Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

[Rubytuesdayy]

With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

Very true Kim.

Running, I think it's important. I know people who have been victims of other attacks and no one asks them the types of questions you mentioned above. I don't even think they would cross someone's mind if someone told them they were attacked. I'd like to know why people think differently about rape. What is it that has society victim blaming for rape but not other attacks?

That's shocking cherie :( was it the same police that were handling them?

Thanks CheddarCheese. It is difficult to say that I have worked with rapists when I am talking/writing to people who have gone through it. I just hope that our intervention worked.

BTW I have also been an appropriate adult a few times when I worked for Social Services. It is an incredibly useful role. As well as assisting vulnerable people it also keeps the Police honest. They know there are trained and aware eyes on them. I would say that I have seen Police Officers who are utterly wonderful with victims after sexual assaults. Not all Police Officers are great with all victims and vulnerable offenders but some are amazing.

Bumbley - your question gets right to the crux of the matter. Why indeed?

Perhaps it's because rape myths and victim blaming in cases of rape are so entrenched in society - people don't even recognise it as that. Perhaps misogyny is right at the root of this? Perhaps female victims of crime are only questioned like this?

It rolls off the tongue: "why didn't she get a cab?" "what was she doing there at 2am?" wherever 'there" is. "why did she get so drunk?" "she must have done something to encourage it".

Why are these only pertinent questions when it comes to rape?

cheddar Christ love. I wish I could do something for you.

Cheddar - I hope you're ok.

Exactly running, why indeed? What will actually change them though. Was it you that linked to that rape info poster targeted at men earlier?

Cheddar, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I wasn't sure whether to say anything because obviously we've clashed a bit on this thread and I worry you'll think I'm being false but I do mean it.

Yes it was me Bumbley. Another MNetter liked to it in the past and I thought it was great. It is a semi-humerous take on the matter, I believe. But very, very poignant.

I think looking at the Ched Evans case speaks volumes. My mother is actuallly quite an enlightened sort, but even she cam out with good'uns there:

Mother: "well, what did she think was going to happen, going back to his hotel room like that?"

Me: "well, perhaps she didn't expect him to text a friend, and for him to come over and rape her while she was unconscious, and for their mates to film it"

Mother: "Oh, well yes, "

It's almost like we are hard-wired into victim-blaming - but only when it comes to rape. It's only by challenging these deeply entrenched rape myths that the scales begin to fall from our eyes. As in RedSwizzle's case earlier.

I call her 'my mother' when I'm cross with her. She's normally Mum, and we're actually very close.

cheddar I know unfortunately. I hope you are ok x

anyone with minor child witnesses they often wont let a parent take that role but you can insist on a formal appropreate adult or a social worker being in the room. did they let you sit in a nearby room and watch the interview on a moniter? as they should allways let you do that (obviously not if you are also a witness or involved in the offence) with children they should also video tape not just the child but the entire room and everybody in it,this removes the possibility of accusations of leading or anything like that.

due to my own bolshyness and clients insistance i have even been allowed to sit in on a video link court evidence session with a victim, this was arranged in a totally different county than the actual court hearing in a none court building that had never been used for anything other than conferences totally organised by me despite the victim being ordered to travel several hundred miles and attend court in person to use there video link.all because when i was told no my answer was why the fuck not show me any law that says i cant when my client was told no she had to come my answer was "why the fuck should she have to" shameless boast coming up now the only option i gave them was to let her do it so thats what happened she gave evidence with my support from a conferencing suit i found by shear fluke and a court ussher who happened to sit on the same county forum as me so was willing to attend and supervise the procedings,all because i pushed it and knew whose doors to rattle her attacker was convicted she wasnt to traumatized by actually giving evidence she was able to be in the correct enviroment,and the judge told me he had never met such a dedicated can do supporter he wished there were more people like me around. the law says certain measures have to be taken to assist witnesses giving evidence it dosnt say what those measures have to be

Why victim blame (top of my head)

• its scary to think some men rape indiscriminately. If the victim is partly to blame she brought it on herself. If we don't do what she did, it wont happen to us
• women lead men on. Men can't help themselves. Women need to keep themselves as sexless and discrete as possible to avoid inflaming a mans desire. Men have no control over their actions once aroused sexually.
• if it's he said/ she said then men are more trustworthy and reliable. It is more important to society to find men innocent of rape than to protect women from rape.

Just supposition. I don't expect to defend the above or it be hole free, just some ideas.

There is as well - which I think should be played either instead of, or in conjunction with the 'date rape' ads shown here recently.