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WTF do men think that women are pieces of meat rant rant rant - very long sorry

137 replies

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 18:51

My dh is an arse

Why cant he appreciate that I dont want to be touched, groped, pawed at and bloody leave me alone.

Its not funny - I hate it. He thinks a game but when does 'messing around' go too far?

For example, tonight I was lying in bed as I feel crap. He comes up stairs and demands sex. I say no. He comments that maybe he should find someone else more obliging. Hes only joking so I laugh. Then we are messing about with him holding my wrists and just playing fighting.

Then he hurts my wrists, and is squshing me so I try to get away, but he is too heavy. Then he puts his hands up my top and i tell him to stop but seeing as I cant move, he doesnt. He thinks we are playing, but im not anymore. He pulls my top over my face and so i cant see or move. I scratch him and he tells me that if i dont stop then he will hurt me and scratches me back. I hate having my top over my face (painful memories associated with it iyswim - he probably doesnt remember, but I do)

He bites me on the nipple and it hurts. He still seems to think we are playing. I honestly cant free my hands and my top is getting in my mouth and I cant see. I think he realises that ive had enough as he lets go of my wrists alittle. I instinctivly reach out and scratch his face He stomps off saying that I am frigid and that because we havent had sex for a week there is something wrong with me. My wrists are bruised. But he was only playing. It just brings back memories that I would rather forget.

I asked him a few minutes later if he would go to the shop and he says he would only go in exchange for oral sex. I tell him to piss off. I do not want sex, I am not in the mood FFS why is that so hard to understand?

He is wondering round now like we were just playing but I hated it. I tell him and he will say that I was playing too. But i wasnt and its getting increasingly often that this sort of thing is happening. Like last night, when i said i didnt want sex, he told me just to roll over and he will cuddle me and so of course i did and he pulled my Pjs down and tryed to do it anyway. I had to ask him 4 times to stop. He doesnt seem to think that he is doing anything wrong but being treated like a piece of meat is getting me down and making me alot less likely to want sex with him. And also, his hair is all greasy and he needs to shave and the feeling of it on my skin makes me cringe.

I have often posted about how good our relationship is but this aspect of it is making em feel worthless. I am sorry about the name change but there are people in RL aswel as my DH who read MN.

He is great with the kids, does his share of the housework etc and we normally get on fine. How can I make him understand that I cant be treated like this. I know that lack of sex gets to him and makes him moody but thats something that he will have to deal with himself.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 19:21

esp if you have bruises and he has defensive scratches from you

fob · 18/02/2006 19:21

BM this is not normal. It makes me feel worried. x and hugs.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:26

I dont think they will actually bruise as they seem to be fading but I guess thats not the point.

Hes forgotten about it now as it was just a game. But we cant even hug anymore as he seems it as a come on.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:28

Yep thats how it goes BM. It got to the point where i didn't even want to sit next to Xp incase he tried it on.

You can't live like that.

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 19:28

it's not the point, no.

Poor you - you will have to get him to see sense because his actions are not normal. Yes, men get frustrated when they can't get as much sex as they want but that's no excuse to hurt or force themselves on you. It's that dreadful 'power' thing he is using on you.

What does he say if you try and talk to him about it? DOes he think it is normal?

alexsmum · 18/02/2006 19:29

i was shocked when i read this and thought it was so wrong.i got dh to read it for a man's point of view and he said'its borderline rape'.
he knows he's out of order.
you have to really stand up to him.don't let him carry on like this.
are you ok?

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 19:30

You really could get the police involved for this. I wasn't trying to shock you but what he is doing is classed as abuse (sadly, I have a friend who had to get them involved).

expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 19:31

This man is abusive. Sorry, but what he did could be considered sexual assault. What part of 'no' and 'stop' does he not understand? He knew DAMN well you weren't 'playing'.

This man will rape you if you don't get some help or get out now.

fob · 18/02/2006 19:33

this is nothing to do with sex. it's to do with power. and a blatant disregard for your feelings. i'm so upset that this goes on.

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:34

BM can i just ask, are you someone on my msn list ??? Just had a sudden idea of who you might be.

Don't say if you don't want to.

expatinscotland · 18/02/2006 19:35

Fob's right. It's about power, control and domination. It's abuse and borderline rape. Forcing yourself on someone, fondling them against their will, pinning them down to molest them sexually is a CRIME.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:36

Its quite scary reading your messages as i thought i was probably over reacting iyswim.

I did just tell him that he had scared and upset me and had done exactly what that bastard did to me years ago (I was raped a few years ago) He too held my wrists and put my top over my head.

He said he was really sorry and tried to give me a hug! How can someone change moods so quickly?

Hes gone to the shop now and has just bought me up a slice of cheesecake - I cant work him out!!

OP posts:
Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:36

Yes Nutty

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 18/02/2006 19:37

How horrible. Poor you, bloodymen. Agree with everyone else who's posted. Does he have any idea how upsetting you are finding this? Could you tell him?

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:37

Is your status set to away right at this mo ???

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:38

yes

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:39

Awwwww, so hoped I was wrong.

Am putting the kids to bed in a mo, but can chat on msn after if you like ??

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 19:39

it sounds like typical abusive behaviour to me

all horrible and abusive one minute - then off buying you treats to keep you sweet

it's like emotional blackmail and it's very common

if you have a minute without him, I would call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247

sorry if this all sounds a bit full on but he sounds very scary

stitch · 18/02/2006 19:41

this sounds competely awful. i was shocked to read your post
can i suggest a strategy to deal with this?
i think this is a lot about control, and insensitivityy on his part about your role in his needs.
try lying back and thinking of england. act like the piece of meat he seems to think he wants. it might satisfy him for a short while, but not long. soon he will want his willing wife back.
he is a good bloke in all other respects, then he needs to stop becoming a rapist. and you need to help him stop

nutcracker · 18/02/2006 19:42

Sorry stitch I have to disagree with that. In my experience it won't make any difference and BM will end up feeling worthless.

Bloodymen · 18/02/2006 19:43

I just tried to tell him that It was abuse to do what he did and he said "I was playing" And i said "but I shouted for you to stop" and the cheeky sod replied "I asked you to stop scratching me but you didnt" He just doesnt get it.

OP posts:
hercules · 18/02/2006 19:44

I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel as he may simply not realise the effect he is having. Be very clear you find it totally unacceptable and you will not put up with it - use the words abusive etc.

If he continues in the same manner then you need to consider more serious action.

I disagree with you, stitch. No woman should have sex unwillingly.

lockets · 18/02/2006 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tribpot · 18/02/2006 19:46

Bloodymen, this man deliberately re-enacted a scene from your rape. That is shocking, and awful, and wrong.

Passionflower · 18/02/2006 19:48

You need to get him to try relate with you. He has to be made to see how unacceptable this behaviour is. I dont think your relationship is unfixable but you do need to take action now before it goes any further and he does something you can't forgive him for.