear of tempting a rapist.

Socknickingpixie · 07/07/2012 23:23

chedder i expect you have probally ignored the back and forth going on now.
but just incase you havent, docters are used to seeing everything,they may work out how it happened but they will be proffesional enough to not ask,if you are concerned just say "i really dont want to talk about how". you can go get seen at the fpc as well, they can refer as can a drop in clinic.if you were to nervious to actually speak or explain any symptoms you can write them down. hth

Socknickingpixie · 07/07/2012 23:27

running dont forget if we dont avoid makeup or deodrant or shaving then we are contributing towards encouraging men to rape women because we are conforming to there ideals thus giving them power over us or some crap like that

BlackOutTheSun · 07/07/2012 23:42

Running, the pony tail is a load of rubbish but I'm sure you already know that Smile

bumbleymummy · 07/07/2012 23:55

Running, if you think I've said that a woman is raped because of what she is wearing then you should have no problem finding it. I've asked you three times for it now and you still haven't produced a quote. Are you still not big enough to admit you've wrongly accused me?

runningforthebusinheels · 07/07/2012 23:58

Yawn, Bumbley I already provided both quotes:

The one I quoted at 23.10 tonight and the sarky comment you made to me about olympic runners not wearing heels.

Now stop picking fights.

runningforthebusinheels · 07/07/2012 23:59

Yes Blackout, agreed on the ponytail thing - was just [shocked] at reading it.

BlackOutTheSun · 08/07/2012 00:02

So bumbley you said you agreed with the op

runningforthebusinheels · 08/07/2012 00:06

Yes, bumbley did say that right at the beginning.

bumbleymummy · 08/07/2012 00:12

Neither of those say what you accused me of - that a woman is raped because of her clothes. Where is that one?

Why can't you acknowledge that you were wrong to accuse me of saying that? The fact that you won't admit that says a lot about you...what do you think you're going to lose?

bumbleymummy · 08/07/2012 00:14

The OP didn't say that a woman is raped because of her clothes. Keep looking for that quote ladies.

BlackOutTheSun · 08/07/2012 00:20

The op mentioned clothes and you agreed

runningforthebusinheels · 08/07/2012 00:22

OP says: "With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc?"

Bumbley's answer:
"I agree with you but I got a lot of hassle on the relationships board for saying this - including having posts deleted!"

bumbleymummy · 08/07/2012 00:26

The op did not say that a woman is raped because of what she is wearing.

You do realise that the fact you haven't been able to produce a quote where I have said that just proves that your accusation was wrong don't you? You don't need to bother admitting it outright now. You may have looked like a better person if you had though. Oh well, your mistake.

bumbleymummy · 08/07/2012 00:30

"Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted . With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc?"

The OP did not say that a woman is raped because of what she is wearing.

You know you're in the wrong here ladies. You're just digging yourself a bigger hole. :)

BlackOutTheSun · 08/07/2012 00:35

Now you have added bits into the op

bumbleymummy · 08/07/2012 00:39

LOL! It's a direct quote! Did you not read the thread title?

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