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WTF do men think that women are pieces of meat rant rant rant - very long sorry

137 replies

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 18:51

My dh is an arse

Why cant he appreciate that I dont want to be touched, groped, pawed at and bloody leave me alone.

Its not funny - I hate it. He thinks a game but when does 'messing around' go too far?

For example, tonight I was lying in bed as I feel crap. He comes up stairs and demands sex. I say no. He comments that maybe he should find someone else more obliging. Hes only joking so I laugh. Then we are messing about with him holding my wrists and just playing fighting.

Then he hurts my wrists, and is squshing me so I try to get away, but he is too heavy. Then he puts his hands up my top and i tell him to stop but seeing as I cant move, he doesnt. He thinks we are playing, but im not anymore. He pulls my top over my face and so i cant see or move. I scratch him and he tells me that if i dont stop then he will hurt me and scratches me back. I hate having my top over my face (painful memories associated with it iyswim - he probably doesnt remember, but I do)

He bites me on the nipple and it hurts. He still seems to think we are playing. I honestly cant free my hands and my top is getting in my mouth and I cant see. I think he realises that ive had enough as he lets go of my wrists alittle. I instinctivly reach out and scratch his face He stomps off saying that I am frigid and that because we havent had sex for a week there is something wrong with me. My wrists are bruised. But he was only playing. It just brings back memories that I would rather forget.

I asked him a few minutes later if he would go to the shop and he says he would only go in exchange for oral sex. I tell him to piss off. I do not want sex, I am not in the mood FFS why is that so hard to understand?

He is wondering round now like we were just playing but I hated it. I tell him and he will say that I was playing too. But i wasnt and its getting increasingly often that this sort of thing is happening. Like last night, when i said i didnt want sex, he told me just to roll over and he will cuddle me and so of course i did and he pulled my Pjs down and tryed to do it anyway. I had to ask him 4 times to stop. He doesnt seem to think that he is doing anything wrong but being treated like a piece of meat is getting me down and making me alot less likely to want sex with him. And also, his hair is all greasy and he needs to shave and the feeling of it on my skin makes me cringe.

I have often posted about how good our relationship is but this aspect of it is making em feel worthless. I am sorry about the name change but there are people in RL aswel as my DH who read MN.

He is great with the kids, does his share of the housework etc and we normally get on fine. How can I make him understand that I cant be treated like this. I know that lack of sex gets to him and makes him moody but thats something that he will have to deal with himself.

OP posts:
hercules · 18/02/2006 18:54

You say to him " if you come near me again, I will take a fuckin meat cleaver and chop your dick off". Say it dead seriously.

changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 18:55

Dont let it get to that point, stop it before it begins. Get your hands off me till he gets the message. Sounds awful
This post will still show up under your usual name by the way if you click on the threads im on bit. So sign out of MN before your dh goes on the PC.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 18:56

I cant believe how shaky i feel when he wasnt even being serious.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 18/02/2006 18:56

This is abuse. This is not normal. I f he forces you, it is rape. This is not good for either of you. Please get help.

doormat · 18/02/2006 18:58

agree with mb

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:00

My Xp was alot like this and he also thought it was a game and would carry on even when i used to thump him to make him get off me.

Then he would sulk because he hadn't got his own way.

Xp also did the top over my head thing again as a game but it is awful, even if it doesn't hold awful memories.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:01

Dh sounds similar to yours Nutty.

I hate it. It makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:05

Have you tried to explain to him or does he not take you seriously ??

I explained to Xp a few times and he always nodded in the right place but then carried on as normal.

It is an awful thing to have to put up with and obviously will put you off any normal sort of reltionship and if your like me you won't want to be affectionate at all for fear of encouragin unwanted attention and then that causes more probs.

How is the rest of your relationship ??

JennyLee · 18/02/2006 19:06

Please don't let him treat you like this.

lockets · 18/02/2006 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 18/02/2006 19:08

You shouldn't have to explain this This simply isn't normal. You have to realise this, and so should he. Please get help. Normal men don't behave like this

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:08

He probably really does think it is all a game, I know Xp did.

Obviously that is no excuse, what he is doing is awful and it needs sorting out.

jowen · 18/02/2006 19:10

This isn't a normal way to behave towards someone you love. if he tries something like that again, cry. Keep crying until he leaves you alone. Shout "Stop it, please stop, I thought you loved me, you are hurting me, get off". You will have made your feelings on the matter perfectly clear. If he carries on after that is is rape.

TBH you have cause to get the police involved anyway, he has bruised you because you wouldn't have sex with him!

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:11

Nutty, He sounds exactly like your ex.

The rest of our relationship is Ok, not great but he has his good points. I get alot of free time, he is great with the kids and helps round the house. We dont really spend that much time together really.

He wouldnt see it as 'abuse' and im not sure that I do either, as he really seems to think hes playing.

Im a bit shaky and upset but am ok.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:13

Do you love him ???

You don't have to answer by the way, am just curious.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:13

I told him last night that if he carried on it would be rape and he had the cheek to say that I was out of order to say that to him and sulked!!

OP posts:
Socci · 18/02/2006 19:14

Message withdrawn

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:14

I dont think im in love with him. Ive been with him 6 years though so I do love him I think. I dont know tbh. I couldnt see myself without him as pathetic as that sounds.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:14

Blimey he does sound so much like my X.

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:15

And you sound alot like I was and thats not good.

tribpot · 18/02/2006 19:15

Yes, me too. I feel physically ill reading about that, it is abusive, and the fact he thinks he's playing just makes it worse.

alliep30 · 18/02/2006 19:16

he is abusing you. then he manipulates things so that it was a joke, cos he knows he's out of order, and does it to try to make you feel bad. that's almost as bad as pawing at you. nasty little mind games....

jowen · 18/02/2006 19:17

Show him the bruises. Make him look at them, shove it right in his face and ask him how he could do such an awful thing to a woman and say it was a joke!

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:19

I think the problem is that because he thinks it is a game one day he will go too far and rape you. Xp never did because our relationship got to the point where we were hardley talking so him trying for sex wasn't even an issue.

TBH it is also a problem that you think this is ok, well not ok but not that bad.

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 19:20

I would call the police. It's domestic abuse and the police will take it seriously. If you are starting to fear him, something is definitely wrong.

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