Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

[Rubytuesdayy]

With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

wanting daughters to be safe is paramount IMO and a girl should be allowed out at night if she wants to but keeping her safe is your only priority ,

Not a terrible woman at all - a sadly realistic woman. I've never commented on my (now adult) DD's clothes, but have certainly given her many many spiels about being sensible getting home and trying not to get herself in a position where she could seem vulnerable.

Have sent mine to karate lessons

would add however make 'em aware 80% of assauls are done b someone known o vicim. damn lapop plaing up!!!

I do the same Hassled mine are not really into short or tight clothes but with coming home or getting themselves into situations I bang on and on DD1 is an adult and although likes to party and have a drink she knows how to keep herself safe, some of her friends think she is boring

I think you need to go and have a look a rape myths

Absolutely not!

If your house is burgled it is only the burglar who does it, but you wouldn't leave your doors and windows wide open when you are out.

Pray the radfems don't spot this thread.

That's the word I was looking for Hassled. Vulnerable. I dn't want them to be hurt. But I kinda feel I would be letting the sisterhood down if I teach them to avoid dangerous situations which should not be dangerous if rapists didn't rape. DYSWIM?

How old are your daughters?

In this day and age (and yes, thinking back to when I was a teenager -many years ago) it is sensible to take precautions and protect yourself.

Know where you are going. Hide valuables. Have enough money for a cab. Mobile phone.
Trust your friends and make sure you all get home safely.
Watch your drink.
Wear what you want in a club but cover up outside. And be aware some clothes/actions/ behaviour will attract the wrong attention.

Sadly ,after the event ,saying XYZ is the other person's fault isn't really a conselation. The damage has been done.

What do you mean BlackOut?

The best thing my mother told me was that my body belonged to me, it was the only thing in life that really did. Which meant that I was the one that got to make decisions about it. When boys and men tried low level manipulation, I didn't get sucked in.

Tight clothes and alcohol aren't what makes you vulnerable.

13,11 and 9, 70isaLimitNotaTarget.

the Sisterhood isnt going to help if she gets hurt though, of course girls should be able to live how they want but equipping girls with knowledge on how to keep themselves safe isnt letting anybody down,

Tight clothes maybe not, but alcohol definitely makes you more vulnerable.

"A ccording to the Home Office the lifetime risk of a woman being raped or seriously sexually assaulted in the UK is 10%. In at least half of these cases the man has been drinking, and in probably more than half of these cases the woman has also been drinking.

Drunken rapists tend to be even more violent and nasty. Only 15% of rapes are reported to the police. If the woman has been drinking she is less likely to report it, and unfortunately the courts are even less likely to convict.

The absolute minimum number of alcohol related rapes every year in the UK is 20,000 according to Govt figures. In comparison of 1000 women who thought they had been 'drug raped' in only 2% of cases was the urine analysis positive for a possibly spiked drug - if their drinks had been spiked it was with more alcohol. Alcohol and not Rohypnol is the UK date rape drug."

I think it's such a fine line.

I'm trying to teach my daughter that she is responsible for her own safety when it comes to things like drinking beyond being 'with it' but at the same time, I'm scared she'd feel like it was her fault if something bad was to happen because I'd warned her about it.

I'm trying to let her see that she isn't responsible for someone's mean intentions but she can make sure she isn't vulnerable to them.

But god it's hard!

(she is only 11 and so we aren't at the drinking stage thankfully!)

Oh yes do teach your daughters to control their behaviour ffs

My DD is generally anxious so is always very aware of not taking unneccessary risks and I am quite relieved by that

Hmm, isn't it a bit dangerous to plant that seed.....like if they are attacked it might make them feel they must have done something to 'invite' it?

Rape's not the only risk out there, misleading myths or not. Muggings, road accidents, gbh, the list goes on - these things are just as much a risk for the drunk girl out late. The things the OP is teaching her DD to be aware of won't prevent all risk for any of these, but it will teach her to be more aware of her safety and to take responsibility for putting herself in obviously unsafe situations. Which is better than nothing.
Good on you OP, she needs to learn that teens aren't bulletproof and how to avoid bad situations, we all need to look after our own safety.

Ooooh, please impart the information on how to keep myself safe, I am all ears. I must have missed that meeting before I met my rapist, Shame.

brave thread rubytuesday, because he feminists are going to rip you to shreds! I have two GUT reactions to your thread

1. You are 100% right, of course your DD should not be alone at night, shouldnt dress provocatively, not get legless so she cannot protect herself or judge a situation.

1. you are 100% wrong! Why the hell should your DD have to modify her behaviour because some sick fuck thinks they can just take what they want!

I think the answer is somewhere in between. Walking alone after dark is dangerous, you could be raped, mugged (a male friend of mine was beaten up walking to the train station so its not just women who need to keep themselves safe)

If you must go on the piss (ive done it, so has my DD) do it in a group and look out for each other. Keep drinks close watch for spiking.

Dress how you like though :)

I agree, it is a very fine line, and very easy to get wrong. I will follow this thread with interest.

I dont control my daughters behaviour i taught them to be safe, I wouldnt allow a toddler to play on the road is that controlling behaviour because that toddler might be a girl ?

"ffs"
WHY?

Morris, good point - I was thinking about muggings/robbery as well, but hadn't considered rtas etc.